Dear all,
I come onto the forum today, this most momentous of days to say a humble thank you.
To Guard and all the administrators, to 1daat, ur-a-jew, Toadd and all of you who have helped me along the way (you know who you are) and to those who are new to the site and beginning their struggle, thanks to you all.
This is such a wonderful community, I'm proud to be part of it. And now, today as we all stand on the brink of judgement from the Ultimate and so many of us may fear that we will be judged harshly because of the very reason that we came to GYE, a chink of light and hope for all of us. 90 days ago I was nothing, less than nothing. I was an animal, out of control, lusting lusting and yet more lusting. I was a selfish arrogant fool who could not see further than his next 'fix'. Now with help of H" and all of you, I have done what I never believed possible and completed my 90 days!!!
To those who are at the foot of the mountain and see it as an insurmountable obstacle, please believe me when I say that if I have done it, any of you can. Please take chizuk from my success. (My good pal ur-a-jew has recently completed his 90 and I know he feels the same way). The key now is to see this new behaviour as normality. This has not just been a mini project for 3 months and now we leave ourselves open to the Y"H saying "OK big deal, you made the 90 - well done, now treat yourself to some of the things you have been missing out on for the past few months."
NO with the help of H", may we be ever stronger and go Me'chayil el choyil. I didn't plan this, so the coincidence of making my 90 on Erev Rosh Hashana is almost too much for me to fathom. For the first time in possibly 20 years, I can stand before my Father in heaven on this holy day and daven feeling like perhaps I have some zechus to be answered possitively. Maybe, just maybe the things I daven for this year, will be given to me, not out of compassion (because H" cares about us even if we fall and are in the muck), but because I deserve it. I can't describe how it feels, suffice it to say that my eyes are welling up as I type this post to all of you.
A thousand thank you's, a million could never be enough for the koiach this gives me. Please, this is a call out to all those who have just started on the journey and are dreading the Yomim Noraim as they fear the worst, understand that H" cares. The very fact that you have joined GYE will stand you in good stead. Remember that on Rosh Hashana, H" does not just look at where you are holding, but more important than that is the direction in which you are travelling. By joining GYE, you are showing Him that you are trying to lift yoursleves from the shmutz and that on it's own will mean that if you daven for it, H" will reach down with His Hand (Ke'veyachol) and lift you out, clean you up and give you the tools to make it work. It happened for me, it can happen for you too, all of you.
Have a fabulous New Year, a clean, healthy, guiltless, happy, strong New Year and accept my thanks and constant admiration,
Your friend as ever,
Haleivi