Quick! Call the side-swipers!! Whine-detector off the scale! Ahhhh!!!!!!!!

They need your help more than you need theirs. So what's new? Daven for them and move on chabibi. You are a great guy and no one can affect the truth about you one way or the other even an iota.  :-*

And I'm still not such a nice guy.

Yosef Hatzadik wrote on 30 Aug 2011 21:32:


"I wanted out of my pain and that silliness, but I wanted an easy out. That's before realizing that there is no easy out. Before accepting that you just have to do the work."

Mariel Hemingway

Yosef Hatzadik wrote on 30 Aug 2011 21:28:


Why -by golly - I can do that too!

Hi Yossel!

How have you been lately?

E

shteeble dropping by to say hi to yosef in yosef's thread
before the rusty padlock comes back.

Hi YH! ( I really shouldn't use those initials for you, they are also the initials of my oldest and bestest friend, who has been with me every second since i was born, and always has my best interests in mind. NOT!)

Sorry for egging them on, I can't help it I enjoy a good joke.

Don't you wish there was a feature that you could be Mod on any thread that you started?

Gevura!

dov wrote on 30 Aug 2011 21:35:


How true this is.  Someone reached out to me recently and it was at a point that I felt he was whining.  I wanted to frankly smash him on the head and say, enough, just close the stupid computer, move on and let's go.  But I thought to myself.  Put yourself in that person's shoes.  True you really haven't had interest in porn for a while but can you not relate to his situation at all.  I gave it some thought and I realized I feel the very same way when my wife doesn't want to have sex with me when I'm in the mood.  It's like how will I make it to the next morning.  And I can literally crawl out of my skin.  I shared that with him and expressed the fact that I knew the feeling he was going through and tried to offer some eitzos as to what i do when I get that feeling.  Well the next time I had that "feeling" and pretty much lost it.  I thought back to the conversation I had with this person and thought to myself.  What a hypocrite you are being.  Those same eitzos you just gave to that other guy why aren't you doing it yourself?  The same way porn should not be an option for him, lusting should not be an option for you.  The same way you want him to reach out to Hashem and place his trust in him for fulfillment that's what you need to do as well.  I'd like to say it gave me a new perspective and helped somewhat.  So when I reach out to help someone I realize that I'm being helped and need the dialogue just as much if not more than they do, maybe not that second but certainly to maintain my continued sobriety.  So to those who reach out to me I say thank you, I need your help more than you need mine.

Is it an ADDICTION or a COMPULSION?


Among the differences are that an addiction is progressive while a compulsion tends to stay at the same level.



Does anyone know about any more distinctions between the two?




Dov has repeatedly stated his belief that many (or most) of the GYE Members are NOT bona-fide addicts. We do find ourselves stuck in the mud, though. Are we trying to cure the wrong sickness when we are focusing on it as an addiction?

It is likely that many of the same tools which work for addiction recovery will also work for compulsion Recovery. Chief among them being the group support & 'reaching out'. That we must recognize & admit the problem clearly is also a given.



Does anyone have any info to share, please?

your latest he'aros are great!

If I am included in 'anyone', then here is all I have to share on that:

It seems that some decent people who are apparently only compulsive, eventually become addicted.

And it also seems to me that once someone is addicted, then reverting back to any compulsions automatically reconstitutes their addiction, no matter how many years of recovery and clean time they get. So maybe they do indeed change and downgrade to 'compulsives' in recovery, but it makes no practical difference at all, because their addiction gets turned back on and they are no longer just 'compulsives' then. So the adage "Once an addict always an addict" is not really true, I believe. But once the guy uses lust, his (or her) status tends to change back to '100% addict'. For I do not believe in a '50% addict', at all.
He is either powerless and will lose (so he is an addict), or he doesn't really need G-d or any people to help him (for he is not an addict and has enough power), and will win.

Any addict who has discovered that no matter how 'sober' he may be, his entire attitude toward schmutz converts to the good 'ole worshiping nuttiness as soon as he actually uses porn in the slightest, will agree with me, I bet.

Hoping that is helpful (it helps me!)

Ciao!

Eichit an "anyone", here.  The compulsion is what we stop doing.  The addiction is what keeps us in "The Choice", the Bechirah.  It's "H's gift to the junky.

OK yosef we miss you, now you can come back.

nuu ich vart..

heuni memass wrote on 13 Sep 2011 18:36:


Hope you don't have to wait as long as Yaakov Avinu did.

dov wrote on 30 Aug 2011 21:17:

Hi Yosef, I saw a nice vort from Rav Galinsky (he has a new sefer on yomim noraim) he asks what's "shom tehai keviraschem" it should say "poh" he answers that their is an attitude of "shom" when I get there then I'll do teshuva, such an attitude will bury a person because we'll never get to the "there."  In recovery you have to take the plunge and do it now, not tomorrow or the next day or as soon as I get the hisorerus or or or. Hayom!  Fortunately, Hashem is "Tov veyoshor . . . al kein yoreh chata'im baderech!"  I was thinking about you and thought I would share that.  Hope all is okay with you this minute and I'm thinking about you.

Dear Yosef,

You are a fine man, really. And we like you, too. Keep on going, chabibi.

Have a nice Shabbos, everybody!