Briut

You have nisyonos that I do not, nor do I wish to have, nor do I know if I would be able to overcome. Baruch Hashem He didn't see fit to test me in this area.

Hashem did see fit to test you in this area. He also loves you and would not give you a nisayon that you can't overcome. Not 98% but 100%.

My point wasn't to call you rotten, that you know.

My point was that it is not acceptable to hang up your hat and say I've done enough. To push off any further improvement to some hazy future date.

The time to act is now.


(Meldramatic, No?)

"Yours" is heavy. So is mine. But they're different, and I'm not going to claim that I can understand your situation, when I can't. I can offer my thoughts, and things that I've learned, in the hopes that it can help you. The rest is up to you.

I'd point out that we have a yetzer hora. He'll always be there. But we can work on getting rid of the thigns that we're doing wrong. And accepting that there are things that are red-line, absolutely, wrong, that we can keep as part of our lives without bothering to struggle with...well, if we really cared about it, wouldn't we do more than that?

When we daven for help, but haven't done anything for ourselves, I'm pretty sure that hashem looks at me and says, "I'll be happy to step in, as soon as you do your part..."

Briut,

Rabbi Abraham Twerski's (yes-the noted author on addictions and self esteem) is reported to have the worse self-esteem out of anyone his sister-in-law has ever met.  And she claims to have met people with the "worst" self-esteem problems.

She asked him how is that a person with such terrible self-esteem wrote so many books on the topic?

He responded, "I didn't let it get to me."

For the most part, it seems your a godol at "I didn't let it get to me" already. 

To accomplish what you have already with your level of self-esteem is impressive.

just a wee bit further to go and you win.

mekubal.

Briut

What would you say about a person who watches a short 5 minute p**n clip 5 times a day interspersed throughout the day? Would you say he's an addict, or would you say he's 98% (Do the math) clean?

Now what would you say if instead of watching the clip on his computer screen, he watches it on that little hi-def monitor located between his ears?

Of course this point isn't really addressed specifically at you, its just that I enjoy picking on you  .

I didn't quite understand what you you just wrote.

But I took it for granted that gay feeling are lust feelings. I don't see the slightest difference.

Second, romantic love and that whole Hallmark / Hollywood creation is likewise bogus.

Third, your goal in life is not to seek this "Romantic love". Your goal in life is to be a good Jew and serve Hashem. Part of that goal involves being a good devoted husband, giving to your wife, being attentive to her and growing together spiritually. If you are partners in this and you give to each other this will lead to a real wholesome love.

welcome R briut! Sorry i didnt welcome you earlier! But you know these days us oldies have a real hard time getting around. So hre i am. And cheerin you on!!

Have a great shabbos. And keep on rollin!

Pischu li pesach k'chudo shel machat v'ani eftach loch pesach k'pischo shel ulom!!!

Lets do ours. Hepromises hell do his to when we do our baby steps.

GS.

briut wrote on 29 Jan 2010 12:58:


I saw and heard a quotes related by the Steipler about this very thing 3 times this week (and not from gye), so it must be a sign.  In one of the the places it was clear that he was to talking about uncontrollable desire for ervah.

Every moment that a person  conquers his tayvohs he is a tzadik... Its not just the sum of cumulative moments... you are a tzadik for that very moment.

May you continue be zoche to be a tzadik!

mekubal.

That's rich.

First you were struggling with the idea that maybe taking the next step would be too much for you to handle. Obviously you're having trouble justifying that by itself, so let's try something else.......

I know (Lightbulb after frantic scrambling) "I'm not taking the next step unless You G-D performs a miracle for me. No need to split the red sea, just show me some minor miracle, then I'll know it's the right thing (Sitting back smugly, wiping brow with relief)

(PS anyone will tell you, I'm really not a nice guy)

Um...right, Me3

Yeah - we don't run our lives like that. You've realized that already. That's your sign!

We've all been there - making it seem like it's hashem's fault for my falling is an easy way out. But it's not real, or true, and we know that.

What do we seek in lust? It is our subconscious that is craving true love and true security. There's a deep need inside of us that we desperately attempt to fill with lust. But the lust never fills it, and can NEVER fill it. The most beautiful zonah in the world, or the most amazing SSA fantasy you (briut) could imagine, is with flesh. Rotting flesh. And it leaves us feeling empty and disillusioned.

So are we destined to run after this deep subconscious need our whole lives and never find what we are TRULY looking for? Isn't that cruel of G-d? After all, he created us with this deep inner longing to love and be loved deeply, to feel comfortable and secure, completely en-wrapped and connected to someone who we love deeply and who loves us deeply in return... We crave this at the very core of our essence. Why? Why must we suffer so? So many people run their whole lives desperately trying to fill this need with things that "look like" they hold the answer to this need, at least somewhat... But they never find it... What is the meaning of it all? Why are the things that look so good to us really so bad for us? Why is the world so cruel?

The answer, my friend, is right in the room with you now. There is no need to run after anything, anything at all. He is right there and He loves you infinately. And He is just waiting for you to turn to Him and give yourself completely over to Him.

Davka by giving up the things that "look so good" but aren't, do we learn how to give up our self-will and connect to G-d in the deepest way.

Yes, we CAN love and be loved, deeper than we could have ever imagined. We truly can find pleasure, comfort and security that we only dreamed could exist in this dark world. The subconcious need that we had all our lives is really a "G-d hole" inside of us... And all that we seek can truly be found in Him.

When we give ourselves over to Him 100% (not 98%) we will finally start to feel it. Everything we ever thought we needed and craved, is there in Him.

May He help us lose ourselves in His loving embrace, for all eternity.


I rarely post on the forum anymore, and G-d put this in my head to write to you... May this be the sign you were looking for, Briut. 

A gutte voch Briut. Much hatzlacha.

Wow guard?? I thought you forgot how to write posts like that!!! This is special!!

I was asked to forward this to you.

The Almighty wrote on 10 Jul 1973 00:11:

Fantastic on your continued success.

As a basic prediction - you'll feel good, rejoicing along with your yetzer tov. And your yetzer hora will say, "whew, that was difficult! Glad that's over!"

The question is, whose party do you want to attend?