your long posts are so sweet and to the point!!!

i see you succeeding big time just slowly but surely...

just keep doing what you're doing...

all Hashem wants from us is the afford, the rest he will handle 

Today’s Post
Today wasn’t dramatic. It wasn’t some emotional breakthrough or spiritual high.
It was just hard. Quietly, steadily hard.

The day started early — no breathing room, no breaks. From the jump, it was hustle mode.
And as the hours went on, the pressure just kept piling. One task after the next. One more thing added to the list. I barely had time to think. But under all that busyness was a steady hum of dread — not about work… but about what would happen when I got home.

Because I know my pattern.
A day like this — stressful, exhausting, overstimulated — usually ends in porn or masturbation.
That’s the old wiring. It’s been my go-to escape for years.
But I don’t want that anymore. I don’t want to keep reinforcing the same broken loop.

A GYE brother told me something later in the day that’s been echoing in my head:
“If you don’t learn how to handle this now, when it’s just work stress, it’s going to eat you alive when you’re married.”
He’s right. And I’ve been carrying that with me.

So I made a plan: after work, I’d find a quiet park. Reset. Breathe.
But I don’t know the area near this office too well — and I wasn’t sure where to go.
There’s a girl in my office — not Jewish, kind, attractive. We both stayed late today.
I asked her if she knew any peaceful spots around.
She gave me a suggestion — and that should’ve been it.
Honestly, I could have easily just looked for something on Google Maps, but I wanted an excuse to talk to her.
Before even asking her, my mind already began building fantasies. False stories. Hoping she would come to the park with me.
I didn’t say anything inappropriate. But I didn’t shut the door, either.
I left it open. Hoping, maybe, she’d walk through.
Baruch Hashem, she didn’t. But it still left a mark. It felt like I had let something slip.

I went to the park. It was beautiful — but crowded. No shade.
Too many challenges with shmiras einayim. So I left.
Back in the car, alone with my thoughts, I felt myself spiraling again.
Not actively choosing anything — just being pulled.

I made a few calls on the drive home. Most didn’t answer.
But then, one did. One brother picked up. And that call saved my day.
He helped me snap out of the fog — gave me just enough space to breathe again.

When I got home, I stayed around people. Kept the door open.
Put on a light show to ground myself. Just stayed above water.

Then I hit the road — I had a nice drive out of town for Shabbos.
And now, I’m writing this post, gonna get ready for bed, and put this day to bed.

It wasn’t a “wow” day. But it was a win.
And sometimes that’s even more powerful.

Because not all victories come with fireworks.
Some come in silence, in sweat, in choosing not to fall — even when no one would know if you did.

Today was clean.
Today was progress.
And I’m grateful.

Your a giant in our midst!

Keep posting your golden posts.

Get stronger and pull us all up with you!

Thank you for the chizzuk!!

littleneshamale wrote on 25 Jul 2025 05:26:

I'm not changing your story but if you look at it this way, its definitely a majorly WOW!!!!! day, keep it up:)

i love your post as always, but disagree with the way you look at it, to me this is a "WOW DAY" the fact that you had all the reason to give in to your urges and you didn't that's called "beyond successful day" so keep pushing the YH away, but also change your prospectus, just by saying "eizhi gibor hakoveish as yitzroi" which is exactly what you did today...

Git Shabbos!
Chodesh Tov!! 

,This post hit me hard. The honesty about the "quiet, steady hard" days - those are often the most important battles we fight, and you nailed it.
Your awareness is incredible. Recognizing the pattern before it played out, seeing the fantasy-building with your coworker for what it was, catching yourself in the spiral - that's real growth. You didn't shame yourself into paralysis; you just observed and redirected.

That call that saved your day? That's exactly why we're here. And the fact that you kept trying until someone picked up shows you've learned to reach out instead of white-knuckling it alone.

Your friend was right about the marriage insight too. Learning to handle stress without the escape route - that's building the foundation for everything that comes next.

"Some come in silence, in sweat, in choosing not to fall — even when no one would know if you did."
That line is going to stick with me. That's the real work right there.

Thanks for sharing this. Days like yours are victories worth celebrating, even if quietly.
Gut Shabbos, brother.