what do u mean by "slept with his shviger for 3 years"? (btw how can u see in a teshuva if he thinks its weird or not?) where is the teshuva?

hopeful yingeman wrote on 08 Jul 2025 17:11:

It likely means exactly what your fantasy thinks it means.

I don't think it's important whether the Noda BeYehuda thought it's weird or not, but rather, here you have a guy who was to all external appearances a choshuv guy and his shvigger was his trigger (and then some).

hopeful yingeman wrote on 08 Jul 2025 17:11:

נודע ביהודה - תניינא או"ח סי' לה'
You can see form his response that he didnt think it was weird. And yes, he had intercourse with his mother in law (it began before he was married) for 3 years. She was married the entire time.....

thompson wrote on 04 Jul 2025 14:44:

Oh lord.
My stomach is already hurting from the popcorn. 
Too much trauma for me on this one. 
Thank god this is something from the past (With a lot of work) 

Today is ten days since I last watched porn. It's usually around this time that I start forgetting why I need to stop.

This time is different, because this time I'm dealing with stress and anxiety in a way I never thought existed. Last night, I was sitting on the couch, having a mini freakout. My wife sat down beside me and tried to comfort me. Everything she did made my heart race faster. I guess she realized that, because she asked if she should leave me, but being the people pleaser I am, I said no. EEEEEEHHH! Wrong answer. At one point, I felt like jumping up and screaming as loud as I could. It took all of my self-control to remain seated.

I have a laundry list of things I need to do. Watching porn isn't on it, but my brain thinks it is and that it's top priority. It's the one thing that makes everything else disappear. Seemingly so.

I need to work on this. I have to learn how to handle stress. Every time I watch porn, I kick the can down the road.
Now is a good time to continue working.

Muttel wrote on 08 Jul 2025 18:32:

Whaat! I'm not beleiving this, I thought it was just our generation who struggle with all the stiros.

Its pretty crazy to see this sort of thing like a major masmid falling with this 200 years back...

just a thought that in that times a lot of ppl got married by by age 15 so his shviger could've gotten married at age 15 and he married her daughter when she was 15 which makes he's shviger a pretty young 30 yr old women (not taking away the part of being attracted to a shviger, but the age makes more sense)

I heard an interesting idea regarding dieting. If you have a maximum amount of calories you allow yourself to consume per day, overeating a bit can make you lose your motivation. "I'm anyhow beyond the max, I might as well enjoy another doughnut." You know, the usually defeatist rhetoric.

What this guy suggested was to have a maximum calories per week in addition to a daily limit. That way, even if you find yourself overindulging one day, it's less likely to lead to a spiral because you have another weekly goal that's still attainable even with the current messup.

Not that I accuse any of you good, well-balanced, and completely normal people here of doing such preposterous things as tracking your calories, but I wonder if this can somehow be applied here.

It's been 12 days since I last looked at porn, and I'm grateful.
I listened to Eli Nash's interview with Avi Wolff that someone posted somewhere in the hallowed halls of GYEville, good stuff. Whoever posted it, thank you.

Shabbat Shalom, y'all.

As of an hour ago, it's been 17 days since I last watched porn.

Today, in the middle of Shachris, a video I've masturbated to multiple times emerged from the dark recesses of my memory and lodged itself into the forefront of my consciousness. Without getting into the nitty-gritty of it, this video has always elicited an intense reaction from me due to many factors from my past (as I understand them now). I tried several techniques to stave it off, knowing that it would be intensely gratifying for the time being and would leave me feeling like sh*t, but ultimately, here we are.

It's been an hour since I last watched porn.

I'm grateful to be alive.

thompson wrote on 16 Jul 2025 17:26:

10 for courage 
10 for honesty
KOT!

alex94 wrote on 16 Jul 2025 18:51:

7 for reaching out....

Dear Thompson,

I'm not here to take you on a guilt trip or to judge you. What you did yesterday was unfortunate. You tried escaping the discomfort, but it hurt you, and you know it.

Remember how you felt for the two weeks leading up to yesterday. You were energized, you had the drive to connect with your wife, and there was a spring in your step. Contrast that with how you feel now. Depleted. Lethargic. Irritable. Your mind is scattered all over the place. Last night, you almost yelled at your son to shut up as he described his day at camp. This is not the life you want. This is not the husband your wife deserves, nor the father your children need. Everyone needs you to take responsibility for your life. Your problems, while not your fault, are your responsibility. Only you have the power to create a life worth living.

I want to reiterate, I don't judge you for what you did yesterday; I have the utmost compassion for you. You lost your equilibrium because of that memory, and in a moment of desperation, you decided that the fastest way to get out of the storm of it was by watching it. I understand the rationale. But as we advance, let's remember that a) it didn't work - four hours later, you watched porn again, and b) it's better to ride out the discomfort of an unwanted porn scene hijacking your brain than to feel like a dump for the next day.

I'm here to remind you that you can do this. You were doing great, putting in hard work over the past few weeks in several key areas of your life. Keep it up. Let's use this experience to internalize that, as gratifying as it might be - and I'm not diminishing that aspect - porn hurts you, and the costs far outweigh the benefits.

With love and compassion,
Thompson (the father version).

Muttel wrote on 08 Jul 2025 17:09:

You just had me learning a complex and very deep תשובה from the נודע ביהודה for over an hour! Thanks for being מזכה me...

thompson wrote on 17 Jul 2025 15:42:

Thank you. To me personally, this is the best post I’ve seen in a while. 
Besides the courage and vulnerability, the growthfulness, there’s a lot to learn. 
Thankfully I haven’t messed up with inappropriate content or behavior in a while, but I’ve done things I regret (in other areas).
thank you for showing us how to approach healthy, compassionate regret in a constructive way, while avoiding counterproductive guilt…. 

For what it’s worth, I think you’re doing incredible work, and that sharing it as you are is probably helping folks.
Here’s an admiring, warm hand, 
chaimoigen

chaimoigen wrote on 17 Jul 2025 19:02:

Thank you, Comrade Enayim.
I appreciate your positive feedback.