Hi everyone!

I was born into a very choshuve family in my community [known in other communities as well].
All my siblings are prominent people, and it was said about me that I'm the smartest, and the most talented. (it must be true, because I use arround 10 percent of my brain as I will explain)
At a very young age (12-13) I had the issue that many other gifted people have, my brain was never nearly enough stimulated, so my young stupid brain started searching, first understanding what bachurim aren't allowed to know, with the help of other boys, than masturbating on a regular basis, from there it went on to getting acces to internet and finding the "right" magazine stands etc. etc. 
Throughout all mt years as a bachur I suffered and struggled in between two worlds, frying my brain day in day out, I myself don't know how I managed to stay afloat.

[btw I think it's important to tell bachurim the difference between wet dreams and m., many times I was on the verge of stopping, then I had a wet dream and I felt like I completely blew it and it was over]

Than I got engaged and married to what is considered the nicest shidduch in the family, indeed I have the best, supporting wife (she doesn't know anything about these struggles)

I managed to stay clean for a short while after my chasunah than the waves came crashing down with their full vigor .

I had 2 kids  while struglling with this trash.

Then came the change I went to europe to kivrei tzadikim {btw I did NOT go because of this struggle, many times before I had been to the kosel and many other mekomos hakdoshim, to no avail, the reason I think this trip did work is BECAUSE I did not go to quick fix my problem, or for the problem al all} I came to the kever of the tzaddik (that his yurtzeit was the reason of the trip) and I just cried like never before (I barely cry because I numbed my emotions with p&m) I was just fed up, right afterward hashem answered and I started gye. 

I was treading water untill I promised that if I fall 1 more time I'll get a partner [till then I didn't have the courage], so the next time I got the best partner and I was clean for 90 days, on day 92 I fell and crashed, since then I'm back to square one, falling then saying clean for a few days and falling again, my latest fall was yesterday.

This is the short version of my [sofar] sad story.