Hi everyone,

I’m new to posting here, though I’ve had a GuardYourEyes account for a while. For a long time, I just didn’t take any real steps toward change. I guess I wasn’t ready to face this fully—or I just kept hoping it would go away on its own. But it hasn’t. And now I’m here because I know I can’t do this alone.

I’m not sober yet. I’m married, with beautiful kids, a good job, a home—on the outside, it might look like everything’s fine. But inside, I know I’m not where I want to be, not where I need to be.

Back in 2022, I gave recovery a serious try. I joined SA, worked the 12 steps, and for six months, I really tasted what freedom could look like. I felt connected to Hashem, to myself, and to the values I truly care about. Life had meaning, and I felt alive again.

But slowly, stress crept back in. Life got hectic. Work pressures, family responsibilities, emotional ups and downs—it all added up. And I started to feel the pull of the old escape. The yetzer hara whispered, “Remember how easy it was to disconnect? How good it felt, just for a moment?”

And I gave in.

It happened while traveling for work. I was away from home, away from structure, away from accountability. And in that moment, I fell—hard. And once I was in that hole again, I stayed there.

But even in the fall, I never lost the yearning to come back. I miss that feeling of kedusha, of being clean, of being real. I know the yetzer hara is strong—but I know I’m stronger with help. And that’s why I’m here.

I’m asking for support. For guidance. For chizuk. I want to return. I want to rebuild. I want to be a true eved Hashem, to live with integrity, to be the husband and father my family deserves.

Please keep me in mind. I’m ready to take the next steps—I just can’t do it alone.

Thank you for reading. Just writing this was hard, but I know it’s a step in the right direction.