Dear Yid,

I also ended up here today and read your post "by chance". 
Welcome to GYE.

I have nothing to add more than the Gedolim whom already posted on this thread. Every word written by them is a gem that must be considered.

I can only share from my personal experience that here you will find hope, acceptance, and most important - the courage to accept yourself and move on.
That is, if you're courageous enough today to accept yourself and do that.

Blessing you with much clarity and Hatzlacha

Dear all
There’s been so many warm and encouraging messages, I can’t tell you how much they each mean to me. Each of you have had a part in rebuilding my belief that I can move past this and use the low to achieve a new high. 
I am tackling this in the same way I do at work. Focussing on what the outcomes need to be and how to get there. The frequent warnings regarding the chizuk wearing off are all well accepted and familiar to me. 
I will write again soon but just wanted to let you all know how grateful I am. 

Thanks! In my post, MZ = Mishcav Zochor. 
I’ll spend some time to think about your specific points - sometimes it’s such a blur and difficult to pinpoint specific triggers or similar. I’ve got a lot of introspection to do…

Your trigger might be a situation like social media, or meeting men in specific places, or something emotional that you are trying to gain or run away from. If you have true SSA then it might be something entirely different but given that it was only twice and only after you are an adult I wouldn't immediately assume this to be the case. Take your time figuring things out. You are very sincere about recovery and you are looking forward which is very good.