yerushalmikugel wrote on 01 Apr 2025 09:34:

It’s not a stira. 

yeshivabachur111 wrote on 01 Apr 2025 13:05:

In what ways is it easier in ey?

yerushalmikugel wrote on 01 Apr 2025 14:59:

You have the mekomos hakedoshim, many chashuve yeshivas, gedolim, Toldos Aron. Yerushalyim is saturated with kolel yungeleit and yeshiva bachurim. And you could also go to zfas and bnai brak. Where else do you have a shiur like that of R Asher Arieli or R Avram Yehoshua

Maybe I'm missing something... 



All this is beautiful, I myself experienced much of what you mentioned, but I don't see how any of this helps with p&m struggles.

In fact, today the kosel is a pretty pritzusdike mokom.... 



Are R' Asher and R' Avraham Yeshua helping bochurim struggling in these areas? To the best of my knowledge (which is pretty good in these areas) most bochurim in such large yeshivos in ey often find themselves without who to talk to.

And toldos aaron tisch makes a great friday night out but (again just my personal experience) it didn't help me stop..

you are busier with your learning and if you are in the brisk/mir area and don't go around that much, what are you looking at? of course there are going to be shmiras einayim challenges sometimes but in general you are pretty secluded. also a lot of people do not have access to internet there as easily as they do in their homes hence why it makes p easier. regarding m you are more tired and sometimes just want to go to sleep, and also there are many more things that you can do to fill your time rather than having time alone somewhere.

yerushalmikugel wrote on 01 Apr 2025 16:21:

It looks like you may have misunderstood what he was saying. If you are going to EY for ruchniyus and keep the sidrey yeshiva, it’s a phenomenal opportunity. If you spend your time eating kugel in mea shearim and going to hafganos, you’ll have the typical triggers for p and mb. 

I don't want this debate to get heated but i've been on the low flame for a while now...

Let me tell you a bit about myself.

I was a bochur in some of the most prestigious institutions of klal yisroel. 
I was a very good bochur. Actually a 'top' bochur. A ba'al kishron and a masmid. I learned bein hasdorim. I learned after 3rd seder.

I ran away from hafgonas, and of course I didnt eat kugel! (Do you think I'm a cannibal??)

Anyway, one of my hardest tekufos was then. And yes, Radiant Unicorn is definitely right about having less access to porn (although that should really be the case in any yeshiva, anywhere) the lifestyle was NOT conducive to stopping masturbation. Firstly the stress of being a 'top bochur' is very intense. Especially when I was feeling down about my struggle. My chavrusas and dira-mates were top-notch and I always felt pressured to keep up. There were other factors as well, as I mentioned, not having a proper rebbi or feeling lost in a huge yeshiva (especially because I came from a place where I was the "knacker")

In terms of the ruchnius and kedusha you mentioned, yes that can be uplifting, but really yeshiva is yeshiva anywhere. So if you are struggling now please don't think going to ey is automatically a solution.

Phew, rant over.
I'm off to get a can of pickles!

radiantunicorn71 wrote on 31 Mar 2025 21:33:

if you noticed i had mentioned in my first post that you cannot let your guard down because the yetzer hara is still there. that means the intent was not that it fixes your problems rather in a general sense it takes away opportunities to slip.

yerushalmikugel wrote on 01 Apr 2025 19:49:

I’ve been standing in the sidelines observing the discussion, but not getting your point. You admit that you felt stressed out and lonely. You could have chosen a smaller yeshiva, or made a kesher with one of the many rabeyim in the big yeshivos. Your mehalech hamachshava is not clear. Regardless, your situation was an aberration. For the typical bachur who goes to a tzugepast yeshiva, Al pi Pashtus he’s going to have a good opportunity to shteig. 

radiantunicorn71 wrote on 01 Apr 2025 22:09:

You are correct, the YH is everywhere. The Ruchniyus in EY makes it easier. 

livingagain wrote on 01 Apr 2025 22:11:

Absolutely! If you see the beginning of the discussion, the mashmous was that going to big/good yeshivah in ey helps. Thats what I was coming to argue. Also, the smaller yeshiva + kesher can happen in yeshivos outside ey too, no?

Tachlis, if you need help, get it (and you are if you're here...).
Please, please dont rely on being meshaneh mokom to be meshaneh mazel! (from someone that went through it.)

Anyway, we completely derailed this thread, apologies to those who started it.



Lets try get it back on track....

I’ve been watching this thread from the sidelines trying not to get involved but boy is my chalmi kugel starting to burn,

I, like HaRav kugel am a buchur who learnt in very prestigious yeshivos in America and in EY, and I agree that mitzad the yeshiva aspect in EY the P/M and shmiras eynayim fight is many times more difficult, meaning in America (at least if you were in said prestigious yeshivos) you are more or less insulated and protected by the many recourses the yeshiva provided, that being influential Rabbiem to talk to, long periods of seclusion from the outside world, strict gedarim of leaving the yeshiva, and a real intense matziv of being surrounded by your friends 24/7, which all the above you don’t have in EY, you don’t have rabbiem, you’re not secluded from anything (even if you don’t go to machas and you’re careful about where you go) no one is stopping you from going to geula to get some petzuchim Vhamavin yavin, and you will definitely be lonelier at times. Now no amount of holiness or shmussen from the RY can protect you or get you those maylos in EY.

However, there is what to be said about the dangers of yeshivos in America, that being going home at least once a month,where many people have a lot more access than what they can get in EY.

All in all, I can’t agree more with the Kugel Rav


But I agree that we shouldn't derail this topic anymore than it has been already