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I feel you man.... B"H ain't an easy time, I think the key is having a good plan maybe call some ppl and work something out (daily check-ins ect.) before you step into it, Also all you can do in regards to triggers is to remove as many as you can and leave the rest of them to Hashem and most importantly STAY IN TOUCH with the chevra.


I'm confident that you COULD come out on the other side of this squeaky clean NOTHING is inevitable!!!

I empathize with you and share similar feelings at this time, also based on similar past experiences. But during this zman I worked hard on self control, and think I’ve made progress. Being realistic, it’s going to happen but it’s not going to get me farklapped. I’ve come to understand that even the best among us struggle with this,  abd it’s an ongoing battle. Best to think positive, and to allocate the falls as part of  the natural order, There is no better way to approach these occurrences other than the normal life cycle of events.  

Bein Hazmanim is definitely daunting and more challenging. The increased access and excessive unstructured time are not ideal. As a healthy male certain situations will trigger an urge. That's just the normal way our male bodies work and is something we all have to accept. As Jews striving for growth and change, we know Hashem doesn't give us any challenge we can't succeed in. He gives us challenges so that we will succeed. Although we might have a bad track record, falling during bein hazmanim - although understandable - is not inevitable.

Since we're all in this together, let's each try to share one practical tip on this thread to help make "this bein hazmanim different from all the other bein hazmanims."

Something I've been thinking about is using a picture of someone I want to respect me as a way to ground myself when an urge hits. The inspiration obviously comes from the image of Yaakov appearing to Yosef which saved him from this very struggle. Maybe consider printing out a small picture of a Gadol, Rebbe, Grandparent, or other role model, and keeping the tiny piece of paper in your back pocket. During an urge take out the picture, or even just touch your pocket, and ask yourself "what would they advise me to do in this situation?" I don't think it's awkward if someone discovers the picture because there's no way they'd connect it to this.

This idea, although without the physical picture, worked for me this week. I was white knuckling all day and by night sedar was ready to give in. I told my chavrusa I wanted to end early to do extra chazara and was about to walk out when B"H I remembered this idea. I thought of my great-grandfather ah"s and the clouds cleared instantly. "Actually, I'll do that chazara another time," I said, and continued what ended as a very strong sedar. 

Wishing everyone a Chag Kasher V'Sameach - Kasher in all areas and Sameach from winning our battles. 

benporasyosef wrote on 28 Mar 2025 04:03:

My Rosh yeshiva said that one can shteig in kedusha more in Bain hazmanim when you are confronted with nisyonos. Davka from overcoming the taava we get stronger. To paraphrase, Bain hazmanim is the marathon and we trained and prepared during the zman.  

Practically speaking; stay BUSY

Personally, I found that most of my challenges in bein hazmanim came from boredom, and the low/empty feelings that come from doing nothing all day.

Make yourself a fixed routine. Fixed minyan. Chavrusa, exercise time etc..
Scrub everything and anything for pesach till your back breaks and all your bones are sore... 

This helps me avoid nisyonos/not even have time to think/lust about these struggles.

yerushalmikugel wrote on 28 Mar 2025 12:58:

I
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livingagain wrote on 28 Mar 2025 13:16:

There could be more specific reasons, but in general if your cleaning is strenuous, exercise increases blood flow, releases endorphins, and can affect hormones which could lead to an increased libido - if the stress doesn't eat it all up and then some.

Just to add to all the great suggestions mentioned:
Choose a sugya that appeals to us.
During the zman we are more constricted to the sugya that the yeshiva is learning. That sugya may, or may not appeal to us as much as others.
Bain Hazmanim we can take some time to learn other inyanim.
Choose something that we can chew over even when we are not in front of the sefer.

Ein Shmira Ktorah!

BenHashemBH wrote on 28 Mar 2025 13:39:

BenHashemBH, are you giving us a way out of pesach cleaning??

seekingkedusha1 wrote on 25 Mar 2025 06:09:

Bh yesterday was a win. Despite being triggered several times, I didn’t give in. I looked away.

Also my chaver who had gotten into “the” yeshiva, came home. Before he left for EY, he was basically meyuash. No matter how much he tried, he couldn’t control. Now he’s telling me the matzav is gevaldig. Inspired by r meilich biderman and r don segol and the ry chumash shiur. He claims In ey it’s much easier. Definitely something for me to look forward to. 

seekingkedusha1 wrote on 31 Mar 2025 15:07:

Wow! Kol hakavod!
Have a pickle!

seekingkedusha1 wrote on 31 Mar 2025 15:07:

R Meilich Biderman is tremendous. But you don’t have to go to EY to hear him. His toirah is distributed throughout the world. He is very positive and encouraging.

But agreed that EY Can definitely be conducive to an ideal learning environment. Especially if you get into the top yeshiva. You still have to be vigilant when you leave the yeshiva, like to go shopping. 

unbeleivable! keep it going! ey is a little easier cuz you're more tired but don't let your guard down there! the yetzer hara is still there!

Interesting that you feel ey is easier... I found ey (as a bochur) way harder... The hefkierus of dira life, less structure, less kesher to rabeim, more loneliness (and I was in 'the top yeshivos'...)