Hi all, 

Just read around the forums and was blown away by others stories and struggles and wins. Really inspirational.
Thank you GYE!

I guess I'll start from the beginning of my journey.

As a kid I was an early bloomer. At the age of 7-8 I started getting all these urges that I didn't know what they were or why they were happening. 
As I got older it only increased. I vividly recall probably when I was around 12, thinking there's something medically wrong with me. Somehow convinced my mom to get me a blood test. All came back normal lol. The urges never let me alone as I got older and really bothered me as I knew there was something more going on and had no clue what it can be. 

At the age of 14-15 I managed to get on a computer and search. Eventually found some forums which described puberty P&M and unfortunately that M is normal and healthy. I recall how I was like whats M, which lead to me discovering M in full capacity. First time it happened I thought something ruptured and was petrified was nearly in tears.

After this discovery, I felt extremely let down by everyone. Never being explained how or what these feelings are. Why my body wanted what it wanted. I was upset for having been so concerned and worried past couple of years. Eventually this became my MO to everything, an escape to stress, life, tests etc... 

When I was a bit older I fully discovered P. helped me escape loneliness and stress. Once I was 17-18 I realized how bad of a sin this was. I have tried white-knuckling for a bit. Was free from P for many months. Eventually it was more of a bein hazmanim escape. 

Once I reached 22 I made a strong commitment to stopping and was relatively successful. 

Got married bh. had a kid. Mostly without falling. 

The last 3-4 years I've been falling, getting up, repeat. Sheva yipol tzadok. I realize how much I've been relying on it.

Going to put the effort in to quit with sy'd. 

  

Shalom Holy Brother,

Welcome to the family! Your story is both saddening and relatable. 

Here are some resources that many have found helpful:

There is the F2F Program, the Vaad Program (click here for an explanation of what the vaad is), and the book The Battle of the Generation - many have found this very helpful in reframing their mindset regarding this struggle.

These Hall of Fame Threads where you can follow some of the great journeys and learn valuable lessons and deep insight in how others have faced these nisyonos.


There is also an extremely powerful tool of connection, accountability, friends, and mentors that have helped hundreds - myself included.
HHM - Hashem Help Me - is the mentor-in-chief around here. He's reachable at michelgelner@gmail.com.
Some of the other great guys here are Eerie - 1gimpelovitz@gmail.com, ChaimOigen – chaim.oigen@gmail.com, Muttel - muttel15@gmail.com, Iwannalivereal iwannalivereal@gmail.com, Vehkam vehkam7@gmail.com, Amevakesh amevakesh23@gmail.com, ProudYungerman proudyungerman@gmail.com, Iwantlife - iwantlifegye@proton.me, and I’m sorry that there are others I’ve surely left out.

Stick around, keep posting, connect with the oilam, and bezH you’ll see hatzlacha.

Welcome to the most amazing family on Earth! 
My friend, stick around. This place is amazing, there's a lot to learn, but with friends here to help it'll be enjoyable
Post, ask, read, connect, we are here for you, we care about you, and we all want to see you succeed!
Hatzlacha!

Hashem will definitely help you

Welcome! Try strengthening yourself with these great free resources:

1) The Battle of the Generation: a sensational free ebook that seriously gets you excited to fight and win this fight. It's a real game-changer.

2) The Fight: an incredible audio series from Rabbi Shafier.

Links are below in my signature. Wishing you much success!

Welcome to the warmest family in the world!

Here you will find true care, concern, and warmth.
Here you will learn that you CAN break free!
As has been mentioned, there are many tools here to help you in this fight. Some of them you may be familiar with, some may be new.
There is the F2F Program, the Vaad Program (click here for an explanation of what the vaad is), and the book The Battle of the Generation - many have found this very helpful in reframin' the struggle, as you mentioned.
Posting is a great way to connect, learn, and grow also. 
(The Hall of Fame Thread is a great compilation of some the great threads on GYE.)

There is also an extremely powerful tool of accountability, friends, and mentors, as has been mentioned, that has helped hundreds - myself included.
HHM - Hashem Help Me - is the mentor-in-chief around here. He's reachable at michelgelner@gmail.com.
Some of the other great guys here are Eerie - 1gimpelovitz@gmail.com, Muttel - muttel15@gmail.com,   Reb Akiva - mevakesh247@gmail.com iwantlife - iwantlifegye@proton.me minhamayim - minhamayim1@gmail.com amevakesh - amevakesh23@gmail.com

Keep postin', you'll see, the oilam is here for you.

Lookin' forward to seeing great things from you!
And don't forget, as always, KOMT!!

Thank you all for the welcome!

B'h had a successful few days. 

I found that keeping to my daily schedule is a big factor in how easy/hard my days will go. 

When my day starts off late, no set schedule etc then my YH tries much harder (or stress from constant rush to work/davening later or leaving early. 

How's it going, buddy?