Hello everyone,

When everything comes apart, the שטן is always there to tempt.  When the world crumbles, he is already ready to corrupt and entangle.  This is the struggle that I have had (that I'm sure almost all of you have had) for decades.  It always happens when I am at my lowest point.  Whether it's my parents yelling at teenage me, my wife expressing her disapproval, or when I look at myself in the mirror and wonder at just how awful a person I truly am.  He is there, and so are his little tools.

I have always struggled with this problem.  Sometimes I even manage to succeed for awhile, only for one failure to drop me back to below square one.  And like the subject states: I'm trying.  I truly am.  G-d please forgive me and grant me the strength I clearly do not have.  I don't know if I have it in me.

Sincerely,
A broken person.

strugglingwithbetrayal wrote on 16 Feb 2025 14:59:

Oy, my dear brother! Your pain comes clear through your post!
But know this, you have come to the right place.
You have just joined the warmest family in the world!

Here you will find true care, concern, and warmth.
Here you will learn that you CAN break free!
There are many tools here to help you in this fight.
There is the F2F Program, the Vaad Program (click here for an explanation of what the vaad is), and the book The Battle of the Generation - many have found this very helpful in reframin' the struggle.


There is also an extremely powerful tool of accountability, friends, and mentors, as has been mentioned, that has helped hundreds - myself included.
HHM - Hashem Help Me - is the mentor-in-chief around here. He's reachable at michelgelner@gmail.com.
Some of the other great guys here are Eerie - 1gimpelovitz@gmail.com, Muttel - muttel15@gmail.com,   Reb Akiva - mevakesh247@gmail.com iwantlife - iwantlifegye@proton.me minhamayim - minhamayim1@gmail.com

Keep postin', you'll see, the oilam is here for you.

Lookin' forward to seeing great things from you!
And don't forget, as always, KOMT!!

Thanks.  I can't tell you how much I need the chizuk.  I have so much gratitude to HK"BH for my son.  Whenever he is around and awake, nothing else matters.  But he's not always there for me, obviously.  And, obviously, that's not his fault.  I can be the awesome dad he needs while he's helping his father cope in his own way, but I need something more concrete and consistent.

I'm a ba'al teshuva, so I'm not very up on the lingo.  What is "KOMT"?

strugglingwithbetrayal wrote on 16 Feb 2025 14:59:

Sure you have it in you. Some of the real special people here would be happy to talk you though finding the tools.
You can do it.
Many people here have done it before you.
Reach out. Connect. Post.
Hatzlocha

Keep on monster trucking!!!  Komt!!!

Hi strugglingwithbetreyal, I really appreciated your post, and can relate to the feelings you describe. When I started here in the summer and started talking to guys one thing I realized was that I never truly believed I could break free. I always thought i would need it and return to it because life always has its “lows” and like you said, the yetzer hara always swoops in at just the right time, bringing me back to my crutch, my familiar coping mechanism to help with all of life’s many challenges.

With that said, I know now that belief is not true. and for me, uprooting that false belief was an essential part of my ticket to freedom. And I’m not a malach, and you don’t need to be either. You absolutely 100% can be a normal human being with tremendous struggles like I was (still a normal human being, no longer have tremendous struggles in this area bH) and you CAN get to a place where p&m is NOT the crutch you turn to when things get rough
or you’re feeling down. 

And yes, even if, like me, you didn’t grow up “in the system”.
And yes, even if, like me, you were exposed from a young age, and fell consistently for 10+ years, building a long-standing habit, with very few notable clean periods despite all my genuine trying.

For me, the tools and connection I found here enabled me to flip 180 degrees, and after shattering all my previously held beliefs about myself and my “limits”, I’ll never look back. and throughout this time, though life has continued to have its ups and downs, its highs and sometimes its deep lows, yet the change has proven to be a real one. Nothing short of a fundamental paradigm shift.

I’d be happy to speak more about this, or anything else, in pms or you can text me at +19085887994

Stick around, reach out, connect with some of the chevra, you can absolutely break free. And you came to the right place to do it, my friend. For real this time.

Wishing you lots of ס״ד and hatzlacha on your journey and looking forward to seeing you take it further than you ever imagined.

Warmly,
AE

Hey! Welcome! Sounds like your guilt and perspective on the struggle is getting in the way of you succeeding. Please check out The Battle of the Generation guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation. It will help you gain a new perspective on the struggle, which will help you in your journey. (If the link doesn't work, use the one in my signature.)

My marriage is also broken as a result of this.  So I need double the chizuk.

hi'
i wish you all the best, and like all others i am sure that with hashems help you hav eit in you to find the best way thru

whats your wifes reaction?
and also, how was your marriage before that?

strugglingwithbetrayal wrote on 16 Feb 2025 14:59:

Hey SWB, welcome!

From your post, it seems that you see the Satan as an opportunist. Things (naturally) fall apart (just because they do), and he immediately shows up to take advantage.
Here's a radical idea: Maybe he makes things go sour for you in the first place because he knows that's how he can get you.
[Insert head exploding emoji]

Let's say this is true; now what? It can add a layer of perspective to life's struggles. You can see him scheming before getting hit by the full impact. For example, as soon as your wife starts expressing disapproval, you can realize he's trying to set you up and take measures to stay grounded. (Of course, this is not to say that you should dismiss what your wife says, but that you needn't get sucked into the abyss by it.)

strugglingwithbetrayal wrote on 16 Feb 2025 15:44:

I'm ffb and also got no clue what that means, among other similar stuff on here.....  either way welcome brother!!! there are amazing people out there to connect to!

It's "Keep On Monster Trucking" and I like to add ODAAT "One Day At A Time"

thompson wrote on 17 Feb 2025 18:08:



Perhaps.  But I can't assign blame to an outside force.  I make the decision to fall because it's a choice.  The wrong one, but it's a choice nonetheless.  I feel it would be better to prove to him that I'm not a target by not making the choice in the first place.

balancedunicorn66 wrote on 17 Feb 2025 18:07:

Amein!

She completely supports me being here and is happy I'm working toward bettering myself, whatever the result.  Our marriage was always rocky, though, because I have my own issues with her.  I don't like airing dirty laundry, though.

That's 7 days, unofficially (because I count the day before I was introduced to this site) that I've been clean.  It's right around now that I either start to stress out from lack of stimulus, or start to rely on my old crutches (gaming works pretty well if it's not stigmatized).  This is going to be really difficult...