Dear Rimon,

I agree with everyone above in saying dont think you understand Hashem's Cheshbonos. I know a lot of very holy people who had/had sons OTD. 
And I know a few sinners who have everything going for them in life. The greatest tzadikim pondered this question. So not only isnt it helpful to blame yourself, its probably the YH thats doing it to you so to keep you down and under his control. 
Dont listen to him. Listen to the Yetzer Tov. 

Hashem loves you! The Same way you love your kids even though they are not exactly doing what you want them to do. He loves you more than that, because He understands what you are thinking feeling. He is keeping you alive every millisecond of every day. 
You can and will overcome this struggle! You can and will fix your relationships, all of them! 

Even if we cant know what Hashems reasons are, we DO know that by fixing this struggle you are getting holier and purer which will make your life better in ways you cant imagine. 

Good luck

Could we get a confirmation on that Tanya (if it's the Tanya) and if it's taken a tikkun .       

Hello Reb Azivas Shlit"a,
You've really helped me feel more optimistic than I've felt in a while, I'm really touched by your's and everyone else's responses but even more; I've been inspired to look out of my own Daled Amos and think about what you and others are going through and to Daven for you as well. 
Brocho Vehatzlocho in all Inyonim. I never expected this forum to be so uplifting!

Tanya near the end of perek zayin (6th of Teveis in the daily schedule). 

In English:
Yet the vitality which is in the drops of semen that issued wastefully, even though it has been degraded and incorporated in the three unclean kelipot, nevertheless it can ascend from there by means of true repentance [a lower level than the repentance from love that is needed to transform other sins into merits - see earlier in the perek] and intense kavana during the recital of the Shema at bedtime, as is known from the Arizal and is implied in the Talmudic saying, "He who recites the Shema at bedtime is as if he held a double-edged sword . . .," wherewith to slay the bodies of the extraneous forces that have become garments for the vitality which is in the drops of semen, so that this vitality may ascend, as is known to the students of Kabbalah. 

In summation, the ohr of kedusha in the zera levatala gets kidnapped to the sitrah acharon, but it can be rescued and brought back with teshuva and krias Shema al hamita.

My personal thoughts on this were that Hashem's purpose for zera is that a man should be able to procreate with his wife, and the most proper place for this intimacy is in the bed at night. So the tikkun involves wholeheartedly declaring Shema - Hashem's sovereignty, by the bed at night.

lamaazavtuni wrote on 17 Feb 2025 04:27:

Dear Reb Lamaazavtuni Shlit"a,
I just finished  listening to that shiur from R' Deutch. It was amazing! spot on! Just what I needed, I can't thank you enough! Spread the word! His mekoros are so clear and his delivery was very humble and sympathetic, the right mix for me to accept the message.
(as a side point, I remember being in summer camp together with Reb Uri a few decades ago, when he was a bochur in Brisk).
May you have only continued Hatzlocho, especially in the zechus of sharing this.