Here goes... I fell....

Monday got a bit stressful and I wasn't feeling good about myself and I gave in, first I was slipping and then I fell.

After a tough night and a few converstionsconversations with some chevre we made it thru and now bh I'm back and ready to plow forward.

Just a interesting point from my experience which will take time to master but I think others can learn from it.
My wife knows about my struggles which can create complications but it also gives me much comfort knowing that she understands and helps in many ways. Still when I'm stuck in my feelings I start to withdraw which I not a good feeling and creates distance, so here I was on Monday night dreading having to admit that I fell and petrified of her reaction which wasn't very good finally after some coaching from hhm to write a card and spending the day at work we start acting normal and cruise into conversations with feelings of understanding, that straight away lifted me back into fighting mode.

I don't know how clear that is but a lot of the issue was creating her being upset in my mind instead of just trying to communicate properly what's going on. 

Now I'm at day 4 and hope to continue fighting homon and then moving on to real cheiruseinu.

As your name says it all KEEP TRYING!!!!!
     Hazlacha ah gut shabbos!!!!

I've continued having a hard time, maybe I'll just post here daily where I'm holding.
don't feel much hope for long-term.
Here goes day 1

Day 2

Well it happened again,  I feel lost and confused I really want to stop but not sure what to do... I'm in touch with a few people but always taking out too late.

Day 1

Try to reach out earlier it's much more potent like that 

Here's a hug brother! I can't imagine the pain you're in. It's gotta be tough trying so hard and then feeling like it's beyond our control. But you've tasted success before, you know that you can do it. We're rooting hard for you to be successful. Whatever you do, DON'T GIVE UP. KOMT!!!

Day 3
hoping for a good week

trying23 wrote on 23 Mar 2025 04:13:

Small adjustment. HUGE difference!

I'm posting for the sake of posting, feeling terrible and hopeless.
trying to keep on a good face at home... but I'm falling again and again.

Day 1
feeling a bit optimistic 

trying23 wrote on 27 Mar 2025 03:47:

The real response to this in my head is "how can you feel optimistic? You just fell again and again..."
now everyone else here will post why I'm wrong

trying23 wrote on 27 Mar 2025 03:49:

Shalom Brother,

You have a holy and pure Neshama that comes from and is part of the Creator of the Entire Universe. His abilities have no limits and He recreates us in every moment. You can have a new heart, just like that. Today you are an entirely new person with entirely new choices and entirely new potentials. (Without overdoing it) you have valid reasons to feel optimistic. Nothing to do with what has been or may be - zeh hayom asah Hashem, nagilah v'nismecha vo. 

Hatzlacha and Kol Tov

It's not about winning, it's about fighting. That being said, it's about fighting honestly to win. We're a'strivin' for perfection. Even if we ain't there yet, as long as we're on the path toward there, there's joy in each step. The journey itself is the goal.

I forgot to post here yesterday, today is day 3
a gut shabbos a gut chodesh and may we experience a geulah peroti and kloli