Crazy how the longer we get clean the crazier the YH gets  so I'm just gonna chazer over to myself y I don't want it as the last few days have been painfuly hard with many slips.            #1i took the plunge reached out and am killing it bh who knows if I fall if I'll get another chance.     #2life hasn't been this good in a really long time don't mess it up.  #3once I break this streak who knows if I'm opening myself up to a lifetime of struggling.   #3 Im lo achshav aimasai , my whole life I sed I'll stop but never did , so now I'll push it off even more ?   #4 my mentors will be so let down. #5 my behaviors have gotten riskyer and riskyer if I don't stop now God knows we're ill end up.  #6i know now from experience I don't need a release at all.  #7if I fall now it's going to be a really bad one that I'll regret forever  so y would I do it. #8my menuchas hanefesh that I have now (when I'm not dealing with a trigger) makes me so content and fulfilled .     
           To end on a happier not today's day 40 all my bocherish years this was a number I really tried to reach unsuccessfully and it feels really good to finally get here .            Thank you hashem.  And thank you to his shluchim/Malachi.

Wow what a zechhus to meet r hhm .  I got a shtikle bal shemtov gilgul vibes       rabousay chap Aroin r michel in this world cause in th next world hes gonna be way to far from our backseat

lamaazavtuni wrote on 24 Jan 2025 04:09:

This post brought tears to my eyes, keep strong! You should know this post has helped me tremendously by reading how difficult your pain is and realizing that I'm not alone and you are with me and the rest of us in imense and daunting emotional turmoil.

This ride is really getting exhausting . In the last 48 hours I've met with hhm eerie muttel and spoke with @minhamayim  a few times  while these meetings are calming they also make me nervous(mainly by what we're talking about and realizing i need a lot of fixing up in multiple different areas which is triggering cause then im looking to calm myself .....)    and cause I'm staying clean it's coming out in the most mental yetser haras, not gonna go into detail but I assure you it's really mudneh . I hope this gets easier cause I'm not sure how much more my delicate neshamah is going to be able to hold out.   Did a little filter poking just now wishing somehow the filter would just stop working  not that I'm technologically advanced I knew it wouldn't work but felt like I gotta feed the YH somehow ...       Ill end with a quote think it's r bunim of peshischa HASHEM BRING THE GEULA ALLREADY,  CAUSE THE LONGER IT TAKES THE LESS ERLICHEH YIDDEN YOULL HAVE TO GREET MOSHIACH.


    Feeling a little AZAV.. and atsav

lamaazavtuni wrote on 13 Feb 2025 05:40:

oooops maybe the real answer is to meet with the altehmirrer right now! nuuuuuu! lol! the real truth (and this is for myself) is that while it's very nice important and productive to meet all these tzaddikim.........., the main person we have to meet with is ourselves, and that's sooooooo hard, alot harder than meeting all these people face to face, because once we meet ourselves the meeting (hopefully) is never over! (again this is really talking to myself, thanx for letting me use your thread!), 

Hatzlocha from the mir!!!!!!!!!

Hayetuchin an altehmirrers still up ???!!     Maybe he's treking to the outhouse.

lamaazavtuni wrote on 13 Feb 2025 05:55:

Like i said, it's my hour for the only ktzos...

R alter could you pm me   as previously stated I'm very not technologically advanced   some might say I'm on the technological spectrum..  

lamaazavtuni wrote on 13 Feb 2025 05:40:

Of course we want the Geula to come right now, Lmaancha, for His sake. But for some, if the right time has not yet come, what we have been given is perhaps yuuuge massive opportunity to raise our neshamos in these final days. Whatever we do or don't get to, we can show how much we want it.

lamaazavtuni wrote on 10 Feb 2025 16:23:

Just curious, why do you think that you absolutely need to break free in one streak or else you're doomed forever?
You have posted similar comments in other places too, and I am wondering about it: Do you think it's true? Do you think it's a healthy outlook? Do you think that is using the streak in a helpful way?

KOMT!!

Not sure if I'm using it in a healthy way your raising a good point but what I am sure about is that I feel now that I got a chance to really deal and to an extent get rid of(again to a large extent)of the YH in these inyanim ,  a opportunity that I really never had in a serious way and bh I'm still in the fight on the other hand once i fall (if) I now crossed the red line that even if my struggles my whole life can be said that I was an oines and I didn't have the tools to deal with them NOW I wouldn't be able to say that I have the tools sort of have the connections... So once that bridge is crossed what's stopping me again from doing it one more time THEN getting help (which was basically how I looked at it my whole life that I'll figure it out one day but not today.       Also this court sort of comes in I think I heard it from dov like 10 years ago that we say vehaser Satan milfanainu umayacharainu and he said that Yehuda was forced by a Malach to have relations with Tamar , the test there was mayacharainu if hell admit it.  So dov sed sometimes we don't have bechira on the avaira before it's how we deal with it after that's the nisayon.       
now I lived with that vort a lot and don't think it overall it was good for me cause I didnt feel as bad falling , so I think the way to look at it is BEFORE the nisayon the streaks everything AFTER yes you gotta change our thought process on a streak.

focus on the positive. you can use the opportunity and streaks you have as motivation to stay clean but don't let the yetzer hara get into your head worrying about potential falls.

What is most important is to make changes in your life that you will keep up even if chas veshalom you have a setback.  as long as you are pushing forward you will iyh continue to get stronger and stronger against this yetzer hara

it is never about the streak. it is always about the effort that you are putting in.  

best wishes
vehkam

Hey buddy ever tried climbing mount everest? if you were to wanna try u will fall on the way up it's the only way to get there! so when the climber falls he can either give up..... or sit down enjoy the high view a little then stand up wipe off the snow and keep on climbing, the better he gets at it the less he'll fall, aderabeh hopefully your already a professional, but even if your not yet (like most beginners, uhhhum at least that's what i wanna believe! cuz that's my experience) lets enjoy the climb together!

kol tuv from the mir!

To be honest to all here I came pretty close to falling today so after my passionate post about my streak...      so I'm being mekabel 60 jumping jacks a day till next week Thursday a 7 day kabbalah. Feel like this would help a lot as I've been smoking a ton since I started this journey and have totally not dieted so scared to know how much I gained .  I'll keep the oiloms posted day by day for accountability on the jumping js.        Everyone should have a lichtigeh heilige shabbos!!!!!

Ah git voch , Did jumping js on Friday forgot to post it !! And just did today's ,!!    Ready to take on this week by hook or by crook !   Can't wait to get to day 50 hashem help me make it happen.