There was a flyer in yeshiva about the esa einai shovavim project, and as a 20 year old I figured It’s worth a try.

In 10th grade, I started to watch porn, and shortly thereafter started masterbating. In the beginning it was only sporadic, but with time it became more frequent. My thinking at the time was that this is something all teen agers do, and it’s part of    
natural development. No one had ever taught me  otherwise

In 12th grade, my rebbe gave a strong shmuz about motzi zera levatala. I approached him afterwards, and he said focusing in learning is the 
best antedote. I was able to cut down on the porn, not the masterbation. 

As stated previously, the esa einai project is geared to bachurim and worth a try. Additionally, I 
intend to review the material on this site, and reach out to the people mentioned in the threads.

To be honest, though I’m motivated, I don’t think I can stop. I am easily triggered, and have tried very hard to stop without success. Frankly, I don’t 
think it’s possible if you are single without an outlet. 

There are some threads of people reporting success. But I haven’t seen one by a bachur who is easily triggered and has been struggling for several years. 

So it might be s good idea to post and report my progress or lack thereof. More importantly, I would be interested in hearing from any bachur my age who has been able to stop. It doesn’t seem possible to me prior to marriage. While i have no sctual knowledge, it seems to me that all 
bachurim struggle with this to some extent.-

So in short, while I’d like to get totally clean, I’m not overly optimistic. I’m approaching this with an open mind and would be interested in being apprised by other bachurim what has worked for you.

Clearly it’s a serious aveira. However is this something a bachur can completely abstain from with all the triggers? I haven’t done a study, but I think all bachurim are nichshal to some extent. Maybe I’m wrong. 

Hoping to get Kadosh and clean. I’d be interested in hearing your thoughts. 

HI! Welcome to the most amazing family on earth, my friend! You sound like an amazing guy!
My friend, I've spoken to many, many bachurim, and I can assure you that many sounded exactly like you, are still a little while away from shidduchim etc., and without an outlet, and they are doing wonderfully! And you can, too! 
Looking forward to watching you soar!

Shalom Brother and welcome!

I strongly suggest you join the lucky bochurim that got to connect with Reb Eerie - his email is in his signature: 1gimpelovitz@gmail.com

Another thing you might check out is the book The Battle of the Generation, available on Amazon and free on GYE via the link. It has helped many to reframe their mindset in this fight.

Stay in touch with the oilam here and BezH you'll see hatzlacha.
Kol Tov

I’ve spoken to a couple of bochrim who’ve been clean for years they just don’t talk about it so we don’t really know them an outlet won’t help you most cases it only gets worse truth is masterbaition and porn have nothing to do with sex it’s two separate things and one will not help the other from me a bocher to you what I would recommend is if you think you can’t stop witch is possible at least learn how to minimize the masterbaition and stop the porn and how to get up after a fall witch gye is very good for porn will ruin your view on women and will make shidduchim a whole lot harder than it is already I’m speaking from experience here at the end of the day it doesn’t hurt to try and minimize your use of these things witch is definitely possible without a doubt 

Welcome! Kudos for trying to tackle this before you get married. Trust me, you REALLY want to kick the habit before you start dating and get married.
Personally, I only started m******ing after I got married. Not once did I do it before I got married. So it’s definitely possible. Also, Like somebody else said on here, s*x and p**n are not the same thing. The idea that if you have an outlet you wont be drawn to p**n is simply false, unfortunately.

Wishing you best of luck on your journey 

Hi seekingkedusha1! I don't often post, but I couldn't resist responding to yours!
I am a Bochur in yeshiva, and 20 years old. I'm not sure about the 'getting triggered easily' part, but I can say that I've been "Around the Block" with this inyan. I've been clean for a while now, and I can testify that it is one hundred percent possible. The best part is, that not only is it possible, but last year's Esa Einai project played a major role in my journey. You have definitely come to the right place, and with some help and a bit of work you'll be on your way to a brighter and fulfilling future. Feel free to reach out if you want to schmooze, my email is iyhashem50@gmail.com.
Looking forward to hearing from you! Hatzlacha Rabbah!

Before I got married I was in the same matzav. I spoke to the mashgiach who was very receptive and understanding.

He encouraged me to join a vaad of other bachurim who were in a similar situation. At first I was reluctant because I didn’t want others to know I was being nichshal. But with his repeated suggestions , I joined. 

All discussions in the vaad are confidential. It was a group of 5 bachurim,  including ones considered very chashuv. I found others that I could open up to and get guidance and support. We met on a weekly basis.

Over time it was very helpful in dealing with the urges. Admittedly, the problem didn’t go away, but I had a support network. 

Maybe you could join a vaad. You’ll find a chevra who are also faced with this nisayon. I do not know if the problem is as extensive as you contend, but there are others going through the same.

It’s been several days since my original post. Besides for joining the esa einai program, I’ve also been reading some of the ebooks on the website. Most of what I’ve read so far emphasizes the importance of shmiras habris. That point is pretty clear to me so that’s really not much of an issue. 
The next step is dealing with the urges. So I’ve read about accountability and reaching out. My request for a GYE partner is still pending. 
Avoiding triggers is also essential so shmiras eynayim is something Ive been working on. There’s room for improvement. 

I appreciate the emails I’ve received encouraging me to go forward with this and to be more optimistic. It’s too early to come to a proper opinion on the prognosis for success. Since I started this I’ve been clean, which is good. But it’s been with a great struggle. 

Hoping it will get easier and maybe I’ll learn some practical tools how to deal with the urge. The battle of the generation and flight to freedom have been recommended to me. There hasn’t been enough time for me to get to them. 

Hoping to stay clean. 

Struggled very hard over shabas. Tried to refocus my mind, but wouldn’t work. No one to reach out to. At least I was able to hold back from acting out. 

that one little "At least I was able to hold back from acting out"
Is HUGE!!!

dont take whooping your Yetzer Hara lightly!
Especially because you "Struggled very hard over shabas"

livingagain wrote on 18 Jan 2025 23:06:

Seems like we have gibor over here wow alone on shabbos with a hard nisoyen and you held back from going all the way!!!!! you deffinetly belong in the mir!!!! moch plotz!!!!

It’s been a week since I first joined, so a brief self assessment is appropriate. B”h I haven’t done anything which is a major accomplishment. But not all is in order. I sit in shiur or the Bais medrash, and my mind is thinking improper thoughts. Try as I may, I haven’t been able to control my mind. having a clear mind would make things much easier. But considering my fantasizing and what I’ve done for years, these thoughts and memories are deeply imbedded in my brain. Learning is supposed to clear the mind but so far has not worked for me. 

another issue is that I have been flying solo with no support. There’s still no response to my partner requests. If you are in a similar predicament and can relate to my situation, please consider reaching out. It would be a tremendous chizuk. 
I don’t feel comfortable discussing this with friends, but I used shovavim to broach the topic with a friend I respect. He basically said that we all struggle with Hotzas zera and we have to try our best. So I guess I’m really not alone in this. As long as I try to avoid triggers that’s a major avoida. It’s mostprobably best to have a positive attitude and not be deterred by my shortcomings. Having the taava is part of being a bachur. So it’s important to try to get control of my mind and actions. But until I get there, I have to accept that I’ll occasionally act out and that this is something all bachurim deal with..
In sum, it’s been a clean week. Feeling alone in this nisayon is a challenge and hopefully I’ll find a partner to work on our issues on a daily basis. Meanwhile I have to be thankful that I’ve made progress and  not become despondent with my machshavos or if I fall. As is noted on other threads, take one day at a time.  

seekingkedusha1 wrote on 19 Jan 2025 16:40:

Hi just curious did you even try to reach out to someone like r' eerie? if not why not? he's a great and beneficial partner, trust der alteh mirrer!!!!! he knows a thing or 2

It can take some time until they find an appropriate partner. Until then, it would be worthwhile to reach out to a mentor and to continue posting. It would be worthwhile to reach out to eerie, and Hashem Help Me at michelgelner@gmail.com who is the main mentor. They have helped many people and yo won't regret reaching out to them.

Many of us struggled for years before joining GYE and felt that we will never break free, myself included, but many of us have broken free and today we are free men. My situation is different than yours because I am married and separated but I can tell you that I didn't need an outlet to break free. In addition, as many married people can testify being married didn't make the challenges easier for them and more often than not it made them harder. You are lucky to have joined GYE as a bachur. By the time you are engaged you will hopefully already be clean and you will be able to enter marriage with the proper mindset.

The feeling that it is impossible to be without an outlet and that you must act out or else something is going to go wrong is a false perception that comes from the Yetzer Hora. Eventually, you will be able to figure out what need you are trying to fill by acting out and then you can go to the toolbox and find healthy ways to fill that need. It would help to figure out what the situations, thoughts and emotions are that precede a fall and then find tools in the toolbox that you can use to address those cues so that you don't fall. 

As you wrote, the F2F program and the book TBOTG are good for you. They will open up new horizons and help you reach your goals.

seekingkedusha1 wrote on 19 Jan 2025 16:40:

Welcome,
ow do you feel about picking up a phone and having a conversation with one of the chevra here. That's what most of us do. It may be daunting and uncomfortable, but after the first conversation it usually it is a tremendous relief, and we feel that we are not alone!