Hi guys,I was in SA for about a year. I recently took a break when I took in a new job and did some traveling. I had some time to reflect, and I realized that my time in SA was really intense and I experienced significant lows being in the program. I benefited a ton from the community aspect in terms of self-acceptance and honesty. However, the community itself, or at least the one I was in, produced a lot of shame and fear mongering. Everything became strictly about sobriety and how many days you had and it was pretty brutal to share at a meeting that your date had changed. I had a sponsor who would meet me with disappointment whenever I would have a fall. I did get longer streaks than I ever have achieved before, but I was also fairly miserable during them. I suffered a few episodes of severe depression and intense shame as I couldn't seem to fit into the SA model.
While I was traveling, I practiced a lot of self love. I worked with my mashpia to make a contract with myself to remind myself that I am a happy, responsible, and valuable person whenever I have a temporary down. Every Monday and Thursday night I farbreng with the contract for at least a half hour, and I also do a lot of journaling and gratitude.
I'm done traveling and working my temporary job, and I would like to start working a program again. I have serious reservations about returning to SA. I have tried doing the GYE courses on my own and I usually stop after a week or so when the inspiration runs out. I definitely need some accountability, and I want to also have that community feel. Maybe having a partner with to work the courses together would help...I would appreciate some advice on this matter.
Bracha v'hatzlacha

Welcome R' chicko, to the GYE family where warmth love and hope is top priority. 

How about reaching out in real life to the great guys here, you can start with the mentor in chief HHM at michelgelner@gmail.com, or any other mentor like EERIE at 1gimpelovitz@gmail.com, or MUTTEL at muttel15@gmail.com, or PROUDYUNGERMAN at proudyungerman@gmail.com, and the list goes on.

This is one step you'll forever be grateful to yourself for taking.

KOMT!!! With love Akiva

Hey, welcome!!! 
This is a great place, where you can make great friends that will be there for you! Stick around, read around, post, question, listen, and get in touch with some good guys, like Akiva above
And of course never forget to KEEP TRUCKING!

eerie wrote on 03 Dec 2024 00:43:

I think that's a little better...

Welcome to the warmest family in the world!

Here you will find true care, concern, and warmth.
Here you will learn that you CAN break free!
There are many tools here to help you in this fight.
There is the F2F Program, the Vaad Program, the book The Battle of the Generation - many have found this very helpful in reframing the struggle.
(Captain, I got the link! It's right here!)

There is also an extremely powerful tool of accountability, friends, and mentors, as has been mentioned, that has helped hundreds - myself included.
HHM - Hashem Help Me - is the mentor-in-chief around here. He's reachable at michelgelner@gmail.com.
Some of the other great guys here are Eerie - 1gimpelovitz@gmail.com, Muttel - muttel15@gmail.com, and iwannalivereal iwannalivereal@gmail.com Reb Akiva - mevakesh247@gmail.com. 

Looking forward to seeing great things from you!
And don't forget, as always, KOMT!!

Welcome!!
You came to the best possible place here. You will not feel any shame from anyone as the tzadikim here are the most understanding people you will ever meet (or not meet:grinning:)

Practically speaking,there is not much for me to add to what the others mentioned. Reaching out to people is the best way to go!
I would just point out that the 3 posts that responded before me to your post are from amazing people! I have spoken with all of them and gained so much from them! Reach out to any of them you will not regret it!!


Hope to hear from you again soon!!
We are rooting for your success!
Hatzlacha!