The yetzer hara will be satisfied with any amount of yirah that makes you feel badly about yourself.

The point is not to make light of the issurim. The point is to develop a mindset that will have the best opportunity for success.

If I may bring another Rav Pincus this time from Elul.

He says people think Elul is about being mechazeik ourselves and he says that's like pressing down the gas pedal when driving stick shift. You rev the engine but if you're still in first gear you're not really going faster. It's kind of related to your point where he says that Elul is about a personal relationship with HKBH I guess if you want a stronger Ahavas Hashem listening to the recording or reading his seforim is a good place to start.

However, my main point to I think echo vehkam is that sometimes a mindshift is needed in order to move forward. I highly highly recommend talking to some of the tzaddikim here like vehkam and talk through your questions. What's the worst that could happen?

Or at least have a seder of BOTG.