BH almost a week clean from p&m. Trying my best to celebrate every small victory while still living in the present and not getting overly confident. Positive attitude is key. 
In the past my abstinance often felt like white knuckling. I hope i am finally ready to take the journey wholeheartedly

mosh1achnow wrote on 09 Sep 2024 02:55:

Gevaldig!!!  Youre lucky that you have so much to be positive about. Almost  a week is a huge milestone when you are struggling!

KOT!

Amazing!!

May I ask what are your methods/tools you use. Also your main motivation for staying clean.

Sure, happy to share. 
I mentioned briefly in my post that i have tried to stop p&m many times in the past. However demoralizing it is to still be struggling 10 years after I have started, each time I try to stop I learn a little bit more about myself and my struggle. I don't know if I could pinpoint to you exactly what my method or motivations are, but I'll just let you know where I'm at right now and hopefully it will help. 

Im getting older now hopefully starting to date soon. Obviously, getting into the shidduchim parsha with this kind of issue still out of control is less than ideal. But this actually brought me to a realization that I am hoping will eventually lead me to long term recovery. Every time I tried to stop until now there were two things getting in the way: 1) I would celebrate too early, wistfully thinking I was done with this after one week if sobriety
2) I would fall into the abyss of self pity after every fall and iit would take me a long time before trying again.

This time aarond im trying to do this the smart way, living it one day at a time. I would love to just be done with it, but practically speaking, that kind of thinking will just mess me over. I take a small celebration after a win, and I push myself to get up after a fall, because all I can change is right now. 

I hope this was helpful