I'm already here for a while, but I never dared to post but I think it's good for me.
I'm a yeshiva bohur in beis midrash B"H , I learn, do my best to be matmid, to be honestly oved Hashem and get closer to His ratzon every day. But I also have to face big nisyonos on chmirat einaim and shmirat habrit every time I go home for Shabbos or ben Hazmanim. 
The source of the problem comes from my younger age, at the age of 11 (my parents were traditionalist) I had my own phone , and without knowing the consequence I discovered R"l internet and and all that comes along with it. And by the time I discovered several years later it was assur it has became a solid habit and I was doing my best to stop. But how a 14 year old boy can explain to his traditionalist parents that he doesn't want a smartphone anymore or to put a filter? I thought I had to get through it by myself, but evertime i was falling I was feeling so guilty and ashamed, like Hashem was upset R"L. The situation was really hard for me to endure, I didn't even knew that filters existed and all the people close to me wasn't able to understand my struggling. I was of course to ashamed to go and talk to a Rabbi. This situation ended when B"H I decided to go to yeshiva in Israel after high school, I discovered the taanug of the limud and the pleasure of living connected to Hashem by keeping his keddushah. I made a big teshuva B"H but when I came back for ben Hazemanim the fisrt time I wasn't enough prepared to face challenges since my family didn't evolved as much as me so when I come home there's still a big TV and unfiltered devices that were around. Unfortunately I fell and since then I am struggling every time I go Home to avoid these nisyonos and even if  i make mistakes to value my fighting every time i sad no. I am still working on that but i think i need so support if someone is also in this matsav of being in a less religious family and have any advice ?

Hi and thanks for your great first post!
Sounds like you're a very special Bachur, with a very pure Neshama.. and you're so lucky to be learning in Israel!

So first of all, there is absolutely no need to feel any guilt whatsoever or to be ashamed. You didn't choose your situation, Hashem gave you and all of us these challenges and He himself put you in your unique situation. You will iyH succeed in reaching total victory and davka through this struggle you will grow tremendously in your Avodas Hashem!!

Re your question - perhaps accountability to a partner could work? Like someone here on GYE who, every time you go home for a shabbos or Bein Hazmanim you get in touch and keep him updated... 

Keep up your great work and we're looking forward to hearing from you! 

חזק ואמץ
UpAndDown

bentorah24326 wrote on 31 Aug 2024 22:53:

You could use a good mentor. There are some good ones on Gye. Have you spoken with Michel 

Welcome to the most wonderful family in the world! I want to give you a huge hug!!! You are amazing in all that you have grown! 
My friend, there is much to learn here, so please stick around, read, share, ask, and most important, listen
One piece of advice for now
Many of the buys here find that it helps before they enter a compromised space that will challenge them, to reach out and share that with a trusted friend. Of course, to do that you'll have to make some friends here first, which is in itself the most powerful tool I know about in fighting this scourge. 

Feel free to reach out to my email, in the signature below


Keep trucking!

no i don't know who is it how can i speak to him?

Send him an email @ michelgelner@gmail.com