Welcome to the GYE family!
Wow, 4-5 years clean... what amazing self control! You really have great כוחות!
But every age & stage in life is a new experience of this Nisayon, as you said, eventually you got to the "real world" where you had some falls... so perhaps instead of trying to get back to the "old glory" you should focus on creating your new glory?
Either way, you've come to the right place.. make some friends and find the tools that work for you and iyH you'll be very successful..
Keep fighting and keep us posted...
Looking forward to hearing from you!
UpAndDown