Hey there @shelmealshlemazel! I just came across this thread. Your post is so full of honesty and emotions. I am so happy writing your thoughts helped you. Please remain with us and keep us posted about your journey.
Hatzlacha Raba!
SSSL's Story (Google Doc) [You will need to request permission, which I'm happy to give.] Holy In Jerusalem (My Thread)
Feel free to say hi or send some chizuk over @ stopsurvivingstartliving2024@gmail.com.
My google voice number got shut down, so I won't be able to receive or send messages from there.