I've been around for a little bit, figured i might as well post...

Throughout my years in yeshiva I've struggled with M. I had a fall a few times a year, not very often, but it was an issue nonetheless.

In yeshiva I didn't really have access to P, even when not in yeshiva I tried to stay away from computer use in general. Once as a 13 y/o my parents caught me searching something inappropriate and gave me the GYE handbook. I think I was too young for it then but at because of that I know about GYE... at any rate it was a one time thing and not a recurring issue, and it also wasn't anything "hardcore".

Recently though it has become more of an issue. I started acting out much more often (at least once every two weeks, sometimes more often) and also started finding more inappropriate content on the computer. I have an issue with excessive computer use in general, not necessarily bad things, and that definitely doesn't help...

I don't have an unfiltered device but 1. no filter is absolutely perfect (to the best of my knowledge), I've found a few loopholes on some very good filters, 2. I occasionally have access to unfiltered devices.

When a specific device became an issue for me I started telling a friend when and why I was using the computer, and afterwards I would send him a picture of my history. That worked for about 8 months but recently I've been going through a hard time and I fell, and once I broke the hachlata it is very hard to restart.

I'm going to camp soon, where I hope to be offline the whole time (hopefully a good detox), but until then I have access to said unfiltered computer. I hope I will make it clean until then, but it will be hard...

Thanks for reading

Wow! The courage it takes to write such a post! Amazing! Thank you so much for reaching out, you did yourself such a huge favor and for some reason, your post and especially your username give me a lot of chizuk.

I commend your parents for giving you that handbook, I think that makes them special and I commend you for being so vulnerable to a friend about your struggles.

You've come to the right place, dear brother. We are here for you, please don't hesitate to post any time, no post to small. Reach out to those you feel you can connect with,

Wishing you all the best,
Heeling,

Welcome! It's great you had the courage to share your story

It seems from your story that there's no way to filter the computer. Perhaps you could accept on yourself not to go on it until camp, and tell your friend about this commitment.

Also please check out this great ebook/book The Battle of The Generation. Very motivational and it uses only clean language so it's good for where you're holding. You can download it from the link below in my signature or buy on Amazon.
Hatzlocha! 

Thanks

My username was intended to be at least somewhat בלשון סגי נהור, although according to this maybe it can be taken at face value:
ולא כטעות העולם, שטועים להוכיח מנפילת המחשבה זרה מכלל שאין תפלתם כלום, שאילו התפלל כראוי ונכון לא היו נופלים לו מחשבות זרות. והאמת היה כדבריהם אם היתה נפש אחת לבדה היא המתפללת והיא המחשבת ומהרהרת המחשבות זרות. אבל באמת לאמיתו הן שתי נפשות הנלחמות זו עם זו במוחו של אדם, כל אחת חפצה ורצונה למשול בו ולהיות המוח ממולא ממנה לבדה. (תניא פכ"ח)

It did take some courage to discuss it with my friend, but as I mentioned I struggle in general with computer use, and that's sort of out in the open. So when I told him I have an issue with a computer I don't think it was an earth-shattering revelation. I didn't get into details. I also didn't tell him about my fall, I'll have to think about if and how to do that. Hopefully after the summer I will be able to make a better arrangement.

I'm going offline now for the summer so I won't be able to post anything, but IYH I'll be back after to share how it went.

For me personally if I have an unfiltered device im watching automatically. Maybe not that day or the next but definitely will happen. The only thing that works for me (and prob lots of others) is to go to tag and figure out the best filters.They have good filters to offer  

shimmys wrote on 30 Jun 2024 03:48:

For basically all of mankind