Muttel wrote on 18 Jun 2024 01:42:

Security just sent out an urgent bulletin that there's a suspicious guy walking around with a bag on his head, banging into walls...

KOMT!!!!!!! 

chaimoigen wrote on 18 Jun 2024 02:30:

Muttel wrote on 18 Jun 2024 01:03:

No words. מי כעמך ישראל.

My relative/talmid gave me this rap below that details some pain that came at the hand of his Rebbi. The raw pain inherent in this really hit home with me…… 


I tried to get along with you, but you said something's wrong with you, It hurt but I stayed strong all through, and now I write this song for you.

I was holding on, scared that if you're gone, I can't be moving on, but now I know I'm wrong.

I thought you'd help me grow, it was just going slow, but until the final blow, I didn't know, that I stayed at status quo, cuz you were stepping on my toe, you kept me down below, you didn't let me go, while sitting on your throne, felt threatened l suppose, I am not a threat though, you have shown how low a man can go, now I know, you're not my friend you're a foe.

It took a lot of time, but now that I rewind, I see I was being blind, I thought you were being kind, and I'm just the kind of guy, who doesn't mind, getting put on the line, for a crime that wasn't mine, if I got a dime, for every time you reclined, mined through your mind, trying to find, a reason to whine, I'd be richer than the whole world combined, you think your refined, but if I had to define, the meaning of a swine, I'd sign your name on the line.

Now I know the facts, my heart was made of glass, I was thrown into the trash, all my hopes were dashed, I wasn't begging for cash, or to live in the past, just to enjoy life with my class, without getting harassed by your wrath, but alas you felt not getting bashed is way too much to ask.

You just wanted to holler, screaming like a monster, didn't even bother, asking if I'm wrong first, I tried to respond sure, with hope to make you calmer, but your wrath only got hotter, didn't want an answer, just to add more to my roster, I followed like a toddler, but you somehow went and conjured, till I became the monster, how the hell are you a father.

They said he's screaming out of love, you're above everyone, although it's kinda tough, you just gotta trust, that's what he does, but that's not what it was, I know that because, I hope you love your son, why wasn't he the one, it's clearly because, nobody does, the stuff that was done, to me if they have love.

When I finally had enough, I asked you to be the judge, I thought you'd say good luck, you said to hush, first begged me not to budge, which turned into a nudge, I suddenly felt rushed, and then "you can't leave cuz you're chucked", I blushed, I was crushed, you stuffed me down and flushed, but didn't want to bear a grudge, so I asked to keep in touch, maybe as a crutch, even once a month, but you said that's way too much.

I know it happened for a purpose, all those years of hurting, I really don't like cursing, but it was even worse than, my addiction to bourbon, I drank my pain till it burned and, sent me to the surgeon, I sure hope it was worth it, cuz I still carry the burden, I know I wasn't perfect, but I still didn't deserve it, claim you did me a service, I got nothing though I earned it, but now the thought has surfaced, I finally have learned this, I wasn't asking too much I was asking the wrong person.

Ouch. That hurts to read. BH he has you there to listen. 

That is such a Gut Punch !  I literally needed to stop in middle of reading it

Quite a bit to report. 

i met yiftach for a talk of a lifetime. Funny that the one on the other side of the world is one of the first GYE members I meet. Heretofore, id spoken to him twice but felt closer than a brother…… the most amazing part of GYE, how we’re here for each other. 

such depth of feeling and emotion. Such ahavas/yiras shamayim radiating through! Such a pleasurable person to connect and open to, and such a miracle for GYE and the malachim therein!

Thank you Yiftach for taking the time for us to really share experiences and open to each other!
Muttel

An ode to our youth in pain as my emotions ran high at the Kosel 

TTTO: Chasal siddur pesach/ I was made way back in 1842

LOW
As I stood and caressed our holy Wall,
And poured out my soul for those we love, them all,
Father on High will you help them come back to you,
So they’ll feel the joy of living like a Jew.

HIGH
Much pain they’ve felt throughout the years,
A word of support they craved, or a tear,
To be held close and propped up, built up to thrive,
Instead they silently and painfully tried to survive.

HIGH
Scorned, forgotten, painfully ignored,
They feel as though they can’t possibly be deserving of reward,
Of our respect, love, and care that can encourage them to beam,
And allow once more their spark to shine and gleam. 

Muttel

Wishing you much happiness and success.  Great work!

To my dearest GYE brothers,

Time to go back to the airport, a place where my eyes ran amok so many hundreds of times. The way here was amazing and I daven to Hashem to help we watch my eyes the way back too. Bh this trip was super amazing shemiras einayim wise (other ways too as delineated above) and I hope and pray the way back will be equally successful. I post here in the hope that this helps me stay in control…..

Todah lachem!

Muttel

Rock on buddy. You got this!!!!!

amevakesh wrote on 19 Jun 2024 19:10:

Thank you! 

R' Muttel. thank you for inspiring with yourwords and actions! Hatzlacha in the airport we are rooting for you! 
If you are wearing a bag over your head please make sure you go to the right gate and dont end up in hongkong.
That post before was painful... the power someone of authority holds, need to be so careful to use it correctly

When I was just in the airport, one of my best distractions was the GYE forum. Methinks it works better than a paper bag.

Muttel wrote on 19 Jun 2024 14:55:


Sweat glistens on his flushed face like morning dew,
His jacket slung casually over his shoulder,
A lone figure in a landscape of giants,
Yet, a giant in his own right,
He humbles himself before one less experienced and younger,
Bound by the same battles,
They share insights, forging a bond,
A true friendship blossoms,
They exchanged only brief words before,
But the deepest bond swiftly grew,
Sitting together for hours,
Like comrades in arms on the battlefield.

'Twas a wonderful hug!