Thank you!

I've never experienced a forum like this before, (the YH had me believing I was the only one struggling) and never had the opportunity to speak with other like-minded people about this inyan. It's been like a smooth balm on a wounded soul....

כשם שעזרתני לסיים ימים אלו, כן תעזרני לסיים עוד ועוד ימים עד שאוכל להתגרה בשטן ולנצחו, אמן!

I (still ) remain,
Muttel

Muttel wrote on 26 May 2024 13:44:

This is the biggest trick of the YH!.

He makes us all think that we are important enough for Hashem to create a Tayva exclusively for me! 

Wow Muttel! So new, and already such an impact! What a pickup for GYE to have you here with us. One day, in the (not so distant) future you will be a mentor to many. The way you approach this נסיון and your commitment to put it behind you once and for all is a lesson for so many of us. There may be days of withdrawal symptoms in the future, but you're gonna overcome them. You're in this for the long haul. Hold on to the feeling of freedom, taste its sweetness, and let that carry you through the rest of your life.

amevakesh wrote on 26 May 2024 15:00:

Thank you for your very kind words. I can only say כן יהי רצון.
I hope that myself and all our GYE brothers should achieve the freedom to choose life over addiction, resistance over attraction, and hard work over inaction. 

Muttel

Muttel wrote on 26 May 2024 15:22:

​Print it and post it on the wall. Absolute fire!

I just want to share with the olam something I heard from HHM that I felt in an acute sensory way today. His basic point was that the YH looks to convince us that there is a buildup of tayva in a person and if I don't have a release, eventually it's just going to have to come out. That's a misconception and the attitude should be "one day at a time" - let me get past this urge and things will calm down.

I'm happy to report that with much undeserved help from Heaven, my storms and pressure buildups of the last couple of days have subsided (until the next one ) and I've gotten a feel of the veracity of HHM's statement.

Here's hoping that this will be mechazek one of us suffering from what I've been the last couple of days and give them a push to Keep on Trucking!!!!

We should all be zoche to shed the chains of lust, the bondage of pleasure being a must, and most of all, experience the joy of turning the YH to dust, Amen!

Muttel

Muttel wrote on 27 May 2024 01:15:

Powerful stuff. 
This misconception is related to another, equally insidious untruth. 
When in a state of lusting, whether it’s for a look, a whole session of P&M, or even to pressure your wife for sex or sexual acts that she doesn’t want, that are coming from lusting: There’s a feeling that to “give this up” is to “lose out”. Shutting off the browser when there’s more to see, or missing out on a (seemingly) fulfilling sexual experience is “to lose the opportunity forever”. And it FEELS like “giving up”and losing out on a thing that I need. 

But that’s a lie.
A guy won’t be diminished, lacking, or less satiated in the long-term. It’s not a “loss”. Even in the short term, once the initial “blueness” passes and the unsettled feeling of unrequited sexual desire dissipates (which can be difficult and painful), you are not left with any less. In fact, you aren’t spent, drained and diminished in all the ways that acting out impacts a guy. 

Even to “miss out” on an experience of positive relations with your wife, because for some reason she wasn’t in the mood (like, for example, she was reading a magazine Friday night arggh) , and then she goes and gets her period (dammit!) , still isn’t “missing out” in any way. Your relationship will be the same. The long term sexual satisfaction in your marriage probably won’t be impacted by the experience.

In fact, the only thing that you “lost” in such a situation was losing out on indulging yourself in the moment, and feeding the lie that when you “need” it you “must” have it. Yes, indeed. Losing that lie is a good thing! 

You remain on board this monstuh truck, baby!! 

Chaim Oigen

chaimoigen wrote on 27 May 2024 14:01:

Oy reb chaim, Thanks for sharing.. just what I needed to hear now..

chaimoigen wrote on 27 May 2024 14:01:

R' CO, thank you!!

Of course seeing your post reminded me that you gave over this very thought (mirroring HHM's idea) to me not 6 days ago!!! 

R' Chaim, I can always count on you for much needed chizuk and wisdom couched in an endearing laughable moment. You are what keeps me going in this never-ending battle; this oh so fulfilling climb up the steep, elevated peak of kedusha; quite apropos as we get ready to make the climb up Sinai.......

KOMT!! (thanks to chaimoigen for spelling this out on one of his posts so I actually know what it stands for. Though I may have posted it anyways, just to feel like a member of the family )

Muttel

Make sure to check out Gevura Shebiyesod’s Avatar to understand what Monstuh Trucking is. 

(And make sure to check out his thread, to learn, to laugh, to cry, to be inspired, to feel small, and to know how to keep pushing on and growing. While you’re at it! )

A Giten Tug Rabbi Muttel,

I just read thru this whole thread and i have no words! 
But ill still try.......

Your first post really turned me on and then scared the heck out of me. After 12 years you fell for 3 1/2 years? So there is no hope? 
I kept on reading, at the part where you wrote that you used the gift card for sex, i snapped out of my impure thoughts! I felt the guilt coming out of your words. Oi vy! I cant dont ever want to feel that. 

The more I kept on reading I realized that I was wrong, your 12 years of cleanliness didnt go down the tube, no, they are helping you. 
Your brain knows that its very possible to stay clean forever, you just need to wake up that part of your brain that got stuck behind the big porn garbage truck and is trying to navigate to get ahead of it. 

Regarding your question why you are feeling the desire to look so much strong now, that is a very common thing once you stop looing at porn and masturbating, I have a few theories why that is. You can chose whichever one you like. 

1. Your mind is craving that Dopamine fix you used to get when watching, and since its not getting it, the mind is trying to find alternatives how to get that fix, and since its more exciting when seeing an actual person the desire can be stronger. The way that I fight it is to talk back to my thoughts and say " This is so fake that its crazy! I know exactly what Women are like and while sex is very good and nice, the level that you are exciting me is wayyyyyyy over the top false, take it down a few hundred notches"....... Or I tell my mind "whats the point of this? I know already that I will NEVER masturbate so why would i look and make it so much harder for m e to fight? Thats just stupid". 

2. As long as you watch Porn, women on the street never come close to those actors, because they are real. Once you stop and you start to get used to reality, you can start seeing how beautiful actual people are. Its just a fact Hashem created beautiful people, doesn't have to do anything with you, sometimes i have to acknowledge it "wow she is beautiful" but it has nothing with me, she deserves better than having a strange man objectify her. I feel bad for them, thats makes them human and not a piece of meat. Imagine how your wife would feel if someone would be staring at her and thinking what you think.... you can ask her so as to make it more real. 

3. You went up a Madriega! Yes, the higher you go, your trials will become higher. That doesn't mean that they become more and more intense to the point of despair, quit the opposite, the holier we are, the sharper we feel impurity!
For example, when a homeless person steps into some feces lining the streets of Brooklyn, he won't recoil at all, maybe he'll wipe it off or maybe he wont. But when someone like us steps into that, we will jump up in shock and wipe for hours, I would throw out my shoes!  
Why? Because when you are clean, you get much more bothered by uncleanliness. So although you might say "But im actually more attracted to women the cleaner i am? yes, that's because they are actually beautiful but look deeper inside, you will hear your Neshama screaming "No! this is so not good for you! please stop! you are making me so dirty! I want to be clean" 

Keep on posting and keep on trucking! 

chaimoigen wrote on 27 May 2024 22:44:

Lol, I checked it out, pretty cool!
and his thread is beyond amazing, and yes a great way to feel small!

chancy wrote on 28 May 2024 20:10:

Thank you chancy for your words and ideas to address my question.

As far as falling after 12 years, I actually address your exclamation of “is there no hope?” in a post to chaimoigen towards the beginning of my thread (in a poem). While my 12 years of growing in all areas, Torah, kedusha, etc have immeasurably helped me remain hyper focused now and jump in to commitment, it’s clear to me that I had some roots remaining from my bochur porn watching days that I never burned out. Without going into detail, I can now point to several instances where I should’ve gotten the warning sign that all was NOT well in the Muttel Kedusha world…. I also let my vigilance down for a number of years thinking I’m done and it’s not a lifetime work….

so in short, the avoda here to work to change your insides, especially with the battle of the generation, and that will ensure your change will be permanent. Also, you’ll be sure to avoid complacency…..

thank you and KOMT!
Muttel

chancy wrote on 28 May 2024 20:10:

Thank you Chancy for the usual amazing pearls of wisdom! I highlighted one in particular which really spoke to me, something I’m personally discovering more and more as I move along on this journey.

I thought I’d only come to GYE for help with stopping the destructive behaviors of porn and masturbation. The other stuff, the shmiras ainayim etc, was not on my radar.

Yet slowly, organically, this is changing. Slowly coming to the realization that if I am not careful with my eyes, I will constantly be in a state of unhappiness and craving…

In the olden days, when I knew I‘d eventually masturbate to any image/video I chose, it at least made sense in a sick, warped kind of way, to look at stuff I shouldn’t be looking at.

Because this brought me relief, escape and dopamine/pleasure for a bit, and finally culminated in the ultimate release and dimyon of pleasure. So, the indulging on any kind of shmutz had purpose. And a horrid, sad, depressing, fleetingly pleasurable ending.

However, if one is no longer masturbating, why on earth would I choose to torture myself endlessly? Its silly and just not worth it.

This can sometimes be a very helpful strategy for staying out of trouble. It’s not a particularly religious cheshbon, it’s just basic common sense! Don’t do things that will torture yourself, just keep your nose out of where it doesn’t belong and you’ll be fine.

My man