Ch4. How to manage the ups and downs?

When falling from a lofty height, anger and frustration only add to the suffering. Downs are a normal part of the nature of human life. Guidance helps us maintain our footing until stability returns. Just as night precedes day, so does a fall always precede an ascent. Because of the darkness we see the light. In Koheles 3:1-8 Shlomo HaMelech lists 28 different times and each one, up and down, comes to bring out a person’s hidden capacities. Hashem does not send us a time that we do not have the tools to cope with. When it looks dark, look inward and discover your wellsprings of emunah and limitless potential.

Ch5. What if the yetzer hara seems too strong in a particular area and it feels like we can’t beat him?

The yetzer hara stands behind every challenge. That is his job. Sometimes we stumble in the same thing time and again. The natural response may be to feel depressed, but that is counterproductive. The yetzarim that a person has the most trouble dealing with are his most powerful G-d-given tools for developing his potential and achieving shleimus (Tzidkas HaTzaddik, siman 181). Hashem implanted this desire in you purposefully so that you can transform it into a force for good. The area in which a person’s yetzer hara is most aggressive is the one in which he has the potential to achieve the greatest purity (ibid, siman 49). Repentance from fear may encourage a person refrain from sin. Repentance from love turns our past sin into merits, because we took the yetzer hara’s weapon and fulfilled Hashem’s will.

The Steipler Gaon often commented that even if a person succumbs to the yetzer hara many times, whenever he does withstand it he brings upon himself and all supernatural worlds a great and holy light. He even restores holy sparks that fell to the sitra achra during creation of evil, to the realm of kedusha.

It would be disingenuous of me to try and connect with others and not be real myself.

Was dealing with some negative thoughts and down feelings this morning. Perhaps ironically, it relates to unmet expectations. I think even worse because I expected the expectation to be a bad idea (doh). Nothing out of the ordinary, and I am and will be fine - just need to process. Even though we heal from it, the pain and hurt are real.

Fighters get knocked down. Winners stand back up.

Heard a special vort for Lag BaOmer from the Zohar HaKadosh.
We have the song: Rabbi Akiva says, just like the mikveh purifies the tamei, so does Hashem purify Yisroel.
A mikveh has no limited capacity to purify tumah. As much as needed, it works perfectly every time.
Same thing with Yisrael. No matter how many times we need to be purified, we can always count on Hashem to be there for us.
I hope the oilam had a beautiful Lag BaOmer. Kol tov.

Wanted to share a dvar Torah I heard this morning.

There was a rich man offering a lot of money for someone to answer his question.

וְלֹא רָאִיתִי צָדִיק נֶעֶזָב
וְזָרְעוֹ מְבַקֵש לַחֶם

How can Dovid HaMelech say this – clearly there are tzadikim who’s children lack sustenance?!

A gadol answered him: What does נֶעֶזָב mean? That the tzadik and his children won’t be forsaken. It doesn’t guarantee that they will have bread – it guarantees that any lack of bread is hashgacha from Hashem. When we have bitachon, all our challenges are from Hashem and they serve His higher purpose. Only when we CV forsake our bitachon and think our suffering us just our bad fortune, then takeh Hashem can midah k’negen midah remove His hashgacha and then the suffering really is our own.

My righteous brothers we are here because we believe. Our challenges are part of Hashems plan, and He is always with us, no matter where we might be.

A gutten Shabbos to all!

That's a beautiful thought.

It's difficult to absorb and feel, but every fall is a plan from the RBS"O Once it's happened, we need to look back and say "it was orchestrated by Hashem - though we'll get punished for making a bad choice/decision - and I need to now go through the Teshuva process". The computer we viewed porn on could've lost internet connection, someone could've walked in, etc. 

Believe it or not, R' Chatzkel says this! (not the part about someone walking in before I turn porn on )

So, as long as we remain committed, then everything is בהשגחת השם, as gye365s says.

Thank you gye365s!

Muttel

You could give some people a drop of water and they'd still appreciate you. You could give other people an entire ocean and they'd still take you for granted.

Don't take yourself for granted! Hashem appreciates every drop!
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Editing this post to include a Shavuos dvar Torah I had previously posted

The Lubavitcher Rebbi says that the Jews were sleeping because they felt that was the best way to prepare spiritually, with their neshamos ascended. This was a misunderstanding. The Torah was given to make us spiritual beings, it is for us to refine our physical nature. Learning on Shavuos fixes the mistake by combining the spiritual and physical to prepare for Matan Torah.

I learned similarly in sefer haTanya. We don't exist to try and become pure Or Elokim, that is for the Malachim and Hashem would have no need to create Man additionally. Our purpose isn't to be light, it is to channel light and illuminate the darkness. The spiritual refining the physical and elevating it (the challenge the meraglim felt they could not handle).

It ended with some intended motivation that went something like this: We aren't meant to be Malachim. Our tachlis is that we are sometimes knee-deep in it and we are fighting to get out and clean ourselves off. We are bringing Kedusha into this world with every effort we make.

Last night there was a lot of buildup from my wife – details not important. As it were, exhaustion and a headache make quick work of good intentions and everything dissolved in about 5 minutes. I’d usually have a small black cloud hovering over me for a few hours the next morning . . . but not today. Those down feelings about what wasn’t have been replaced with appreciation for what was (and IYH will be at some point). I feel healing taking place, planting its seed deep in the roots of where I buried my (self-inflicted) pain, sorrow, and pity.

Thank you ChaimOigen, Heeling, and many others for sharing your growth in this area that is certainly helping me to develop a positive and proper mindset in this inyan.
Kol Tov.

gye365s wrote on 10 May 2024 00:24:

critical

massively important to know 

mamash - excellent point!! a real hasagah 

gye365s wrote on 31 May 2024 13:30:

1 billion percent - on the money.  you are on a roll 

BenHashemBH wrote on 17 Jun 2024 14:11:

ive also been there so many times.  its really rough.  the trick is to update time consciousness.  the following is the eitza from Rebbe Nachman - move past limited consciousness about 'how long" it's been and "how often I need it":  Take the pressure off the pedal and with time and communication you will find that frequency that you both agree on and feels good, IyH - like you said, the key is bitachon in Hashem's hasgacha - do we BELIEVE that Hashem designed the husband and a wife AS A COUPLE TO MUTUALLY WANT intimacy at a certain frequency?  With that bitachon, the frequency and the quality will be found and cherished, bez'H:

השם יתברך הוא למעלה מהזמן, כמובא. וזה הענין הוא באמת דבר נפלא ונעלם מאד, ואי אפשר להבין זאת בשכל אנושי.God is beyond time, as is brought. This matter is, in truth, very amazing and mysterious. It is impossible for the human mind to comprehend it.

אך דע, שעקר הזמן הוא רק מחמת שאין מבינים, דהינו מחמת ששכלנו קטן, כי כל מה שהשכל גדול ביותר, הזמן נקטן ונתבטל ביותר.But know! time essentially stems from nothing but our deficient comprehension—i.e., because our intellects are limited. For the greater the intellect, the more time contracts and is nullified.

כי בחלום, שאז השכל נסתלק, ואין לו רק כח המדמה, אזי ברבע שעה יכולים לעבר כל השבעים שנה, כאשר נדמה בחלום, שעובר והולך כמה וכמה זמנים בשעה מועטת מאד, ואחר־כך כשנתעוררים מהשנה, אזי רואים, שכל אלו הזמנים והשבעים שנה שעברו בחלום, הוא זמן מעט מאד באמת. וזה מחמת שאחר־כך בהקיץ אז חוזר השכל אליו, ואצל השכל כל אלו השבעים שנה שעברו בחלום הם רק רבע שעה אצלו, רק שבעים שנה ממש, הם שבעים שנה גם אצל השכל שלנו.This is why in dreams, since the intellect departs and one has only the power of imagination, it is then possible for a full seventy years to elapse in a quarter-hour. While dreaming, it seems that many seasons pass quickly, in an extremely short while. Then afterwards, when one awakes from sleeping, one sees that all these seasons and the seventy years which passed in the dream were, in reality, a very brief period. The reason for this is that, afterwards, while awake, the intellect returns to him. For the intellect, all these seventy years which passed in the dream are only a quarter-hour. Only an actual seventy years is seventy years for our intellect as well.

ובאמת בהשכל הגבוה למעלה משכלנו, גם מה שנחשב אצלנו לשבעים שנה ממש הוא גם־כן רק רבע שעה או פחות. כי כמו שאנו רואין שיכולין לעבר שבעים שנה בחלום, ובאמת אנו יודעין אחר־כך בשכל שלנו שהוא רק רבע שעה, כמו־כן ממש, מה שנחשב לפי שכלנו שבעים שנה ממש, הוא בשכל הגבוה למעלה יותר רק רבע שעה, רק שאין אנו מבינים זאת.In reality, to the intellect which is on a higher plane than ours, that which we consider to be an actual seventy years is also a quarter-hour or less. Just as we see that it is possible for seventy years to elapse in a dream, and afterwards our intellect knows that it was actually only a quarter-hour, so too, exactly, what our intellect considers to be an actual seventy years is, to a higher plane intellect, only a quarter-hour. It is just that we do not comprehend this.

כי גם בחלום אם היה אחד בא אצלו בשעת החלום והיה אומר לו, שכל זה שנדמה לו שעוברים ימים ושנים, שבאמת אינם כלום, והכל הוא רק רבע שעה – בודאי לא היה מאמין לו כלל, כי לפי הדמיון שבחלום נדמה לו שעוברים ימים ושנים ממש; כמו־כן ממש, אף־על־פי שאצלנו לפי שכלנו נדמה שזהו זמן של שבעים שנה, בשכל הגדול יותר הוא רק רבע שעה.For also in a dream, if someone would come to a person during the dream and tell him that all the days and years which seem to him to be passing are, in reality, nothing—the whole thing is only a quarter-hour—he surely would not believe him at all, since, according to the fantasy of the dream, it seems to him that actual days and years are passing. It is exactly the same thing; although to us, according to our intellect, it seems that this is a period of seventy years, to a higher intellect it is only a quarter-hour.

וכן למעלה מעלה, שבשכל שהוא גבוה עוד יותר למעלה, גם אותו הזמן שבשכל הגבוה משכלנו אינו נחשב שם, בשכל הגבוה עוד יותר, רק לזמן מעט ופחות מאד. וכן למעלה מעלה עד אשר יש שכל גבוה כל־כך, ששם כל הזמן כלו אינו נחשב כלל, כי מחמת גדל השכל מאד, כל הזמן אין ואפס לגמרי, כמו שאצלנו השבעים שנה שעוברים בחלום הם רק רבע שעה באמת כנ"ל, כמו־כן יש שכל למעלה משכל, עד שהזמן נתבטל לגמרי:So too, from level to level. To the intellect that is higher still, that time [which seems genuine] to the intellect [immediately] higher than ours, is reckoned as nothing to that higher intellect, only as a minutely brief period. And so on, higher and higher, up to that intellect which is so lofty that all time is of no consequence whatsoever. On account of the intellect being so very great, the entirety of time is utterly non-existent and naught. Just as for us the seventy years that pass in a dream are really only a quarter-hour, as mentioned above, likewise, there are ever higher levels of intellect, until time is nullified completely.

BenHashemBH wrote on 10 Jun 2024 12:30:

you are obviously a deep Yid and I'd love to connect with you.

Probably the deepest teaching I have found is in the name of the B'esht that the guf of Yisrael holds town and ties all the olamos together - Yisrael = in gematria yesh + yhi ohr; or - yes + av sag mah ban; or - yesh hashem bamakom hazeh also equal Israel.

Here is the actual quote:

הדגל מחנה אפרים, פרשת ואתחנן, וז׳ל:

 כשהקב"ה וב"ש ברא עולמו לא היה יכול העולם להיות קיים כי הכל חזר לשורשו לאין ב"ה עד שברא ישראל ונתקיים העולם והשם ישראל מורה ע"ז כי הר' היא החכמה והלמד הבינה והא' הדעת והי"ש שבישראל אותיות הנשארים הוא הישות של קיום העולם ונעשה יש מאין וזהו שם ישראל וזהו קיום העולמות שנעשה ישות מאין ולכן ישראל הם הקיום של כל העולמות והבריאה כי באם לאו היה הכל חוזר לקדמותו לאין והישות שבישראל הם מקיימין היש של כל העולמות ודווקא כשאיש הישראלי אין לו בו ישות רק כפי הצורך לקיום העולמו' לאפוקי אם יש בו יותר ח"ו ע"כ תוכן דבריו הנוראים ולהבין זה אין הפה יכול לדבר וכל הדברים יגיעים מפני עומק המושג וקוצר המשיג כי לפענ"ד כל התורה רומז בזה ובזה תבין כמה מאמרי זוהר ומאמר א' בפ' ויצא דף קנ"ד ע"ב ת"ח בגין יעקב אתקיים עלמא וא"ת בגיני' דאברהם כדאיתא בהבראם א"ת בהברא' אלא באברה' אלא בגיני' דיעקב אתקיים אברהם כדאיתא כה אמר ה' אל יעקב אשר פדה את אברהם כי אברהם הוא החכמה הנקרא יש מפני שהיה קרוב למאציל לא היה יכול להתקיים רק היה חוזר לשורשו לאין עד שבא יעקב הנקרא שמו ישראל ופדה את אברהם לשון התגלות כמו הפודה את הדבר המונח וממושכן או מיד בית האסורי' הוא מוציא ומגלה הדבר לחוץ כך יעקב גילה את אברהם החכמה והחסד הגדול להיות עולם ומלואן יש מאין כנ"ל שם ישראל מורה ע"ז דהיינו הר' היא החכמה כנ"ל ולכן ביד האומה הישראלית שיעשה להם ניסים ונפלאות עד אין חקר ועד אין מספר כי בשבילם ברא הבורא ב"ה את העול' והם המחזיקים את העולם הנקרא יש ובידם להחזיר היש לאין ולהוציא דבר חדש כמו חומר ביד היוצר להפך דבר מדבר ולהפוך מחומר ראשון לצורה אחרת מצור…וזהו להנחיל אוהבי יש … נמצא העולה מכל זה כי הישות של העולמות הוא הקטן והנמוך שבהם כי כולם רוחניים חיים ואעפ"כ הוא העיקר העמדה של כל העולמות והויה שבהם.

some points ive developed and want to share with others to help them, as helping others locks it in for you when you give over the eitza:

im learning also that life is often, basically, very uncomfortable.  a human being is supposed to be able to deal with that and just move through that - but with the internet, there is this very strong temptation to instantly soothe and numb one’s feelings - not just with schmutz but even just scrolling around.  one enormous massive bracha that the challenge has given me is getting rid of the smart phone and basically all of the internet except for work and chess and torah things which is such a cheirus to be able to focus on hashem and torah… forget the schmutz even just stam all of the endless distractions. I feel very sorry for people who are still using smart phones honestly.  ive been using this flip phone for like half a year now and it’s been perfect.  and the gen tech set up is perfect.  it was challenging to figure it all out.  im very happy. thank you for your continued support and time. 

If your son were facing your current predicament, what wisdom would you share?"I love you very much, and I don't want you to get hurt.I am right here to talk with you to help you feel calm.The feeling will definitely pass in a moment, and I am so proud of you every time you come to me to tell me that you are feeling this way.  We can also relate exactly this way to Hashem as our loving father who definitly doesn’t judge us.I would never judge you, just the opposite - i would be extremely proud of you and am extremely proud of you for coming right to me to explain that you are having this feeling.  Hashem feels exactly this way also. This feeling is the holiest feeling in the world, but the yetzer hara wants us to use it the wrong way - that's all. You are able to wait and then use it at the appropriate time in the right way - and learning this is literally the highest heights that a tzaddik can reach.  Learn this, and your Torah and dveikus to hashem will skyrocket to unimaginable heights.  But even if chas vshalom you sadly get trapped, you can always pick yourself right back up and keep going - never forget that either.  There is always a way, and there really is no yeiush in the world at all." 

i was just thinking how this inyan of guarding the eyes is the key to the ramchals system in mesilas yesharim - you can thread all the steps from guarding your eyes - its watchfulness bc its a basic mitzvah to guard the eyes - with clean eyes you have more alacrity to do more mitzvohs- Its cleanliness bc you have to be very careful to keep all the halchos of it- then you develop a more pure mind and are less selfish - it leads to prishus bc a person has way less internet access generally so they can be poresh from the world in the appropriate way- with purity and prishus they can be more of a chosid to go above and beyond in avodas hashem- more avodas hashem leads to more true anava…and then yiras chet - then just maybe intimacy can be holy as well.