Welcome to the GYE community. Chazal say לא הביישן למד, and there is nothing to be afraid of. Vulnerability and honesty are part of healing whereas isolation feeds the beast. Being open and vulnerable is a sign of greatness. Posting your story is very relieving and the warm responses you will probably receive will give you the courage and strength to continue fighting this battle. Whatever your story may be there are many people who share stories that are similar to yours. Read some threads and you will see that you are not alone. I suggest that you do the Flight to Freedom program and that you regularly read The Battle of the Generation. Many people on GYE are regularly reading the book. Here is the link to the e-book:
https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation Keep on posting and sharing, make friends and keep on monster trucking.
When you feel comfortable doing so I suggest that you reach out to the main mentor, Hashem Help Me at
michelgelner@gmail.com. He has helped many people including myself and I guarantee you that you won't regret it. Many people have also reached out to Eerie and Chaimoigen.