I have been sober for a very long time 

long story short my friend/partner shlepped me to for a few days outing to not a good place and I felt like something went into me I couldn’t resist and I fell badly 

I NEED HELP I CANT BELIEVE THIS HAPPENED 

notgivingup321 wrote on 15 Jan 2024 17:33:

Kudos for not staying stuck and reaching out for help. I guess you're a human being after all. Humans are prone to falling, especially when we are exposed to triggering situations. You have been sober for a very long time and you'll be able to be sober for a very long time going forward as well! 
If you view your lapse as a mistake and as a product of external triggers, rather than as a personal failure, research shows that you will have a much better chance of return to abstinence quickly. Your lapse becomes a tool to move forward and to strengthen your motivation to change, your identification of triggers and urge-controlling techniques, your rational coping skills, and the lifestyle changes needed to lead a more balanced life.

Thanks so much for your support it means a lot to me in this time 

Welcome to joining the GYE community today. You were in a not good place but that brought you to the best place. Keep on shteiging. Waiting to hear more from you.

yitzchokm wrote on 15 Jan 2024 19:20:

yup that’s true but it’s extremely painful when you’re sober for YEARS 
I fooled myself that this is not going to be a trigger 

notgivingup321 wrote on 15 Jan 2024 19:22:

If this is a one time fall don't get too overwhelmed. Realize your mistake, put strong safeguards in place so this doesn't happen again and continue shteiging.

I suggest that you say the viduy of Rabbeinu Yonah in Yesod Hateshuvah, which is a section in Shaarei Teshuva, and get up from your fall. Once you do viduy, charatah and kaballah the sin is gone. Although Rabbeinu Yonah writes that for a single time transgression a person should do a lot of charatah it seems that you have done enough of it already. I think the viduy should suffice.

It is also worth taking note of the words of the Shaarei Teshuva 1:6, ועתה בינה שמעה זאת, כי הוא עיקר גדול. אמת הדבר כי יש מן הצדיקים שנכשלים בחטא לפעמים, כענין שנאמר כי אדם אין צדיק בארץ אשר יעשה טוב ולא יחטא, אכן כובשים את יצרם מאת-פעם, ואם יפלו בחטא פעם אחת, לא ישנו לו, ונקוטו בפניהם, וחוזרים בתשובה. It seems like you caught yourself early enough and took swift action to properly fulfill this directive. Wishing you continued Hatzlacha.

yitzchokm wrote on 15 Jan 2024 19:57:

Thanks so much do you by any chance have a link of it?

I have a pdf file but I don't know how to attach it to a post.

yitzchokm wrote on 15 Jan 2024 20:41:

Nothing attached 

I don't know how to attach it. Add file on its own didn't work.

yitzchokm wrote on 15 Jan 2024 20:46:

Can you please email it to me 

notgivingup321@gmail.com

notgivingup321@gmail.com

Here is a link. https://www.hebrewbooks.org/pdfpager.aspx?req=52052&st=&pgnum=386

notgivingup321 wrote on 15 Jan 2024 17:33:

I was in similar situation 2 years back, falling after being clean for many years. At the time I didn't have the good sense to reach out to GYE and nip it in the bud, and that one fall created a domino effect of numerous subsequent falls, as the heter of R Huna ....כיון שעבר אדם עבירה ושנה בה kicked in. Until Hashem brought me here and I am finally able to see a beacon of light.
Thank Hashem that you are here NOW, and grab on to this opportunity to make this a one-time slip-up, with the right guidance from the Balei Nisayon here. It's possible! You can do it.
Do not let this get you down, rather let be a sign, that this battle is never over, and you must keep your guard up forever.
You are perfectly normal that you fell, and it takes true Gevura to reach out and get back up

0711 wrote on 15 Jan 2024 23:04:

Thanks so much for your words it really means a lot your encouragement as this is very painful 

notgivingup321 wrote on 15 Jan 2024 23:26:

Rabbeinu Yonah writes in Shaarei Teshuva 1:13 that the levels of Teshuva are based on the amount of pain felt but make sure you don't consider yourself a personal failure as that can be very dangerous. I suggest that you read chapter 10 and appendix A of the book "The Battle of the Generation". You can download an e-book at https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation

רק חזק ואמץ!!!