Hi everyone,
I had posted a few times, then haven't had a chance to really be active, but I wanted to give an overall picture and say why I'm here.
I'm in my early 30's-I came of age just as the internet was becoming somewhat accessible.
The first time someone showed me porn was at a not frum kid's house-it was actually on Shavuos, sadly. I didn't touch the computer or anything, just looked.
As I went through high school, I would definitely try to get my hands on porn whenever I could. Around 10th grade, I discovered masturbating and was hooked-I remember I once did it 4 times in one day! That was an anomaly, and more usual was once or twice a day.
After I graduated HS and went to Israel, I became more and more serious about trying to stop. And thus the pattern that I am still in began-I could go a while; weeks, maybe even a month or 2, but ultimately would always fall back into watching porn and masturbating.
I have been fighting this fight for years and very much want to quit.
I got married a few years ago and marriage has DEFINITELY helped. But I still fall every few weeks, and want to kick the habit once and for all. 
I'm hoping being part of this chevra can give me the source of strength that I need to TRULY be free of this terrible vice.
I notice it the most when I am tired, angry, and mostly when I'm BORED.
I don't smoke, drink, do drugs or anything of the sort-THIS is my vice when I want to escape.
BH I'm blessed with a great life, and very much want to be victorious in this battle.
I'm finding this site not to be super user friendly-for example, some people have told me to reach out to some of the big guns here, but I haven't been able to figure it out.
Anyway, looking forward to hearing from you, and getting the help I need to kick this thing out of my life PERMANENTLY!!
Thank you!!

boca19 wrote on 21 Dec 2023 19:40:

Welcome; very nice post.
There are various programs on the sight - Flight to Freedom is one of them. Fellows here will reach out to you to offer tips and suggestions. There are videos and audio that you can access as well. Keep us posted on your journey please.

Godspeed to you and all

@boca19
take a drink "lchaim"!
you're in the right place!
the best family in the world!   love, brotherhood, peace and compassion.
stick around here; there are incredible people here!

Welcome!! You can get in touch with people by 1) click on their username and then click on the little message icon on their page 2) click on private messages on the top of any page [its usually right under the thread title] 3) from the gye homepage click community which should give you options for the forum and chats. You can then chat with anyone online 4) many people have an email address in their signature. I hope that helps. Definitely get in touch with people, its a major game changer

Welcome.
Your determination is palpable and admirable!
To me, GYE means hope. So many folks have been able to make significant changes and break free - you can too!
There are great resources here, and great people.
Posting is good, and we all gain from it - please keep sharing.
We're better together!!!

Wishing you much Hazlacha on this journey,
Chaim

boca19 wrote on 21 Dec 2023 19:40:

Instead of kicking it out of your life, let's think how you can keep it in your life and channel it correctly. 

Whenever we see something that turns our hearts to these desires, we need to tell ourselves, "If this is truly so good and I desire it so much, how much more desirable it must be to connect with Hashem, for in Him lies all beauty, comfort, security, love and pleasure. (After all, if He didn't have it all within Him, could He have created it?) All of us have a "G-d hole" that we are trying to fill. Hashem gave us a deep subconscious need to seek Him out, for He is the source of all that we need. Our physical minds are simply messing up the signals of our soul's yearning. The beauty we see in this world is but a fleeting shadow of the real thing!

This struggle is the fertile soil that our “true” selves will grow out of. And through it, we learn how to give our hearts over to Hashem. And hopefully we will be able to look back one day and say that it was all worth it.  So in a deeper sense, this struggle is truly a gift from Hashem and a sign of His love for us - if we only use it correctly!

Welcome. It should be with loads of hatzlocha!

Welcome! 

I'm new here too! I reached out to a few people here over the last week that have their hands stretched out to help! (many have their email in their signature...).  

It's hard to open up... but you'll be blessing yourself afterwards! 

Hatzlacha on ur journey and welcome to the comfort zone of GYE!

- Yiftach'l