You have a lot of awareness of how you feel and act.
This is very good - as it is 50% of the way to keeping clean.

With your psychological make up, try to schedule the day and night in one hour blocks.

Have a plan for what you will do the next hour.

Literally, write it down.

That way you can limit or stop aimless internet use (as opposed to using a computer to research or complete some work or to study).

Instead schedule positive productive things such as: walking /exercise, / reading / learning / seeing friends / volunteering etc.

It's funny ColinColin, a few weeks ago my therapist sat me down and had me do basically that and plan my week.  It worked quite well!  The problem is just the planning itself, something I never quite mastered when my personality was developing.

So I think an update is in order...

I don't have a filter. (!)  The computer is "communal" and I was embarrassed to ask for permission to get one.  We have a visitor-prospective-housemate  who somehow opened pritzut (he said it was a mistake and I believe him for the moment, though nobody else here ever made a similar mistake) so I decided to ask permission for a filter.  ("I wanted one before but never found a compelling reason to actually ask")

...yeah, I know not having a filter is bad and that what he saw is on my head for not asking...so better do teshuva, if I can handle it

thinking practically here if it's not your device and you can't ask them for whatever reason to filter the device can you at least ask them to put a password on it so you don't have access? 

hm.  That makes sense, yes, but after talking it seems like they're open to adding a filter bs''d kein ayin hara

Great 

Not a lot to say, but it's been a week again No news on the filter but I'll keep pushing because one mistake is too many.  The other housemates also seem receptive.

I checked the news once for a silly reason...In retrospect I could've just asked someone else who's "in the know" but didn't.

Scheduled hitbodedut hasn't happened much but b''h G-d has kept me busy, which is good.  I'll get back to it, hopefully before Mashiach (but he shouldn't wait for me!!)

Wishing everyone success

*sigh*



Filter news...one of the people who share the computer is fiercely opposed to getting a filter, and questions my motives because "it's not something you struggle with, you're imposing on the rest of us, it'll block [things said person isn't willing to give up], people need to be their own filters/'guards', 'a filter won't help someone who's determined'"



Not sure what to say or do...I mentioned that we can probably whitelist stuff he wants access to and he didn't like that.

Ouch, ill keep you in mind when i Daven. Can you set it up that everyone has their own (password protected) profile on the computer? Then somehow filter yours while everyone else can decide for themselves

Techloq supports separate filter profiles for each windows user. (Additional fees may apply). You can make his user to be as unrestricted as possible. (Barring actual porn, etc...)

I'm worried having a private profile would make me feel like I have privacy.  Will talk it over more with people.

Opened what seemed like it would be an innocent news article today explaining the "October 86th" meme which was mentioned on a blog I read...yeah, I read two sentences and the two sentences were lashon hara.   Bs''d time to stop fooling myself.

Tov, counting what's happened as a fall, as my screen time jumped to hours a day without limit again.  (I at least kept to a bedtime...)

It started with a book of sudoku puzzles...and I decided I wanted more and more interesting puzzles...and had no trouble finding them online.

...maybe it's time to get back into gemara...

truthaintflashy wrote on 14 Jan 2024 18:34:

Gemara is always a good idea, take it easy, maybe start with 15-20 minutes twice a day etc. whatever works for you.

Hatzlacha!

So at long last, after hearing a shiur about the dangers of internet in person, I got the filter...I went with Techloq after the recommendation.  And guess what...I'm having technical problems setting up the second (more lenient) user...we'll see what happens.

Tochen of shiur: (1) nice old lady gets smartphone, a few months later is caught swiping around on Shabbat
(2) image of a terrorist in a cabinet, with the following instruction:  "Don't do anything to the family here unless they OPEN the cabinet"...is that acceptable to you?  Get him out of your house!
All the best

Good job buddy