First of all wow and a huge thanks for all support.
I am b"h again at a 3 day strike.
my last one was 10 and one before was 50.
Although I b"h have no thought of giving up, but it is very sad and I start to have real pity on myself.

I feel b"h somewhat back on track. I am clean for nine days. I will stay strongly committed to completing my 90-day challenge.

Beautiful! Good to see you back in action!!!
90 days meet crispy!!!

It's great to see that you are not giving up, you will get there (wherever the heck 'there' is)

Do you mind sharing with us what you are doing besides streak counting?

Nothing major. I try to pray for this every day, and when I have an urge I do urge surfing, which really helps me.Any ideas are welcome, I would really love to have a bigger tool box.

A bigger tool bow might be helpful but is not necessarily what you need.

How about focusing more on 'doing' good, productive and fulfilling things instead of being bored and fighting temptations? when one is being useful and productive he's focusing less on himself and therefore his own desires hit less often.

Hatzlacha!

Thanks!
B"H I have a full day of doing great things and b"h successfully making a living. and the best part is that I am B"H zocha to learn 4 hours a day which is my favorite part of the day. and i don't see this struggle being a result of emptiness.

Wow! Halevai g'zugt oif allemin.

The best tool that I have is to be aware of any negative emotions that come up over the day (Whether due to my wife, my job, my kids, my future etc there's plenty to go around). Then I call one of my good GYE chaverim and vent. YKW, Foolie, HHM, True-self, ASY, Eerie, ChaimO are a few of the people who are regularly kind enough to listen to my gripes - my fears, frustrations, anger, jealousy, feeling of worthlessness, loneliness etc.

Being able to do that has been an absolute game changer for me. I feel like I no longer have a demon stuck inside me trying to force me to fall.

Have you ever tried something like this?

You are making me so jealous! I imagine this helping really wonderful, but I can't even imagine myself doing this; opening up to a stranger feels impossible to me. I hope That One day I will be able to do it.Thank you @yitzchokm for your PM, it was a big chizuck, I have what to discuss about each of your points, but my writing and typing are not the best and it takes me time, plus I get lost in my emotions, so I need to have the technical+emotional space, and that is why I never write long posts even though  I have a lot to share.But I'll say something: the first thing you mentioned was exercise, which is so true; I made a cheshbon that I can not recall a fall that happened on the same day of a workout.Anyway, I have much more to say, but my chavrusa is already waiting, so thank you all for your support.All the best.

crispy wrote on 14 Jan 2024 19:47:

I hear ya. It is overwhelming - I started on the IM - most people don't mind slow-typers. Your writing is great though!!!

Would love to hear the more to say!

crispy wrote on 14 Jan 2024 19:47:

Totally get that! We arent raised to want to discuss these topics.... It may change your life, though. You must ask yourself, is it kdai to take a chance on going out of your comfort zonefor a strong possibility of a better life. It may help to start with emailing.

bright wrote on 15 Jan 2024 06:38:

Yes. email sounds so much better!
Any recommended email address?

michelgelner@gmail.com (HHM)
chaim.oigen@gmail.com
1gimpelovitz@gmail.com (Eerie)
vehkam7@gmail.com

30 days!!

I fell again after 38 days.
I do not feel anything like sadness etc
My feelings are numb.