Going good bh. Much easier once i got into ‘zman mode‘ not a walk in the park, but nothing to hard

ainshumyeiush wrote on 24 Oct 2023 04:56:

Second week is always easier. 

Dear ego,
 thank you for trying to help. Please stop. You dont know what we need to do, but you tell me that we can handle this alone. We cant. There are people that do know, but you tell me we dont need to reach out to them because we have the situation under control. Please stop. There's a time and place for you to help us, and this isn't it. 
thank you


on a totally unrelated note, you can call into vayimaen at 929-585-3982 to listen to the daily video

Alright guys, i need your help.
my ego/brain/yetzer hara keeps hyping me up. Telling me i have knowledge to fight this on my own. That i dont need the f2f program. That i dont need to ask for advice. That i dont need to get in touch with people if im not dealing with a urge or after a fall. That i have the right to give advice when ive only been clean for less than two weeks. Even as im writing this, its pumping me up "look im reaching out, that's an essential part of recovery. See, i know what im doing"
what do i do? I know that if i keep going on like this, i can only make it as far as i can on my own, and that's not too far.
should i learn musser? Just ignore it and do what i have to? Something else?
any advice appreciated. 

ainshumyeiush wrote on 25 Oct 2023 19:18:

Continue doin' what you think is right.

Hitting the 2 to 3 week stretch. This is when it gets rough for me. Had probably the hardest day since last fall. I might have fallen if not for reaching out to someone over here (his name rhymes with schoolie). I need to get over this roadblock once and for all. I cant be stuck in a cycle like this. I haven't made it past this point in a few years, as far as i can recall. 
i realize that i need to push through now. This is going to be rough.  

It helps to know that it's possible. You CAN do this, with Hashem's help. You are ALREADY doing it.
So many good folks here have been where you are and have achieved long-lasting growth and change. So there's hope and encouragement.
But, yeah. It's tough sometimes. Make day-sized, practical, thought out plans for the rough patch.

There may not be a "once and for all" , but that doesn't mean you won't get there. All-or-nothing thinking is not productive.You'll get there, you've got what it takes. Don't forget to ask Hashem for help.

I know white-knuckling is frowned upon but sometimes you gotta hold on and breathe deep. 
You got this. There is no despair. There is determination, and hope.

Eyes on the horizon, look to the sunrise, friend,

Chaim Oigen

Sometimes the yetzer hara doesn't even bother trying to hide. "nice work, you're putting in work, you have a plan. How about a new loophole? You think you can handle that?" 
previously i would've taken it as a sign that im destined to keep falling, but now im taking it as a opportunity. 
i cant say im excited but i can say that i dont feel that im losing out by getting rid of it. 
im posting here to be accountable to block it off. So please ask me about it later.

i got the loophole blocked, but now gye is also blocked on my phone for the time being. i dont have time right now to figure out how to block just the loophole and still let gye, but ill try to take care of it later

I need to write down some thoughts over here so i can clarify and solidify them. And so that i can come back and read them again when i need them.

at this point in life, there's no mashgiach coming to check what phone anybody has. So now many of my friends are ditching their dumb phones in favor of using their ‘bein hazmanim‘ smartphone full time. Or they have a smartphone that they keep in the dorm or at home that they use when they need. And there are real needs, Waze, email, banking etc. I assume that everything is fully filtered. This is the stage in life when we can start using technology responsibly so why not have it accessible, right? 

so why don't i get a smartphone? Of course i‘ll get it filtered and only have things that are essential on it. What could go wrong?

but i realize that im different. I have been exposed to porn and enjoyed it. I have developed a taste for social media. I enjoy the connection the internet has to offer. i cant go half way. If i have a device that's built for internet use, i will use it for internet. The more the phone has on it, the more loopholes there are. And i cant afford that. I know that just getting rid of technology is not my solution [and i don't think i can post on gye by pigeon mail] but i cant just walk around with a ticking time bomb in my pocket. 

so while i might be feeling left out, and i might be bored more often, and there are inconveniences, and there are times that i feel like someone who landed from the moon when i take out my phone in public, i must stay strong and stay with the dumb phone. Im past the stage where i think that the whole issue with  technology is that its "goyish" and must be avoided because of that. I learned the hard way that its lethal. 

Your ayin tova being dan l'kaf zchus all of your friends is commendable and appropriate - that is how we are supposed to view others. However we really don't know how many guys have the ability to truly stay clean given the nisayon as powerful as it is. So don't feel left out, feel proud.

In addition, even a basically filtered Smartphone still connects us to an entire world that contradicts our values. Apikorsus, leitzanus, lashon hara, and "basic" pritzus are the menu. You are not missing anything by being mavdil yourself from that world; you are gaining immensely.

Stay strong- you're doing the right thing
As someone who has a small business , used to have a smart phone & gave it up several years ago, I can say that very rarely are there needs for a smart phone. These are all just major conveniences. I have a separate Waze device for travel and I (insert horrified gasp here) actually have to go to the bank to do something as simple as deposit a check.

redfaced wrote on 02 Nov 2023 12:37:

To expand on the wise words of my friend (Can I change your username to Red Chief? -
Today the word "NEED" is used broadly.
As in "I need a vacation". "I need an iced latte". " I really need to watch something now to unwind" "I need music" etc etc. 
Does need mean something that I have a feeling of needing? Or is there a higher bar for something to be considered a necessity?  Obviously each person and situation is unique. But, sometimes, when people express a need, I feel like saying "I don't think that word means what you think it means!" [INCOTHEIVABLE!!]

So we each have to make judgement calls - what are our true needs and what are desires.
Inconvenience costs time, time costs money and life. So there is a feeling that things that save time and inconvenience are "needs". But if the overall cost to life is greater, can it truly be considered a need?
For me, I am trying to choose life. Trying to define my needs accordingly. Sometimes I mess up, but BH heading in a good direction. 
AYSHY- I think you are terrific. 

With great appreciation,
Chaim

ainshumyeiush wrote on 02 Nov 2023 05:01:

You are 100% correct!
Thats exactly what i tell people, there are some guys that can have a smartphone, (maybe) but not us. 
We who have been exposed and addicted and we wanna win this battle, we cant afford this. 
Life can be lived fully (i believe even fuller) without a smartphone. 
I got rid of mine and my wifes. we got the Qin F30 phone its a great cool looking phone that only has email, waze uber and thats it. 
If course it need to be filtered but its a great phone.
Now I have pity on people with SP, they are just not here, not present ever. Its mamesh a rachmunes most of their life will be spent looking at a screen....... its insane. 
Stay strong, you got this!

chaimoigen wrote on 02 Nov 2023 13:08:

If I can change your name to O'Henry