Cordnoy has made a lot of extremely thoughtful and thought provoking points.

I BH have not had to deal with this terribly dificult Nisayon personally, so I really don't have any business offering advice, but I know a number of individuals well who must travel regularly for business and they have shared with me their struggles. What has worked for them is setting up ground rules to avoid this michshol by utilizing tools such as Chavrusas, buddy systems, curfews and similar. These can and do help, somewhat. But the issue is that, this is analogous to being in a situation of Yichud, once a person is inside such a situation all can and often does unfortunately change.
Of course it helps to do whatever is possible to avoid being in such a situation, but that's often not practically possible... 
I think you should speak with Cordnoy. He has oceans of experience and wisdom [much more than I do, for sure, but that's not saying much]. There are others here with the experience to be able to give you proper guidance. From what I have seen, some of these Tzadikim have probably reached out to you already to offer their help. Speak to them - real people can give real help- that's a game-changer. And along with Hashem's help youcan get out of this!

My friend  is a difficult place to be. 
I think it is important to contact one of the moderators named Dov.

This is more than your marriage and parnassa . This is you’re own well being here. 

I don’t believe this is a simple as going to the ocean and throwing out the Yetzer Hora. 

Cams and the other stuff you mention are a lot of work.  I know people who’ve put in the work and able to grow 

Hatzlacha - Others have done it. You can do it. You will overcome this. 

I am somewhat of a newbie here and hesitate to give advice, but I see that your problem arises primarily when you are away from home and your wife. I suffer from a similar problem. When I work from home and/or my wife is away, the YH pulls me into porn and masturbation. I also feel like a totally different person. The YH comes in quickly and stealthily and takes over. 



Your issue is far more severe, and the chances of terrible things that could happen are significantly increased. If I could ask, How is your life at home these days? Are you and your wife still intimate, and are you also getting along with her outside the bedroom? In addition to going on this site and doing everything available here, I would suggest taking a closer look at your relationship with your wife and seeing where you could improve that. If you are in a loving and giving relationship and respect her, it would be another weapon to help fend off the YH.



I wish you nothing but the best, and coming on here is a significant step forward... You can do this...one day at a time.

Hi Holy Yoely
This is my first posting and this the first  time I am saying; I have been there and done that  but the done is not over. The cycle just repeats and repeats despite how far I think I have climbed and it can be instantaneous. I had a Shabbos where I was able to learn over six hours.; I was on a high. A few hours later I was on the street. I feel that sometimes I can identify what I call the point of no return, which to me means that "acting out" is a given and I feel I can't stop it. Can anyone identify with that feeling? Please let me know. (By the way over the years I have tried religious therapists to help me through the rough times and have been told countless times that I am not an addict and no need to join SA.)
As I am scrolling though and seeing other people's challenges, I feel that 99% of the participants are Boruch Hashem JUST struggling with thoughts and keyboard actions. I wish you all Hatzlacha in recognizing the issues at the Machshava stage and am mispallel that you will win the battle now. it is much  harder at a later stage. I am not belittling the Shemiras Aynaim challenge in any form. Each time I leave the house, it is a struggle. Just   to get to shul is sometimes as bad as a stroll on the boardwalk.
The Vayemaen videos are helpful and I try and tell myself what is passing me is blood and fat or the complete lack of tznius means there are two dogs waking past me but one is not on a leash. then I try and physically stop and ask Hashem ; look I turned my eyes away because You said so. A soldier in an army does what the platoon commander orders . I did it even though I really wanted to look. Now You please help me in the next 24 hours not to look, not to think and not to do what I know You don't want me doing. Not always is the answer  positive.
​Yoely we all are Holy. I just read a secularist comment accordingly,  by saying "G-d don't make no junk". He is on the mark but i am sure he has no understanding of what it really means.
I know the feeling of going into shul and looking around and say there are 60 people here and perusing them one by one and thinking him, that guy, that Bochur that..... he can't relate to even 5% of what I am going through. His nisyonos aren't anything compared to mine. Why can't I have it that way too? But that is wrong. I don't know what his nisyonos are and I don't want them. My syllabus here on this world is tailor made for me. If I veer from it and try and take a course made for someone else; not only will I probably fail but at the grading time at  120,  my transcript will show that I did not earn enough credits to graduate. 
​My friends, we all want to graduate and we need to study hard and put into practice the lessons we have learned. GYE helps to fill the void in both the course material and how to put it into practice. I am struggling as a newbie in taking further steps. Any chizuk is welcome. I apologize for the long discourse; but thank you for letting me post.

baalnisayon wrote on 05 Nov 2023 19:56:

Quite the wonderful first post!

There are people here who faced and overcame all levels of nisyonos. The tools are generally the same.

Best wishes
Vehkam

Welcome!

Please check out these great free resources:
1) The Battle of the Generation: a sensational free ebook that seriously gets you excited to fight and win this fight.
2) The Fight: an incredible audio series from Rabbi Shafier.

Links are below in my signature. Wishing you much success!