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Bi Bocher about to get married

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TOPIC: Bi Bocher about to get married 4713 Views

Re: Bi Bocher about to get married 07 Jun 2023 20:42 #397054

foolie
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This is besides for the fact that there are some poskim who have brought up the possibility that by not disclosing this fact, your kiddusin can be considered invalid on the grounds that it's a מקח טעות since the kallah does not know a crucial piece of information regarding the person she's marrying.

Terrific all you married guys who didn’t bury your wife in all your issues before you married her pack up and move out You heard it here first, your kiddushin is pasul and everything you’ve worked towards is for naught.

Carry on with your day please

I will give battle Sir- General George Meade (Army of the Potomac)
Nuts!- General Anthony McAuliffe (101st Airborne)
Lets Get Dangerous! - Darkwing Duck
You’ll need to raise the ante and negotiate- Rechnitzer Rejects
I'm fresh out of essential truths- Spock
Life is a hell of a thing to happen to a person - David Rossi

Re: Bi Bocher about to get married 07 Jun 2023 20:52 #397055

DeletedUser2326 OFFLINE Junior Boarder Posts: 24 Karma: -61	You can pretend that this is just one minor issue but we all know that this isn't a small or minor thing. This is a fundamental part of who this person is. The person who is marrying him should be able to make an informed decision about this. It is manipulative to keep it from her until after you are already married. You can delude yourself into thinking otherwise but it is wrong.

Re: Bi Bocher about to get married 07 Jun 2023 20:53 #397056

Zag xx OFFLINE Junior Boarder Posts: 27 Karma: 2	Foolie are you a posek. If not then great but thanks. REAL POSKIM whom I’ve spoken to have told me not to say anything. Again I want advice. I’m not asking for anyones perceived halochic statements. I’m sure there are lots of poskim who say lots of things. I’ll follow mine. EVERYONE has issues in their lives. U don’t know the exact stage I’m at. I wish you all a lot of hatzlocha

Re: Bi Bocher about to get married 07 Jun 2023 20:56 #397057

DeletedUser2326
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Shmuel wrote on 07 Jun 2023 20:26:

Trying99 wrote on 07 Jun 2023 20:09:

If someone values his connection to his kallah he has to be fully honest with her. There is zero justification for keeping this information from someone who has every right to know this fact about the person they are marrying. I am actually really baffled by the responses here. Do you all think that women are just dumb pieces of property who don't have the right to make their own decisions about what they're getting into? Do you even hear yourselves?

This is besides for the fact that there are some poskim who have brought up the possibility that by not disclosing this fact, your kiddusin can be considered invalid on the grounds that it's a מקח טעות since the kallah does not know a crucial piece of information regarding the person she's marrying.

Zag, I can't imagine how scary this must feel right now but please do not hurt someone by following the advice of the people on this thread. There is no ethical justification for the withholding of such information from someone who is about to commit their entire life to you. Do the right thing and tell her.

I haven't seen anyone say to keep this secret from her forever. What I have seen is advice that such a disclosure should only be made after consulting his Rabbi and therapist who actually know him and NOT based on opinions on a secret forum...

I definitely wouldn't take a paskan on the validity of the kidushin base on the very little information provided here.

The information provided here is very simple and straightforward: Zag is telling us that he is attracted to men and has had sexual relationships with other men. He is asking for advice. Anyone who is intellectually honest and not afraid to accept difficult truths knows that the right thing to do, the correct advice, is to provide the person he is about to marry, important relevant information about himself. She needs this information because she has the right to know these important facts about the person she's about to commit the rest of her life to.

Re: Bi Bocher about to get married 07 Jun 2023 21:01 #397059

Zag xx OFFLINE Junior Boarder Posts: 27 Karma: 2	I am also thank G-D attracted to my Kalla.

Re: Bi Bocher about to get married 07 Jun 2023 21:06 #397062

foolie Current streak: 4 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 483 Karma: 32	Foolie are you a posek. I understand sarcasm and cynicism is hard to get from a block of text, but try parsing what is being said before you get offended
	I will give battle Sir- General George Meade (Army of the Potomac) Nuts!- General Anthony McAuliffe (101st Airborne) Lets Get Dangerous! - Darkwing Duck You’ll need to raise the ante and negotiate- Rechnitzer Rejects I'm fresh out of essential truths- Spock Life is a hell of a thing to happen to a person - David Rossi

Re: Bi Bocher about to get married 07 Jun 2023 21:14 #397064

Zag xx OFFLINE Junior Boarder Posts: 27 Karma: 2	I’m not offended. I’m asking u a serious question. I want practical advice not someone whose not a posek to tell me halocha. However although I’m not offended I won’t pretend not be hurt by your comment. I’m in a real struggle right now. I do want sensitivity.

Re: Bi Bocher about to get married 07 Jun 2023 21:15 #397065

foolie
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Zag xx wrote on 07 Jun 2023 21:14:

I’m not offended. I’m asking u a serious question. I want practical advice not someone who’s not a posek to tell me halocha. However although I’m not offended I won’t pretend not be hurt by your comment. I’m in a real struggle right now. I do want sensitivity.

Since my comment wasn’t directed at you there is no reason for you to be hurt or offended I’m on your side of this issue

Re: Bi Bocher about to get married 07 Jun 2023 21:19 #397067

Zag xx OFFLINE Junior Boarder Posts: 27 Karma: 2	But it was directed at me. U are saying that I should tell MY Kalla. Again to reiterate I respect your opinion and my rabbayim told me not to.

Re: Bi Bocher about to get married 07 Jun 2023 21:22 #397068

foolie Current streak: 4 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 483 Karma: 32	It was directed at the gentleman telling you to tell her. I promise you if I followed his advice we wouldn’t be having this conversation because I wouldn’t be around to have it with you as it’s kind of hard to type when you’re buried six feet under
	I will give battle Sir- General George Meade (Army of the Potomac) Nuts!- General Anthony McAuliffe (101st Airborne) Lets Get Dangerous! - Darkwing Duck You’ll need to raise the ante and negotiate- Rechnitzer Rejects I'm fresh out of essential truths- Spock Life is a hell of a thing to happen to a person - David Rossi

Re: Bi Bocher about to get married 07 Jun 2023 21:23 #397069

shmuel Current streak: 578 days OFFLINE Platinum Boarder Posts: 342 Karma: 14	Zag xx wrote on 07 Jun 2023 21:19: But it was directed at me. U are saying that I should tell MY Kalla. Again to reiterate I respect your opinion and my rabbayim told me not to. Foolie was replying to Triyig who paskend that kidushin is not chal. So he was adding that if that were so then most of us here which have secrets are not really married

Re: Bi Bocher about to get married 07 Jun 2023 21:24 #397070

Zag xx OFFLINE Junior Boarder Posts: 27 Karma: 2	Yeah I get that. That would probably put me there at the stage I’m in right now

Re: Bi Bocher about to get married 07 Jun 2023 21:25 #397071

Zag xx OFFLINE Junior Boarder Posts: 27 Karma: 2	I’m sorry if I got confused. Please daven for me. Thank you all

Re: Bi Bocher about to get married 07 Jun 2023 21:32 #397072

Zag xx OFFLINE Junior Boarder Posts: 27 Karma: 2	Sorry foolie

Re: Bi Bocher about to get married 07 Jun 2023 21:34 #397073

willdoit Current streak: 24 days OFFLINE Gold Boarder Posts: 274 Karma: 12	Dear Zag xx, I am sorry for this struggle and in particularly the situation you are in now. Please do yourself a life saving favor, and stick to what your doing already - which is discussing with your mentor before taking any action. May Hashem guide you in the right direction! keep it up! your doing ur best!