Small update & request for advice:
I previously wrote that I've learnt that I need to get some news sites blocked.
Today I'm planning to send an email to my filter company to get them blocked beH.
I also want to ask them to make YouTube more safe (if possible), right I have a whitelist of things that are allowed, however I still have access to some inappropriate videos that are not really under the category of my whitelist, does anyone have experience with this? (I have tecloq)
Thanks In advance.

true_self wrote on 02 Jun 2023 12:25:

I use techloq as well. My YouTube is blocked with the option of requesting individual video's and its only granted if it is approved content. 

My dear friend, please forgive me, a little bluntness here. I have to ask you - are there specific videos on You Tube that you actually need? I mean need. [Not like "I need a cappuccino "]
For me, YouTube is a perfectly designed slippery slope, custom made for me by the S"M. There many productive videos, and I am INSATIABLY curious. There are millions of levels of grey, almost impossible to realize the subtle negative influence of something seemingly innocuous, and then there's the next one, only slightly more negative....  I try to avoid it like a infectious disease. Because for me it is.
Need is a strong word.  Inconvenience is a smaller price to pay than awful regret.
White lists usually work if there's a real need, but sometimes they don't.

Sorry - i was crying when I read your post the other night, so maybe I can write this. Please tell me if you think I stepped over the line.

I have Tecloq, YouTube is completely blocked and wont get unlocked even if requested.....(my wife did that without asking me....i guess she's right)

Many times when I use YouTube it's not really needed, However lately I took upon myself to stop, and when I do it's only with my wife, or someone else who I trust that I wont watch what I shouldn't with him.
b"H so far it worked well (except 2 nights ago when I watched inappropriate stuff).
However sometimes I do really need it, and if not me then my wife (we share one laptop).
Getting it totally blocked, and needing to request every single video, is too much of a hassle for my wife, and will cost her a lot of time.
I know that it's not ok, and I should really get it completely blocked, however I didn't yet gather the strength to do it (I hope to do it one day).
I know I should really get a different laptop for my wife, where she can have what she needs, but I dont have the money... (If it would be more important for me I would find the money...).
The good news is that I've already requested my filter to block all news channels/sites except one kosher one, and one that my wife uses. (I can't read that one since it's not a language I know)
Special thanks to all my friends that gave advice and are always here to help me, Reb Chaim, no worries you did not step over any line:) it the people like you (& HHM & Eerie) that will make me block YouTube entirely one day!
Keep on pushing me in the right direction!!!

True_self I LOVE your beautiful, honest, detailed, optimistic, cheerful posts!

Keep 'em coming!!

And keep moving up the ladder one step at a time! It's great watching you!

Have a great Shabbos!

For many guys, YouTube is the portal to the netherworld....

My friend, your post is gevaldig! Remember, it's one step at a time. The step of blocking news is a big step, and you should be very proud of yourself. And slowly you'll get to blocking youtube entirely, beH. Keep shteiging and keep sharing!

I also use techloq, I have all videos blocked, but if I need one, I can request it. They allow it either instantly or within a half a minute or two, usually.

Best is call them. They have great staff both in customer service and tech support.

Hatzlacha!!

Thanks everyone for all advice.
B"H I got more categories on YouTube blocked.

These are a few lessons I try to review, learnt from Rabbi Akiva:
1) It's never too late.
2) The effect might not yet be visible, but it happens slowly but surely, "אבנים שחקו המים".
3) "ואהבת לרעך (כי הוא) כמוך" We are in this together.
4) I owe it all to my wife, "שלי ושלכם, שלה הוא".

Shabbos night during davening when we recite the "לכה דודי" these word suddenly caught my attention like never before, they pierced into my heart:

מִקְדַּשׁ מֶלֶךְ עִיר מְלוּכָה, קוּמִי צְאִי מִתּוֹךְ הַהֲפֵכָה, רַב לָךְ שֶׁבֶת בְּעֵמֶק הַבָּכָא, וְהוּא יַחֲמוֹל עָלַיִךְ חֶמְלָה
...Rise and go forth from the ruins. Too long have you sat in the valley sorrow. And He will shower you with compassion. ...

הִתְנַעֲרִי מֵעָפָר קוּמִי, לִבְשִׁי בִּגְדֵי תִפְאַרְתֵּךְ עַמִּי, עַל יַד בֶּן יִשַׁי בֵּית הַלַּחְמִי, קָרְבָה אֶל נַפְשִׁי גְּאָלָהּ
Shake it all off, rise from the ashes. Wear the garments of the glory of My people... Draw close to my soul and redeem it.

הִתְעוֹרְרִי הִתְעוֹרְרִי, כִּי בָא אוֹרֵךְ קוּמִי אוֹרִי, עוּרִי עוּרִי שִׁיר דַּבֵּרִי, כְּבוֹד ה' עָלַיִךְ נִגְלָה
Wake up, wake up. For your light has come, rise and illuminate. Arise, arise, speak a song. The honor of God is revealed upon you.

לֹא תֵבֹשִׁי וְלֹא תִכָּלְמִי, מַה תִּשְׁתּוֹחֲחִי וּמַה תֶּהֱמִי, בָּךְ יֶחֱסוּ עֲנִיֵּי עַמִּי, וְנִבְנְתָה עִיר עַל תִּלָּהּ
Do not be ashamed nor confounded. Why should you be downtrodden and why should you be shocked?...

וְהָיוּ לִמְשִׁסָּה... יָשִׂישׂ עָלַיִךְ אֱלֹהָיִךְ, כִּמְשׂוֹשׂ חָתָן עַל כַּלָּה
... Your God will rejoice over you. Like a bridegroom rejoices over his bride.

בּוֹאִי כַלָּה בּוֹאִי כַלָּה בּוֹאִי כַלָּה
Come O bride. Come O bride.

I felt as though Hashem is standing over me and saying this to me.

הִתְנַעֲרִי מֵעָפָר קוּמִי
There's a Mashal from the Dubno Maggid to explain a Medrash that says this Possuk refers to a hen, shaking herself off of the soot that blackens her.
Says the Maggid, a white bird, blackened by dirt and soot - imagine how difficult to clean, By brush, by hand , by shmatteh - it's would take forever.
But if the bird would just give herself a strong "Shuckle" , and SHAKE off the grime, imagine how clean, how white.... Gevalt.

Hi
It looks like I didn't yet shake off from my fall entirely...
I'm writing this less than an hour after a fall.
Again YouTube was the cause, but this time it did not start with the news, rather I went on to YouTube to listen to something kosher and when I finished I started browsing inappropriate stuff and ended up masturbating & ejeculating, I also had a strong urge to go back to watching porn, but of course after ejeculating I lost intrest.
It takes tremendous courage from me to post this now, right before and after the fall I decided in my mind to keep this fall a secret, but soon after I gathered the strength to write it, because I know that if I wont than the accountability is gone.
There's still a long day ahead, and I can still accomplish many things, I wont let this fall dictate the rest of my day.

I must get YouTube blocked ASAP! (I want to create a whitelist today).

Hashem please help me get back up again,
let me feel your love once again.

P.S. Deep inside I feel in despair, I need some chizuk to make me feel that its my yetzer hara?

true_self wrote on 05 Jun 2023 11:24:

And not you chas veshalom?

One of the wonderful aspects of the twelve steps, white book, meetings, etc. is that I can walk in and say along with most of the other members, "I cannot overcome this myself; I require the assistance of God or others." Does that mean that I am bad and rotten to the core? No, my actions are and that's why I want to stop.

Also, to be continued, Godspeed 

P.S. Deep inside I feel in despair, I need some chizuk to make me feel that its my yetzer hara?
I feel the same way too sometimes, maybe its just me... We are in a constant tug a war between our neshama and our guf... It makes us feel so contradictory (see iggeres hamusar). Ain luch ben chorin elu mi sheosek batora why isnt one who learns and keeps the Torah restricted with all sorts of laws? The answer is that all those "free" people are slaves to their desires, only someone who is oisek batorah is free to choose and choose correctly. Th ewhole world is running blindly after their Taisvos not once asking "is this really what i want for myself", slaves to their impulsive whims that do nothing for them except bring them grief and pain. We here sometimes struggle with this but we have the tools yo become bnei chorin. Hatzlocha!