cordnoy wrote on 26 Jun 2023 13:58:

Who says that it just is ? Its there for a reason besides procreation. I have a hard time believing that anyone disagrees with that , just that in some instances in an unhealthy relationship things need to be done differently. But in a healthy relationship its certainly more than just a "is".

redfaced wrote on 26 Jun 2023 14:48:

Of course there is more of a reason besides procreation; I wasn't even discussin' that. My point was just that perhaps it doesn't need to be a means for love (as in a direct result); perhaps the couple should simply enjoy the sex. Is takin' a walk with the wife a means to love? No; it is somethin' that lovin' partners may do (and some unlovin' partners as well). When we make the sex into somethin' more than it is, it gets that much more complicated.

Someone wrote recently that Cordnoy writes thin's that at times border or surpass the extreme; this is probably true. Nobody needs to agree with me, and if you disagree, please say so. Am I always gentle? No, and I am sorry for that. I am pleased that I have been postin' much more the past week, and as far as I know, I didn't tick anyone off yet. I will continue to promote open conversation.

One final point. Yesterday, someone posted about some activities he has engaged in, and it seemed like some of the stuff were probably illegal and morally off the charts. He ended off, "Am I a monster?" Several people responded with welcomin' posts, as did I, and then I told him that he's probably a monster, or close to it. Perhaps there are some people who don't see the truth and that's sad, but for the people who do see the truth, please don't be bashful. Child molesters are monsters (and they and their victims can be helped - I don't know if the abuser can be cured, but he can be helped).

Godspeed to all

My dear friend, Emeser Mentch, there's a lot of truth in what Cordnoy is pointing out here. Yes, there are things that intimacy brings out in us, but there's also the simplicity of it that as people who are married and love each other this is one dimension of your relationship. One of the things you do to express your love.
Keep trucking, my holy friend! You are amazing that you stopped while you still could! Keep it up!

cordnoy wrote on 26 Jun 2023 15:28:

Cordnoy,
Your posts are always meaningful, thought provoking and engender productive conversation. [And since our first encounter, have not mentioned pajamas at all :)] Please keep postin', and thank you. 

I am not sure how your comments above fit with the lessons I am learning from your Mikva Night thread(s). I am still in the middle.  I don't think the concepts are a contradiction, but do think that clarification could be in order. Not sure if the conversation belongs here, or in the Baalei Battims forum.

Regarding the bad uncle who asked "Am I a monster?" (I can't find that thread anymore)-
I don't think labels help much, but I do think that honesty and practicality is called for.
The person himself needs to view himself as capable of being helped, and look on himself with compassion and hopefulness.
But as it relates to a victim that is being terribly hurt, there can be no tolerance for such behavior, it must be stopped by all means.
I don't think it's a stretch to say that Rav Amram pulled the fire alarm not only to save himself from the fire raging inside, but also to save the poor girls in the attic....

chaimoigen wrote on 27 Jun 2023 12:59:

Thanks Cords, Your opinion is always welcome, Though it sometimes gets me confused... maybe we need some glenlivet to make things clear, Please continue promoting open conversation, It looks like you became interested in posting once again .
I'm not sure why "The monster" fell into my thread  (I also couldn't find that thread and didnt read it).

I did not yet read the Mikvah night thread (I hope to read it soon), so I can't comment on that one.

Getting back to my first post; I was trying to say, That, The adult industry is conveying a message that Love is a instrument used to get Sex. While in fact it's the other way around, Sex is a way of expressing & strengthening the (already existing) Love.
Yeah it's only one dimension out of many other, existing in a loving relationship, but I don't think that it can be compared to taking a walk etc., Have You ever heard of a woman getting prepared 7 days, Going to mikvah.... before going out for a walk? The point is, that I believe that Sex is something more than anything else in the relationship, And that's why we have this whole preparations and breaks going on.
And I believe, (My wife agrees with this one) that Sex is "The most powerful tool" used to create oneness & connection between husband & wife, (When we focus on pleasing the other partner).

I'm not stating facts, nor do I have years of experience, but I'm just writing what I feel & believe (as of now), and I want to hear from other people who are older than me and have much more experience.

Thanks Eerie for giving me a jewish name 

Buying something small for My wife randomly when she does not expect it, Means much more to Her, than buying Her something grand on a special occasion.
Spending 1/2 extra hours of My time with her, is "עולה על כולם".
This shows Me that it's not the actual act itself, It's the meaning behind the act, That She appreciates.

true_self wrote on 27 Jun 2023 14:23:

You got it bro!!
Doing an extraordinary job!

Keep it up!

The Mitzva is “Onah”. The word translates as “designated time”. When this tool is used properly, as the Manufacturer intended, it’s the sweetest quality time imaginable. Clearly, it’s about building a relationship. Of course, building a relationship is done by deep meaningful acts and also small daily acts. Fun  acts and also serious acts. Intimacy can take different forms at different times and express itself differently for different people in differing kinds of relationships   And fun builds a relationship , too. As does giving, consideration , and a lot of other stuff! 

chaimoigen wrote on 27 Jun 2023 14:36:

You just reminded me that I wanted to write about the idea of "onah" but forgot.
Its called "עונה" = Her time, It's all about Her, It's about 'Giving' not 'Taking', "Loving is giving, and giving is love"

Thanks Chaim for always throwing in some torah concepts.

true_self wrote on 27 Jun 2023 14:13:

She is not preparin' seven days for sex.

cordnoy wrote on 27 Jun 2023 16:48:

Well, he did admit to not having read the Mikve Night thread... 

cordnoy wrote on 27 Jun 2023 16:48:

What for than?

true_self wrote on 27 Jun 2023 17:39:

Min hatorah, any niddah, even divorced or widowed observes yemei taharah and Mikvah.

cordnoy wrote on 27 Jun 2023 21:18:

Aren't there two tracks לטהרות, ולבעלה?

That is correct main difference is in derabanan. See Toras shlamim and Pleisi I think in 183:1 about the gemora referencing the Tumah correlating renewal for marriage.