chaimoigen wrote on 29 Jun 2023 16:46:

Indeed, we are

Since last Thursday:

Day 0
Day 1
Day 2
Day 0
Day 0
Day 1
Day 2
Day 3
Day 0
Day 0

I don't seem to be getting that far since I broke my 2-month streak.

Although I am doing better than before I started my streak.

Not sure what to do.

I'm very excited to start my early morning job. I might be able to start this week, or I might have to wait till Elul zman to start .

It should help me get back on the horse, but I dislike waiting for other things in order to stop masturbating, do I not have any CONTROL over myself?

I hate this.

Yitz, I was away for a while and I'm just catching up. My friend, these are the things that will make a huge difference to you. When you feel that you are productive, when you feel that you are accomplishing, that will make you feel good about yourself and give you the strength to keep trucking! And being productive is a positive thing in and of itself. Keep soaring! You are a warrior who inspires!

Yitz, can you explain your signature to me? And I really don't like that last line, but I really have no idea what this is supposed to mean. Please...

Eerie wrote on 05 Jul 2023 21:14:

Hi Eerie, thanks for the question.

Every hand's a winner
and every hand's a loser
This means that no matter what hand you are dealt (a poker reference, meaning whatever situation life brings you), it is your option to make it into a winning hand or a losing hand. This is what I used to believe.

And the best that you can hope for
is to die in your sleep
This means that the best result that you can wish for in this world is to have left it behind without even noticing you left it. This is what I belive presently.

I imagine that the writer was using irony by placing two lines of such opposing perspectives right next to each other, and is pointing out how we can sometimes move very rapidly between these two frames of mind. I can relate to that very strongly right now.

yitz23 wrote on 10 Jul 2023 15:03:

Yitz, this hurts to read.... I'm feeling along with you, for what it's worth.... 

Sharing ur story is inspiring me to

Yitz, my dear friend, I appreciate your words of explanation. And I appreciate your friendship even more. Please reach out for a hug, my friend. We care about you and looking forward to seeing you succeed

Day 5!

Furthest I've gotten since the Big Fall. I feel like I'm back in the game again.

I've started a 30-day challenge with HHM that includes no touching down there at all (which I did extensively on my last streak) and texting him every night.

I decided to look seriously into getting pills for my anxiety. It is against my worldview to medicate for something I can improve without using chemicals, but I think I will be so much happier without constant intrusive thoughts of self-criticism and comparison that come up especially when I'm learning or davening.

I'll keep you all posted about how the medication works and how/if affects my masturbation struggles.

yitz23 wrote on 16 Jul 2023 03:44:

Go for it brother . Knock this thing out of the park . 
YOU CAN DO IT!

Hey Yitz, it's so nice to see that you're back and k'nocking! Keep trucking...and share it with us!

Kaboom! You, my friend, are Back, Badder and Better than ever!!

I can't live without coffee. It's a med, caffeine is an addictive chemical, and I need it. As a tool.
If every hand is a winner and every hand is a loser, I am going to utilize every tool I have to hit that ball over the fence, over the stands of adoring fans, and into the parking lot (and damage a Tesla). 

You can too, brother. Rock on!

Yitz, I am humbled by your courage. Keep on with your good work. 

yitz23 wrote on 16 Jul 2023 03:44:


I used to have a lot of self-criticism and I used to compare myself to others. When I was failing in Yidishkeit I used to compare this with my previous success.

I learned over time that I can't compare myself to others as I have unique challenges that nobody else has. I also learned that I can't adequately judge my success against my challenges now versus what they were in the past. Sometimes I succeeded because my challenges were easy and sometimes I failed because everything was up against me. I realized that judging myself belongs to Hashem's domain and not mine. As the verse says "For a person sees with his eyes and Hashem sees to the heart". I realized that this is true even about myself.

I found that celebrating my achievements, as small as they may be, and not zooming in on my failures is what helps me grow. I realize that a great part of my achievements are because Hashem is grasping my hand and helping me succeed so I am humble and I have nothing to boast about. However, I also realize that Hashem dances with joy for every step that I take in the right direction so it is only fitting that I rejoice as well.

Loved every word, Reb YitzchokM!