Welcome, Guest
Welcome to our forum! Introduce yourself here (anonymously, of course) and get a warm welcome from the rest of the community!
Reply Topic
New Topic

TOPIC: Newcomer 3818 Views

Re: Newcomer 27 Feb 2023 21:44 #392767

  • vehkam
  • Current streak: 1076 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 1102
  • Karma: 234
Very sorry that you had that experience. It hurts. We care.
vehkam7@gmail.com

guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/375452-Work-in-progress

The Battle of the Generation by Hillel S. has been a huge help for me.  Message me to find out how you can receive a free copy.



some of the experiences I write about may make it easier to identify me.  This is ok.  I trust that if anyone discovers my identity they will keep it to themselves.  If you do realize that you  know me, I am completely comfortable and welcome you acknowledging me and my struggle in person.

Re: Newcomer 27 Feb 2023 21:52 #392768

  • Bennyh
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 507
  • Karma: 43
Yeshayahu 41:6 wrote on 27 Feb 2023 21:18:
Having a hard time today..
I learn with a 9th grader by night seder in a local yeshiva. I missed a week when my wife had a baby, she actually lost a lot of blood, had to get a transfusion and needed more recovery time. My kids were away for 3 weeks so i didnt miss then. Then i missed when i went to pick them up. I just missed last night because my 3 year old has strep and my wife wasnt feeling well either.
This morning the 9th grade rebbe gave me a tongue lashing. He said I come only 15% of the time! (that would mean less than once a week, can any of the math geniuses here confirm that?) I tried explaining what was going on and he cut me off saying if a guy has a baby he can miss one or two MAYBE three nights...
The boy i learn with has social issues and he was actually with a different yungerman at the beginning of the year and it was a complete disaster because he was trying to "change" him to make him "fit in". Then he was switched to me and after a few days he was much happier. Because i respected him and didnt try to change anything. He still had many issues with other guys. The rebbe told me a while ago that the kid said he wanted to kill everyone including the rebbe, but that if rabbi "Yeshayahu" was there he wouldnt do it! Did he express any respect or appreciation that i was the only one who knew how to "deal" with this kid (nothing to deal with, just a little respect)? nope. How about the times i came during the afternoon or on shabbos when i didnt have to and wasnt getting paid? no mention. He doesnt know how to manage this kid, so if i dont show up hes at a loss of what to do. When i DO show up, he forgets that either of us exist. When im not there, he suddenly remembers that he has a difficult kid on his hands.
I tried challenging him on the 15% thing, and he cut me off again saying "i dont want to be midakdek on the numbers". WHAT??? if i came 85% of the time and he said 83%, ok thats not being midakdek, but to say something so outlandishly false is just completely disrespectful and hurtful.
Im sorry for venting, I dont know what else to do..

Uh, "Rebbi" needs to take a chill. Sounds like a horrible experience! Is he your "boss"? Meaning, is he the one with the power to hire and fire the chavrusas? If not, then maybe you can just ignore him. If yes, then you need a long term strategy on how to deal with him... Do you have a relationship with the boy's father? Maybe have a conversation with him and have him speak to the Rebbi to back off from you...

Re: Newcomer 27 Feb 2023 21:57 #392769

Sorry that sounds very hurtful and unnapreciative. It's downright false to say that anything more than two three nights is unneccessary
when your wife has a baby. There are so many variables. It could be anywhere from days to months really.

It's also very easy to 'not be medakdek' on someone else's cheshbon. Like you called me out, and I have nothing to answer, so let's just
'not be medakdek' 

But this bochur is gaining from you. This bochur said that only your presence would calm him down. You were able to
understand what he needed. So that's definitely something to feel good about, regardless of whether the Rebbi
is able to appreciate it for whatever reason. 

Re: Newcomer 28 Feb 2023 00:11 #392781

  • eraygrand
  • Current streak: 581 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Expert Boarder
  • Posts: 95
  • Karma: 10
My wife of 30 years has no clue about this,  ironic to use icongnito on my cell phone to go on GYE

Re: Newcomer 28 Feb 2023 00:45 #392789

  • eerie
  • Current streak: 822 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 1569
Yeshayahu 41:6 wrote on 27 Feb 2023 21:18:
Having a hard time today..
I learn with a 9th grader by night seder in a local yeshiva. I missed a week when my wife had a baby, she actually lost a lot of blood, had to get a transfusion and needed more recovery time. My kids were away for 3 weeks so i didnt miss then. Then i missed when i went to pick them up. I just missed last night because my 3 year old has strep and my wife wasnt feeling well either.
This morning the 9th grade rebbe gave me a tongue lashing. He said I come only 15% of the time! (that would mean less than once a week, can any of the math geniuses here confirm that?) I tried explaining what was going on and he cut me off saying if a guy has a baby he can miss one or two MAYBE three nights...
The boy i learn with has social issues and he was actually with a different yungerman at the beginning of the year and it was a complete disaster because he was trying to "change" him to make him "fit in". Then he was switched to me and after a few days he was much happier. Because i respected him and didnt try to change anything. He still had many issues with other guys. The rebbe told me a while ago that the kid said he wanted to kill everyone including the rebbe, but that if rabbi "Yeshayahu" was there he wouldnt do it! Did he express any respect or appreciation that i was the only one who knew how to "deal" with this kid (nothing to deal with, just a little respect)? nope. How about the times i came during the afternoon or on shabbos when i didnt have to and wasnt getting paid? no mention. He doesnt know how to manage this kid, so if i dont show up hes at a loss of what to do. When i DO show up, he forgets that either of us exist. When im not there, he suddenly remembers that he has a difficult kid on his hands.
I tried challenging him on the 15% thing, and he cut me off again saying "i dont want to be midakdek on the numbers". WHAT??? if i came 85% of the time and he said 83%, ok thats not being midakdek, but to say something so outlandishly false is just completely disrespectful and hurtful.
Im sorry for venting, I dont know what else to do..

My friend, I'm so sorry for your pain. Between all the stresses of a new baby, the kids and wife not feeling well, to have to deal with a wrongfully angry rebbe, that's painful. Remember that you are right, you know like sometimes when we have pain for a few minutes it can feel like hours, and the rebbe can't handle this boy, and when he has to deal with him he feels like a failure. So from his pain he cried out. He's wrong, but remind yourself that this has nothing to do with you. Aderaba, his outburst shows what a good job you are doing, that your absence makes a huge difference. So just write it off as a man crying in pain, who's pain is not your fault. When  a person is in pain, they say silly things like don't nit-pick between 15 and 85 percent.
Unfortunately, we will meet up with angry people many times throughout our lives. We gotta remember that it's not us, it's them. It's painful, I know my friend. And part of the way to deal with the pain is realize, they don't mean you. We are here for you my friend, please share and vent all you want. We want to hear everything. And maybe you want to learn with one of my talmidim?
Feel free to say hi. My email is 1gimpelovitz@gmail.com
Last Edit: 28 Feb 2023 00:47 by eerie.

Re: Newcomer 28 Feb 2023 03:46 #392795

I really appreciate all the outpouring of support. I'll just put a GYE spin on it as well. As I've mentioned, stress is my main push towards doing the wrong things. I work on the computer for an organization (without being specific!!) and today my internet was down. So i had to go to a library, where i have previously "explored" on their open computers. I had my filtered laptop with me, but i still heard the library computers calling my name (somehow THEY know my REAL name!!). They tried reasoning with me, "look how you were so hurt today...come to us...we'll make you feel better...."
I stayed by my laptop. When I was done what i had to do, I strode past the computers without a glance and right out the door.
איש את רעהו יעזרו ולאחיו יאמר חזק!! (ישעיהו מא:ו)
Let's do this together!!
bradley613613@gmail.com

Re: Newcomer 28 Feb 2023 17:36 #392824

  • chancy
  • Current streak: 822 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 517
  • Karma: 22
Yeshyahu, You nailed it!
That feeling of just walking away from a unfilterd computer alone in the office and being able to say "CHUCK YOU" (Shumer...... Rush Limbaugh joke)
You do this a few times and you realize that nobody can MAKE do you anything that YOU dont want.

Re: Newcomer 28 Feb 2023 19:06 #392827

  • Bennyh
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 507
  • Karma: 43

I stayed by my laptop. When I was done what i had to do, I strode past the computers without a glance and right out the door.

BEAST!

Re: Newcomer 28 Feb 2023 20:11 #392831

  • jackthejew
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 358
  • Karma: 22
Yeshayahu 41:6 wrote on 27 Feb 2023 21:18:
Having a hard time today..
I learn with a 9th grader by night seder in a local yeshiva. I missed a week when my wife had a baby, she actually lost a lot of blood, had to get a transfusion and needed more recovery time. My kids were away for 3 weeks so i didnt miss then. Then i missed when i went to pick them up. I just missed last night because my 3 year old has strep and my wife wasnt feeling well either.
This morning the 9th grade rebbe gave me a tongue lashing. He said I come only 15% of the time! (that would mean less than once a week, can any of the math geniuses here confirm that?) I tried explaining what was going on and he cut me off saying if a guy has a baby he can miss one or two MAYBE three nights...
The boy i learn with has social issues and he was actually with a different yungerman at the beginning of the year and it was a complete disaster because he was trying to "change" him to make him "fit in". Then he was switched to me and after a few days he was much happier. Because i respected him and didnt try to change anything. He still had many issues with other guys. The rebbe told me a while ago that the kid said he wanted to kill everyone including the rebbe, but that if rabbi "Yeshayahu" was there he wouldnt do it! Did he express any respect or appreciation that i was the only one who knew how to "deal" with this kid (nothing to deal with, just a little respect)? nope. How about the times i came during the afternoon or on shabbos when i didnt have to and wasnt getting paid? no mention. He doesnt know how to manage this kid, so if i dont show up hes at a loss of what to do. When i DO show up, he forgets that either of us exist. When im not there, he suddenly remembers that he has a difficult kid on his hands.
I tried challenging him on the 15% thing, and he cut me off again saying "i dont want to be midakdek on the numbers". WHAT??? if i came 85% of the time and he said 83%, ok thats not being midakdek, but to say something so outlandishly false is just completely disrespectful and hurtful.
Im sorry for venting, I dont know what else to do..

Rebbe's problem. Might explain some of what the bochur is dealing with?... 
Off the forum for now.
My Thread (Not for inspiration, but for random bits and pieces of my journey, as well as the inspiring responses of others: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/375514-Enough-is-Enough
jackthejewgye@gmail.com
There are tips, tools, and techniques, but there are no shortcuts.

Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet! ~ Groucho Marx
Optimism is the madness of insisting that all is well when we are miserable.-Voltaire
You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today.- Abraham Lincoln
If you don't know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.- Yogi Berra
"I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information." ~ Calvin

Re: Newcomer 28 Feb 2023 22:31 #392839

chancy wrote on 28 Feb 2023 17:36:
Yeshyahu, You nailed it!
That feeling of just walking away from a unfilterd computer alone in the office and being able to say "CHUCK YOU" (Shumer...... Rush Limbaugh joke)
You do this a few times and you realize that nobody can MAKE do you anything that YOU dont want.

I was a fan of Rush Limbaugh myself, boy do i miss him...
איש את רעהו יעזרו ולאחיו יאמר חזק!! (ישעיהו מא:ו)
Let's do this together!!
bradley613613@gmail.com

Re: Newcomer 02 Mar 2023 04:52 #392898

2 milestones today:
1) 12 days clean
2) i got my first ticket!! 
איש את רעהו יעזרו ולאחיו יאמר חזק!! (ישעיהו מא:ו)
Let's do this together!!
bradley613613@gmail.com

Re: Newcomer 02 Mar 2023 05:15 #392899

Mazal tov on 12 days clean, many more!

Re: Newcomer 05 Mar 2023 23:50 #392987

Hi guys, it wasnt too long ago that I posted about getting beat over the head by the 9th grade. Today I was told by a different employer of mine that I messed up his work too!
Yeshayahu is feeling pretty worthless right now, and wants to go forget his troubles the same way he always did..
Am i just a human wrecking ball who messes up everything he comes in contact with??
איש את רעהו יעזרו ולאחיו יאמר חזק!! (ישעיהו מא:ו)
Let's do this together!!
bradley613613@gmail.com

Re: Newcomer 06 Mar 2023 00:07 #392989

  • doingtshuva
  • OFFLINE
  • Platinum Boarder
  • Posts: 1425
  • Karma: 42
No, not at all.
We sometimes make mistakes and we should learn from them.
That's life
 *  NO, It's not all or nothing, just every bit counts!
 *  I failed yesterday, and I might fail tomorrow. But just for today I'm going to give it a try.
 *  Being curios made me lust and get into trouble.
אָמַר רבי יוחנן: אֵבֶר קָטָן יֵשׁ לוֹ לָאָדָם, מַרְעִיבוֹ = שָׂבֵעַ, מַשְׂבִּיעוֹ = רָעֵב

Gye program + Handbook  -  Taphsik method  -  90 day chart  -  Ebooks  -  Shiurim  -  Rabbi Dr. Avraham Twerski  -  Recent topics on the Forum

Re: Newcomer 06 Mar 2023 01:07 #392992

  • eraygrand
  • Current streak: 581 days
  • OFFLINE
  • Expert Boarder
  • Posts: 95
  • Karma: 10
I will say that this particular fight that we're dealing with can create a sense of yiush that definitely carries over and affects your overall feeling of self worth.  I firmly believe that your ongoing success in this battle will help you to focus on your accomplishments. You yourself realized what you manged to accomplish with this 9th grader. Don't let what this rebbi said take that away. Know that you may be the one positive in this boy's life. 
Reply Topic
New Topic
GYE
Forum for Jewish Men
Introduce Yourself
Moderators: yechidah, skeptical, the.guard, kedusha, Dov, cordnoy, menachemgye, smartlakewood
Powered by Kunena
Time to create page: 0.64 seconds

Are you sure?

Yes