Oops! How do I delete a post? I shouldn't post...

true_self wrote on 30 Jan 2024 21:14:

That's a real possibility...
You know, my friend, you write more confidently since you joined SA. So far, I'd say it's from the best things you've done.
Oh, and if a text is not enough, you can call

eerie wrote on 30 Jan 2024 19:42:

I meant to mention, the feeling of being open and vulnerable, of showing your frailty to another human being, is not so geshmak. But boy is it worth it! I would have rather made believe I'm superman, and I don't need anybody to give me anything. It's humbling to realize your limitations. And thank you for the friends who help fill in those blanks!

Chevra, Keep trucking!!!

eerie wrote on 30 Jan 2024 19:42:

Oy! The last time I descended to perform a ritual in the Mikva for one of my friends it didn’t end well….

I’ll just send James this time…

Eerie, we are here for each other, Chaver.

Hi dear friends, grouchy or otherwise!
It's been a few weeks since I've been to GYE for real. (I actually has this thought that maybe Hashem was telling me that it's time to move on from GYE.) BH going through some major earthquakes in my life, each earthquake alone could kill a horse, but then again, I'm no horse. So, overwhelmed big time. And counting.
As I wrote in that grouch room, I'm still trying to decide whether to count it as a fall (the final psak will be by HHM, gotta make the time to call him, after I get my protective gear on). Details not necessary. Suffice it to say that a few weeks of not being on GYE lowered some guards, (although it was so weird, because just last week I was thinking "Wow, I don't even have a taavah for those things anymore-famous last words) and I, the totally not tech-savvy guy, figured out a way, by mistake, that allowed me to see things normally blocked by my filter. And I did.
BH, called techloq and got it all blocked. 
And I learned the hard way what I always knew:
Stick to your GYE friends. Stick to GYE. It is VERY needed.
I hope I haven't disappointed my friends here. I feel like I did. I'm embarrassed. And I should be! I don't need your chizuk. EDIT: thinking about it, I realize I really do need your chizuk . I'm really ok. I justalso need your friendship, the knowledge that we are all in this together. And whether I reset my counter or not, we will fly away, you and I together, to a place above the clouds, as we journey towards true freedom!
L'chaim
P.s.
Mny thanks to my true friend, Reb CO, for listening to me. (without bashing my head in. )

eerie wrote on 13 Mar 2024 18:26:

hi eerie, we need you!
looks like your going through a ספק ספיקא המתהפך משני צדדין
so do your self a favor and go לקולא on the fall.
love it!

eerie wrote on 13 Mar 2024 18:26:

And the GOAT FRIEND is back!!! 

יותר ממה שהעשיר נותן לעני, העני נותן לעשיר- us being the the עשיר and u the עני.

If it does count as a fall, helping others might be the best tikun; if you have the time to do so.

I missed you Reb Eerie, 
I was wondering where you went to. 

I will agree to stick to GYE. Its helped me until now and it still helps. 
Knowing that there are people with much bigger struggles then me and that i will disappoint some people if i fail makes it more important for me to stay away. I wanna be able to lecture others........ 

I really believe that we should all get together and become closer to each other, I believe in the power of friendship!

chancy wrote on 14 Mar 2024 17:10:

It's a shame that we can't all get together in real life in the open but I am sure it will happen in the days of Mashiach or after Techiyas Hameisim. After all, all our sins will be exposed to the public then, as will our merits. It will be a true celebration. Chazal say that everyone will be burned by the chupah of his friends but it is still worth it. Looking forward.

As usual our perfectionist chaver (that adjective describes many of us) went overboard. Not a shemetz of a fall at all. Is there what to fix? Of course, but a fall - no way. Sorry to disappoint you buddy.

LOL! Some disappointment.....
Thinking about it, and talking to some special friends here has made me change some conclusions. 
I had thought that Hashem was letting me know that it's time for me to move on from GYE
I had thought that I mamash don't have a taavah for these things anymore

Now I see it all as a test. Not being here, not shmoozing with the true friends I have made here lowered my guard. And thinking I was past all this trash just lowered it further. And all that set the stage
After the fact, the embarrassment I felt at posting the above is a very good thing. It will surely make me think thrice before I follow the YH next narishkeit

So, the takeaway is: 
STICK TO YOUR GYE FRIENDS!!!

I will admit that there were times that I doubted the trueness, the realness, of the friendships I made here. For all of you (including BennyH) that doubt it too, believe me, there ain't nothing truer than the friends I made here. To those that haven't yet made a friend here, please, please consider doing so. You will reap benefits way past what you can imagine

I really can't thank my friends here enough, both with the help they have given in this inyan, and listening to me about the earthquakes in my life in general. And even the friends that I didn't get to speak to yet, please know that even just seeing your number on caller ID really helped.

And HHM, I can't tell you enough how touched I was that you shared some personal things just to be mechazek me.

Dear friends, grouchy or not, like it or not, I'll beH be here. To stay.
P.s. I like the grouchy ones better-it gives me what to do

Earthquakes and distance, aloneness and fear-

    Confusion and angst doesn't help one stay clear

To try walking alone in such times is "no go"

   כִּ֣י אִם־יִפֹּ֔לוּ הָאֶחָ֖ד יָקִ֣ים אֶת־חֲבֵר֑וֹ, וְאִ֣יל֗וֹ הָֽאֶחָד֙ שֶׁיִּפּ֔וֹל וְאֵ֥ין שֵׁנִ֖י לַהֲקִימֽוֹ

Brothers, compatriots, fellow-sufferers - FRIENDS

   Together we'll travel to the very world's ends!

Hi there, friends and brothers, comrades who together soar, truck and cargo ship!
BH just reached a milestone, at least in my own eyes. This past Shabbos was 600 days, kein yirbu, please Hashem!!!!
Anyone who ever read any post of mine knows that I believe very strongly in the power of the friendships made here to help us crawl out of the YH's cesspool. It's definitely what got me until here, and what will beH hold me strong in the future as well. And to all those people who are vacillating, scary and wary, not sure if they really want to make friends here, I beg you, for your good, for your future, for your success, reach out!!! MAKE FRIENDS HERE!!!
I want to add one thing. I started doing something recently that helps me. When I know that I will entering a place that is compromised, that has its challenges, I text a friend before hand, letting him know that I will be somewhere challenging, and then afterwards I text that I made it through in one piece. It feels good to text a freind "I just passed by woman/sign/screen/display and I didn't look"
My dearest friends, we can utilize that feeling to help us keep going upward. It really works. If you can share your wins it will give you the push to keep winning!
Dearest friends, let's keep climbing, together!!!

As a friend who always talks about friends, I must tell you publicly (even though I said it privately) that you are simply the friend to have. You’re the friend I think a lot of people are looking for.

That smile can be heard over the phone and the same is true with your concern for my (I’m sure others too) well-being. Over the last week and a half, we spoke two times, I was in better spirits during the second conversation, and I was able to feel that pit in your stomach as I was talking to you last Monday. Your love and concern are felt through the phone lines with your advice and support doing wonders for my challenges.

Thank you very much and MAJOR mazel tov on the 600 clean days!