I personally make it a bit frumer in my language, makes it more spiritual for me.

hmmmm a REAL relationship.......
I always wonder if my relationship is just about sex.

Like when she's in Niddah I tend to pay less attention to her.
and also, when I know she's not in the mood, I tend to find other things to do other than going to sleep at same time.
Even kosher stuff. videos, read, or do extra learning.
makes me feel sometimes like its either we get in bed and have sex or there's no reason for me to talk to her at all....
as immature and self-centered as that sounds.

Boundary list!
thats brilliant!
Yeah!
TV is a big one.

I had a situation today: 
I went to buy glasses and the women working there was very attractive and also had no problem getting close to me.
I actually was enjoying it.
she also kept calling me "my love"! That added to the Dimyon that she is attracted to me
but its really just a hip thing to say. she said it to a 94 year old lady too. 
It was really hard, but I told her after a few mins that i can just browse myself. so she walked away. but it was still really hard to keep my eyes off her, I kept looking back at her.
When I eventually left I felt a drop of stickkyness in my underwear.

Icanbreakfree wrote on 10 Nov 2022 04:33:

I guess you didn’t get to have talk with Hhm yet… 

I can totally relate, I have 2 kids and had a hard time with p*** by both births. Btw this is my first post, what a great forum!

Icanbreakfree wrote on 10 Nov 2022 04:33:

I wouldn't call it immature. It depends on the relationship you have.
My wife accuses me all the time of wanting her just for sex...
Here's a self-centered question: How else does she add value to your life? If there are other ways, show appreciation.

I had a similar situation when getting my first pair of glasses... I was around 10 years old and didn't know what exactly was happening but I "liked" it and felt "yucky" at the same time. 

I guess it turns out haaving a cute untznius lady practically breathing in your face isn't such a good idea...

HershyM wrote on 11 Nov 2022 02:51:

Welcome!! Maybe open your own thread… looking forward to see it!

Dear hershy! What happened to your own thread?

And what you I can brake free! What’s up? Any updates ever reached out to Hhm? No pressure just asking…

well BH we had a baby girl!!!!
life got more busy and I didnt have as much of a chance to write or call HHM or anything.
I plan to call him soon though. 

Mazal Tov! You should have only nachas from her and your whole family! And may you realize all your goals in this area
HI there, BTW. I just started posting and when I read your post I got the creeps, I am also avreich/maggid shiur. Also started issues after high school...actually after marriage. I totally relate to your pain, was also through hard long times that couldn't be together (and fell then). Keep up the work! 119 days is absolutely amazing! One day I'll get there too....Chazak!

Thank you Eerie!
somehow it makes it easier to handle when we know someone else has/is going through the EXACT same Matzav!!

Icanbreakfree wrote on 28 Nov 2022 02:07:

mazel tov!!