And I fell again.... After approx 6-7 weeks
feel like a horrible human
Past shovivim made it thru lots of hardships and when things start to see light at end of tunnel I fall
Why, gd has been so good to me past few weeks
Why am I doing it
Always starts by saying that as long as I dont MB it's not a real cheat so start slowly looking around build up and then boom, big fall
Filter Won't help as I will always find another device to connect
What could help
I'm at a loss
So mad at myself
Feel that gd is mad at me now.
Sorry for writing so random just need to write my feelings.
So a new start means yetzer putting in new hardships to break me
Why start again?
Anyway to just erase what happened?
can't struggle like this anymore

First of all, you need to celebrate the days that you were clean. Hashem loves you no matter what. The bad feelings after a fall can be the yetzer hara digging in. The goal is to keep trying. Take a good hard look at what you should change and get back up and fight. That is what we are here for. This is your opportunity to show hashem that you will never give up.

Incredible 6-7 weeks that's all of shovavim, wow I am jealous of your accomplishment. I am not of many to speak or encourage, but I am sitting on the back seat at times to you, not being able to complete shovavim, this year had about 4 failures during these 6-7 weeks of shovavim. I may be a totally different person, I am in my low twenties, and not a weirdo lol. So what do you say. Wait. Let me just share this with you, I failed only once but I do see progressment from it, I like to share it because I feel as if it's unfair to keep it hidden to me when I see the gain. I posted a forum on it but here's the link of a book (in short, I finished like a third thru it with audio read and read alond, has helped me, here you go) easypeasymethod.org/easypeasy.pdf
​Take a glance if you'd like, may help you too! Hatzlacha

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Most fellows here started out with acting out frequently - ranging from multiple times a day to multiple times a week. To see someone keep 6-7 weeks clean means that instead of acting out hundreds of times a year, one is only acting out 8 to 10 times a year. I think that is an awesome accomplishment. How would you view the same change in one who used to speak lashon hara hundreds of times a year and successfully got it down to a handful or two? Celebrate your amazing accomplishment and move on.

6-7 weeks is amazing. I personally never got that far yet so I'm a bit jealous of you here that you can pull that off.
Either way, just cause you fell, it doesn't mean that you failed. The YH saw how big of an accomplishment you had of keeping clean for so long, and he's afraid to let you get back up again. Seriously. You have a shining diamond in your hands that you mined and polished for the last 6/7 weeks which is yours forever, and the YH is trying to take it away from you. Don't let him win!! This is an opportunity to show the YH that he's not in control. You can show him that even though you fell, you're gonna get right back up and CONTINUE fighting. This is not a failure! Falls are just a difficult but integral part of the process of growing. Every time that you fall and get back up you rise up to be stronger than you were before the fall. If you never fall, you can never fully vanquish the YH (I think). If you get up instead of staying down, you strengthen your resolve to stay clean for the future. By moving on, you're letting go of the grip that the YH had on you, and it's something which will bring you very far BE"H.
Looking forward to see you keep truckin!!

Canistop wrote on 23 Feb 2023 01:31:

The 6-7 weeks of clean living is a huge win. That is not gone at all. The fall is a moment in time. The 6-7 weeks is more 1-1/2 to almost 2 months!!!! Take the win…it’s a gallon jug of water. The fall? That’s a couple of spilled drops. The negative feelings are the yetzer hara trying to hook you deeper. Don’t fall for it. Get up! Smile! Think of the many days of success and KEEP GOING. We are here for you.

Canistop wrote on 23 Feb 2023 01:31:

Hey where are you at, Miss your updates, no matter the down, the next stage is to face the struggle by either sit in the problem and not get anywhere or to take this as an experience, see what you learnt from it, and move on foward. it could very well be your doing great now and not judging at all. I like to hear from you, don't forget GYE helps all of us by giving a form of communication for anytime you may want/need the chevrah here, wishing you Hatzlacha "canistop"!
Feel free to pm me if you want to get in touch All the best!!

Thanks all for the kind chizuk!
Bh I keep on moving, was bh only one fall instead of chain reaction, forgetting about it and saying that it never happened
2x45 is also 90, will get there iyh
trying not think and move on if you keep yourself busy it's much easier to resist the urge 
So when I keep busy I try not to think of the challenges and don't log on
Today I'm down a bit down, had crazy urges so trying to come on here instead of...

Canistop wrote on 06 Mar 2023 04:05:

Gishmak that you have a pulse, one string pulse is better than none, keep on trucking till a month then 2 then few bzh hatzlacha!!

Hey canistop, any updates on your progress, keep us posted! Looking forward to hear from you!!