Vehkam wrote on 11 Nov 2022 16:45:

See below.

Hi all
Just checking in, BH still clean and no major urges. The challenge I'm having now (other than growing complacent) is it's a really slow time at work and doesn't look like it will really pick until Jan. and we all know that boredom never leads to anything good....

On a side note, how come my clean streak days don't show up next to my name when I post?

yud909 wrote on 16 Nov 2022 18:58:

There is a place on the site (I think it is on the dashboard where it says “go to 90 day chart”), you can set the count to not show when you post on the forum. Maybe you accidentally hit that at some point. Go on the 90 day chart and see if you can adjust that so it shows.

It gave me the option to "not display" so don't think that was the issue. I toggled it back and forth but still no luck.
Whatever, not the biggest deal, just wondering more than anything. 

BH today is day 15 being clean, what a great feeling being able to go into Shabbos.
Other than a long streak I had from late Elul until after Sukkos, this has been about the longest I've been clean in a while. So really hope I can keep this going, aiming for 30 days (really aiming for the rest of my life but trying to take a few days at a time).

I will say, I get tremendous chizuk from reading the forums and seeing how so many other people go through the same struggles as myself. However one of the things that gets me down (maybe gives me chizuk at the same time) is following some ones journey and watching him go from 10 days to 15 days to 20 to 30 to 40 and then bam, a fall. It makes me wonder, is there really any hope for me long term? I'm not in any way discounting the 40 clean days someone has in between falls, but the goal (at least my goal) is to get over this and stop looking at porn, stop texting and meeting with women.
Anyways, I'm rambling, have a Good Shabbos all and keep up the good fight. 

yud909 wrote on 18 Nov 2022 18:23:

the yetzer hara wants you to think that you are stuck with this (and that there is no point in trying.) this could not be further from the truth!  Keep fighting and learning from any setbacks.  For most, the falls are part of the process and should be viewed as such.  It is much easier to fight this when views themselves as someone who does not do this stuff anymore and that any fall is a temporary slip.  If someone views themselves as still stuck in the mud and still trying to escape it can be much tougher.  Reading the Battle of the Generation or similar every day can help with that mindset change.

best wishes
vehkam

yud909 wrote on 18 Nov 2022 18:23:

Try to remember that a fall after 20, 30, or 40 days is not a failure and does not negate the clean days. They are still victories, each and every one! This is a process. It is the YH telling you that since other people got further than I did and still fell, there is no point to trying. And trying again and again. Don’t let the YH win. You are a winner and you can beat the YH at his own game. Good Shabbos!!

yud909 wrote on 18 Nov 2022 18:23:

I can only talk from my own experience, but I can certainly say that I am only am where I am because of all the "falls". Not only are falls not a contradiction to long term recovery, they can actually be used as a tool to completely get over all this and leave it behind...

Keep up the good work !! 

If someone climbs a mountain for 30 days and then falls into a ditch, he has two choices. The fool will roll down the hill to the bottom. The wise man will enjoy the view and fresh air as he bandages his wounds, and then will study how he fell in and forge ahead.....

Autobiography in Five Short Chapters
By Portia Nelson

I

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk
I fall in.
I am lost ... I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes me forever to find a way out.

II

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place
but, it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

III

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in ... it's a habit.
my eyes are open
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

IV

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

V

I walk down another street.

cordnoy wrote on 21 Nov 2022 19:06:

Hey, Cord, great post! Thanks for sharing it. 

just checking in with ya'll. Day 18 clean
BH
Thank You Hashem 

yud909 wrote on 21 Nov 2022 23:42:

@yud909…keep the good news coming!

yud909 wrote on 21 Nov 2022 23:42:

חי!!!