5
Thats how many times I was nichshol in April last year. Actually, 5 is the times I know about because I paid for it and there’s a record of it so it was probably more like 10 times. 
And here I am a year later and closing in on 180 days bezras Hashem. 

I recently read someone’s post about how he was nichshol for a few days straight and was living in this deep dark world and it brought back so many memories of me being in the same position. Such an incredible feeling to feel that I’m free of that and will iyh continue to steer clear. 
Thank you GYE community for being there and reading and commenting on my posts, it has been a tremendous source of chizuk. 

oh also, another week down with no movies or tv shows. I still haven’t committed to never watching again. I really want to finish a season of a good show I left in the middle of . But at least for now my commitment until Shavous is going strong. 

WOW

200 days 

I have no words 

Thank You HaShem 

yud909 wrote on 22 May 2023 00:29:

Role model.

Amazing.

200 battles of Normandy. That you won.

Keep updating!

Big Chizzuk. Really appreciate

My friend, you are from my first inspirations, and your still one! I have the lesson you taught me with many people here. Keep shteiging and keep us in the loop!

yud909 wrote on 22 May 2023 00:29:

Truly amazing beyond words.
I've been following your story since day one, and I just went through most of it again.
You're a massive inspiration, thank you!

Mazel Tov on 200 buddy. Beautiful. If you have not done so yet, please start helping others. So many broken fellows out there - grown men crying and lost. We need you (and many others).

I second HHM's words. Please have in mind those of us still left behind in the dust who can barely scrape by with a week straight of being clean. And in the next world, maybe wave to me from your spot in gan eden.

My dear friend Yeshayahu, I don't know exactly how they give out spots in Gan Eden, but this I know that they count how much effort people put in, how hard they work to change themselves, how they kill themselves to stay clean, and yes, they care about slips and we have to do teshuva for that, but for every moment that we withhold, for every drop f hard work, there's a very, very special spot up there
Keep trucking! 

This morning was day 215, however it has now turned in to day zero.

Oy

I cant say I didn't see this coming, over the last week the taivah has been building up and I was not proactive in fighting. 
I really hope this is a one time set back and I don't become discouraged after such a long clean streak. 

yud909 wrote on 06 Jun 2023 13:13:

It takes wonderful gevurah to come out and say it, especially right away- just to confront it and accept it- I have great respect. If I may say, coming back after a setback, not turning a lapse into a relapse, may be bigger than just adding days, because this shows how many layers of protection you have built, you are not ready to throw in the towel, you are ready to come back and do the work. 

Oy Reb Yud this is my first time meeting you, but I feel your pain deeply.

I can't imagine the disappointment and frustration you must be feeling right now.

Please believe me that the inspiration I got and the respect you've earned from my skimming your thread has not diminished even in the slightest from you fall, perhaps to the contrary.

Please don't lose the respect that you have for yourself. 215 days, thats freaking amazing!!!

PS If you have interest at some point, someone (I forgot who) recently posted to his thread this shiur from Rabbi Kalish about the proper way of relating to streaks. I enjoyed it (I always enjoy Rabbi Kalish). (You can skip the first 10 minutes without missing the point of what he's saying.)

Reb Yud -
You are a couragous Kadosh. Your 214 is a gleaming building for your Neshoma that hasn't been broken.  A "lapse, not a relapse", as richtig so wisely wrote. Climb back into your palace, and keep showing us how to grow. The Aibeshter doesn't want Malachim to sing to him. He's got enough of them, and still comes down to hear Kedusha from
קרוצי חומר מגולמי גוש
He want YOUR Shira, Mimamakim. 
Youre a tzadik. Vikam! 

My dear old friend, that's gevura. And it shows that you are fully in the game, you are not giving up any time soon. My friend, I owe you so much! I have shared your first post on my thread with so many people. And I'll paste it here
The lack of respect you have for yourself is not particular to being a mechanech. I'm considered (at least I think I am lol) one of the "chashuve" members of my Shul. I take my avodas Hashem very seriously and impart that to my wife and children. I also have serious issues that crop up from time to time (unlike you, I believe I am most definitely addicted) that I am working very hard to overcome. I believe those issues don't define me. Even though this past year was probably my worst year in a long time, I don't have a accurate cheshbon but I probably fell over 50 times. So I had over 300 days that I wasn't doing those things. That's who I am. I am an eved Hashem. I am a good father. I am a good husband. I am koveia ittim to Torah. I come to davening on time and daven from beginning to end without talking and looking at my phone. The list goes on and on. I refuse to not respect myself and define my self based on the minority of my time spent doing deplorable actions.​

My friend, you changed my perspective on myself drastically. And that's the way I see you, only so much more after 215 shining heilige beautiful days!
keep inspiring us, keep sharing with us, and I'll paste your last line now, only now it's me talking you:

would love to shmooze in person if your interested.

Keep trucking!