totally totally get the feeling
you are so not alone on this one..

yud909 wrote on 16 Mar 2023 12:36:

one of the healthiest things that i did to help break my bad habits was to commit to waking up the same time every day.  it takes away a lot of the uncertainty and helps get the day started on the right foot.  

Vehkam wrote on 16 Mar 2023 14:22:

Agreed and I usually do, but today my chavrusa cancelled… and I was exhausted and not in the mood… but BH I’ve been out of bed for a while now and back in the swing of things. 
Was definitely helpful to have a forum to post my feelings to at the time. 
Thank you all for continued reading and support. 

yud909 wrote on 16 Mar 2023 12:36:

I have been finding getting out of bed so hard the past few days. And then I remembered, my friends, we are only human! This past Motzai Shabbos we changed the clock, and it takes a while for the body to get used to the new clock. If you wake up every day at 6. your body still thinks it's 5 o'clock. So give yourself a break! Yes, do what you can to wake up at the time you usually do. But don't beat yourself up, and don't get worried that you are tired.

143 days BH going strong.
The last week was extremely busy so haven’t had time to spend on the yetzer hara which is great. But at the same time I feel that being busy and just going with the flow and not having the self awareness of being on guard is always a dangerous path. I believe that at this point in my journey, my brain is rewired to an extent and my go to reaction for a trigger is not what it used to be. However I am also very aware that it can be lost and I can end up doing all the terrible things again in an instant. I’m rambling and not necessarily being so coherent but basically when I’m sitting down and writing this I have the awareness but in my day to day and hour to hour conduct I feel like I’m growing complacent and not always on guard. 

yud909 wrote on 26 Mar 2023 12:33:

CONSTANT VIGILANCE

Good Morning all
It’s been a bit since my last post but BH that’s because of Yom Tov and not feeling the need to come on here for the chizuk as I am BH 164 days clean now. I had an amazing Yom Tov which is great as for in so many years past I either fell right before YT or on Chol Hamoed and lost any chizuk I might have received from the sedorim. One area which I’m still struggling with is watching movies. I’ve talked about in the past but unfortunately have still been watching and besides the complete waste of time (especially when I get into a show and binge it) I often see things that are at worst a trigger and at best just terrible images that a Yid shouldn’t see (and subsequently think about them during shemone esrei). So I have once again been mekabel upon myself to not watch any TV shows, movies, short YouTubes…. from now until Shavous. It may not sound like a huge kabbala but for me it really is. I’m hoping that if I can get through the rest of sefira without watching, I’ll rewire my brain somewhat and it will get easier after that. 

Hey, 100% understand the movie issue. The only way to do it is cold turkey like you are doing it. Good job.

To rewire your brain you may need a longer time but it definitely works as it did for me.

Please stick around and post because it can (will) get real tough. But like they say: When the going gets tough the tough get going! 

yud909 wrote on 16 Apr 2023 11:29:

Thanks for sharing! Beautiful, keep trucking! I think the kabbalah you have made is huge! Keep sharing, and hatzlacha!

Ok 1 week down not watching movies. Over all it wasn't as difficult as I imagined it would've been other than one night when I got back from a grueling travelling day and needed to unwind but BH after a few minutes of resisting the urge to watch, I got busy with something else. Motzei Shabbosim is  when I watch the most so hopefully now with Shabbos ending later it will be easier to occupy myself without reverting to Netflix. 

BH 171 days clean, hard for me to believe.

Stay Strong!!!

yud909 wrote on 23 Apr 2023 02:56:

BEAUTIFUL! You don't know how inspirational your journey is for me to see. Keep trucking and share it!

Eerie wrote on 23 Apr 2023 18:42:

Thank you Eerie and right back at ya!

yud909 wrote on 16 Apr 2023 11:29:

The struggle is real my brother

 have you tried blocking those apps/domains with your filter? 

when you don’t even have the option, it clears your mind and you don’t need to struggle constantly

 only thing is that now if you’re stressed or bored you have to actually work your way through those feelings which can take s some practice getting used to

hatzlacha!

yud909 wrote on 23 Apr 2023 02:56:

Also try cancelling subscriptions and getting refunds

 if you push hard for your money back, you won’t revert to giving it up so easily in the future