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TOPIC: mikvah 849 Views

mikvah 06 Oct 2022 14:59 #386299

  • yidel lebo
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does any one know this?!  whan i go to mikvah and i see cool buchrim i get meltet "almost" like when i see a cute girl... can anyone help me?  i am not gay thank god, but this make me crazy strait in the morning when i start my day, does anyone know what i mean?

Re: mikvah 06 Oct 2022 15:02 #386300

  • mike1234
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you should skip mikvah

Re: mikvah 06 Oct 2022 15:10 #386301

  • wilnevergiveup
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yidel lebo wrote on 06 Oct 2022 14:59:
does any one know this?!  whan i go to mikvah and i see cool buchrim i get meltet "almost" like when i see a cute girl... can anyone help me?  i am not gay thank god, but this make me crazy strait in the morning when i start my day, does anyone know what i mean?

Maybe ask your Rav, but it doesn't sound like going to the Mikva is a purifying experience for you.
Check out My Thread and The Truth

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

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Re: mikvah 06 Oct 2022 15:16 #386302

  • yidel lebo
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thanks do you have an idea what i can do to stop feeling so, meaning, even when i come into shul or going on road it can make me crazy, can you help?

Re: mikvah 06 Oct 2022 16:19 #386306

  • wilnevergiveup
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yidel lebo wrote on 06 Oct 2022 15:16:
thanks do you have an idea what i can do to stop feeling so, meaning, even when i come into shul or going on road it can make me crazy, can you help?

Are you married or single? 

Do you struggle with any other sexual issues or is this the only thing?

I am not competent enough to help you or to know if you can be helped. Usually, it's a good idea to talk these things over with a trusted and experienced Rebbe/Rav/father/mentor or whatever. 

Hatzlachah
Check out My Thread and The Truth

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com

Re: mikvah 06 Oct 2022 16:31 #386307

  • chancy
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It might be that you are just having a very high urge wave now or in general. some people just have high urges and are attracted to everything, or their brain tells them that they are attracted when in fact its not even real. In any case, its a urge that you have to acknowledge and you need to know yourself well enough to know if these urges will get worse or better by continuing going. By me, if i stop going, i make it worse becuase im telling my brain that i cant handle it and if i do go i don't have the power of not looking or not thinking. 
But by continuing to go, i recognize that i have this urge sometimes and that its ok and thats its not me rather a part of me from the past, and i make myself relax, sometimes when i im feeling too vulnerable, i dont go. 
In short, you need to know yourself. I recommend going thru the F2F program that will give you very deep insights into yourself!. 

Re: mikvah 06 Oct 2022 19:56 #386313

  • Goldfish
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does any one know this?!  whan i go to mikvah and i see cool buchrim i get meltet "almost" like when i see a cute girl... can anyone help me?  i am not gay thank god, but this make me crazy strait in the morning when i start my day, does anyone know what i mean?
I understand what you mean. I used to have a problem along similar lines so i stopped going to mikva. about 2 years ago I sarted going again. However I have introduced multiple concepts which have helped me. I take off my glasses before entering, I don't talk to anyone there, I try not to look at anyone who is undressed, i use the cold mikva and try to get out without lingering. Just saying.
Still Struggling, But I Won't Give Up



ר׳ יוסי אומר: טוב עשרה טפחים ועומד ממאה אמה ונופל (אבות דרבי נתן א:ז)
Last Edit: 06 Oct 2022 20:07 by Goldfish.

Re: mikvah 06 Oct 2022 20:02 #386314

  • DavidT
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Here are some general guidelines for going to the mikvah..
  • Undressing & dressing should be done as quickly as possible, while facing the wall.
  • No looking at undressed people (eyes don't go below chin)
  • Try to be covered with a towel whenever possible
  • If you wear glasses, leave them outside.
  • Focus on one thing: "in and out" quickly.

May Hashem guide you to do the right thing the right way.
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: mikvah 07 Oct 2022 01:04 #386334

  • wilnevergiveup
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DavidT wrote on 06 Oct 2022 20:02:
Here are some general guidelines for going to the mikvah..
  • Undressing & dressing should be done as quickly as possible, while facing the wall.
  • No looking at undressed people (eyes don't go below chin)
  • Try to be covered with a towel whenever possible
  • If you wear glasses, leave them outside.
  • Focus on one thing: "in and out" quickly.

May Hashem guide you to do the right thing the right way.

I didn't know this was a thing. Can I also look at my neighbor in the pool with my glasses off? 
Check out My Thread and The Truth

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com

Re: mikvah 07 Oct 2022 02:47 #386341

  • eyes
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I used to go
now only before YK

I used to go before Covid. Stopped after donating kidney 

If it is a trigger. 

there is a thread where there is a member that had the same issue and stopped going.

You could probably find it 

Re: mikvah 07 Oct 2022 13:22 #386349

  • DavidT
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wilnevergiveup wrote on 07 Oct 2022 01:04:

DavidT wrote on 06 Oct 2022 20:02:
Here are some general guidelines for going to the mikvah..
  • Undressing & dressing should be done as quickly as possible, while facing the wall.
  • No looking at undressed people (eyes don't go below chin)
  • Try to be covered with a towel whenever possible
  • If you wear glasses, leave them outside.
  • Focus on one thing: "in and out" quickly.

May Hashem guide you to do the right thing the right way.

I didn't know this was a thing. Can I also look at my neighbor in the pool with my glasses off? 

The point of not wearing glasses in the mikvah is that you're making a geder (fence). When one makes a geder (fence) , it’s as if he is saying, “I am committed to breaking this cycle, and my proof is that I’m going to make things difficult for myself.”
It's just an example. Every person can think what would be a good geder for himself...
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: mikvah 07 Oct 2022 13:58 #386351

  • wilnevergiveup
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DavidT wrote on 07 Oct 2022 13:22:

wilnevergiveup wrote on 07 Oct 2022 01:04:

DavidT wrote on 06 Oct 2022 20:02:
Here are some general guidelines for going to the mikvah..
  • Undressing & dressing should be done as quickly as possible, while facing the wall.
  • No looking at undressed people (eyes don't go below chin)
  • Try to be covered with a towel whenever possible
  • If you wear glasses, leave them outside.
  • Focus on one thing: "in and out" quickly.

May Hashem guide you to do the right thing the right way.

I didn't know this was a thing. Can I also look at my neighbor in the pool with my glasses off? 

The point of not wearing glasses in the mikvah is that you're making a geder (fence). When one makes a geder (fence) , it’s as if he is saying, “I am committed to breaking this cycle, and my proof is that I’m going to make things difficult for myself.”
It's just an example. Every person can think what would be a good geder for himself...

I get that, but why put yourself in that situation in the first place?
Check out My Thread and The Truth

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com

Re: mikvah 07 Oct 2022 15:10 #386355

  • yidel lebo
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wow i see you know what i mean you just made me feel that im not so crazy!!1 thanks if you have any ideas let me know

Re: mikvah 07 Oct 2022 15:18 #386356

  • yidel lebo
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its all good ideas, but my problem is not what to do before i go in mikvah to pretend this happening,  the problem is what can i do i shouldnt get triggered by this,
not every one have this, am i funny? is it normal? will it go away?  and the main thing is what i can do i sholdbnt get triggered by these type of things, as i said its not specialy in mikvah its every where i go!!
thanks anyway!!

Re: mikvah 07 Oct 2022 16:03 #386357

  • chancy
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Are you normal? of course, lots of people get triggered by other men. 
Will this go away? completely, probably not, but you need to learn how to live with it and not let it take over your life. Its like any other trigger, you need to understand thats all it is, you have a choice to follow it down the rabbit hole and get sucked into it forever, or you can move on and say " ok, i have a part of my brain that thinks i will get pleasure by looking at other men, however, me as a person and eliche yid, does NOT want this, so i will calmly walk away and NOTHING will happen" 
the more you practice this, the easier it will get. You can get to a point where you wont even realize that you are doing it. 
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