I'm so grateful that I found this place. My name is David and this is my first post here and I will just say some words about my struggle.

It all begins in 2017 when I was 20 years old. I started my journey of quitting P&M. For the last 5 years. I started and failed countless times. Usually, I will get around 30-60 days and some bad thing happens in my life or I get too aroused then I would slip for 2,3 days and start over again. The longest streak was 92 days. For the last 5 years (1800+ days) I'm sure that I was clean for at least 1500+ days. What I realized after so many days is that quitting P&M is a HOUSE OF CARDS. It just takes one slip, one mistake and all progress is GONE. ALL OF IT. last time I relapsed and watched P&M was on 3rd September after 30+ days of the clean streak. And now I experience the SAME withdrawals I was experiencing back in 2017. ITS MADNESS. Again I have Brain fog, anxiety, trouble with speaking and thinking properly, trouble with socializing..etc) IT'S ALL BACK. In the last 5 years, I managed to quit smoking, drinking, gambling, gaming.. almost all bad habits. But this... I don't even know if it's possible. When an idea to watch P&M occurs in my mind combined with heavy arousal and urge...  I lose control over myself and my hands. I know it's bad I know I shouldn't do it and that I will regret but my hands and body won't listen to me... it's like Yetzer Hara took control over me.  

The conclusion I made a couple of days ago is that I need to add these 3 things to my life.

1.) Guard my eyes, 99% of urges come from eyes. One look at the body of any random girl is enough to fill my heart with a desire to watch P&M or to cheat on my GF with her. So I realized I have to be 100% disciplined and never look at any woman's body, only I can look at my girlfriend's body.

2.) RUN. Next time when an idea to watch P&M happens in my mind and I feel horny or depressed, I will immediately leave my house, get in the car, and drive for at least 30km in one way while listening to some motivational music and loudly repeating to myself why I can't do that and what will be consequences. I realized that if I debate inside my mind with the Yetzer Hara whether should i watch P&M or not, the Yetzer Hara will always win. But if I debate loudly, I'm in a higher state of awareness and I can't hear Yetzer Hara and that's the only way I can listen to logic and reason and not watch P&M.

3.) MEDITATE. I never liked meditation but without it, it's impossible to be aware of my thoughts. So I need to meditate daily so I can recognize Yetzer Hara's voice and react immediately.

Sorry for the long post, this is all I had to say. If you have some advice for me I would gladly like to hear it.

IronWolf wrote on 08 Sep 2022 13:50:

welcome and thanks for posting.  you are in good company here and i am sure that you will gain a lot from interacting.  Please continue to post and stay connected. You will find a treasure trove of good ideas and advice.  Some will work for you, some, not so much.  Let us know what works.

best wishes for continued success
vehkam

Welcome brother! Good to have you with us.
Don't have any advice for you other then to keep posting and to connect with some of the amazing Jews on this site. That will provide you with much needed accountability and support.
Keep up the good fight!

Sending love,
OivedElokim

hi my name is mayer was here for few monthes ago bh now im still clean its about 120 days!!

mayer1234 wrote on 12 Sep 2022 21:52:

Thank you for sharing your accomplishment! 
much continued success!

 What I realized after so many days is that quitting P&M is a HOUSE OF CARDS. It just takes one slip, one mistake and all progress is GONE. ALL OF IT. 

 MASSIVE MISTAKE. Nothing is gone. Your clean moments will stay with you forvever. 

Hi there! Welcome to the forum! Happy to have you here.