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TOPIC: Time to change for good 2386 Views

Re: Time to change for good 10 Jul 2022 20:07 #383142

  • yeshar
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I also should mention that I do have an image blocker on my laptop, where only websites I approve show images. I use YouTube daily for school, and I almost never see anything inappropriate due to this blocker. I also use Freedom and Apple's built in screen time on MacBook and iPhone to block websites. My iPhone does not have safari or YouTube.
You fall down, you get back up!

Re: Time to change for good 13 Jul 2022 23:33 #383341

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Yeshar wrote on 10 Jul 2022 20:04:
Sure,

Very important to plan ahead
"Okay today I felt an urge creeping up, and I know that tomorrow won't be so easy, so before anything happens I'm gonna call my accountability partner and let him know"
Always have in mind what you're going to do before something happens.
Also have something that you can treat yourself with that special to when you beat an urge, or reach a milestone.
By far the most important thing in my opinion is having someone to talk to, and also not allowing your yetzer to grow.
You know for sure that watch schmutz is gonna lead to the same outcome, so why bother? Even if it hurts you deeply not to, it's gonna hurt you more if you do; and the desire does decrease overtime. I'm single and young, I assumed it would be impossible, but I know now that that is far from the truth. Even when I am in my college environment where many women are dressed provocatively, I know better than to stare and fantasize - it will only make things more difficult for an amount of pleasure that is not worth it.
and even if you fall, you can always get back up. That's why even after I did break down and turn schmutz on, I remembered that this was not the end of the world, I don't have to go through with it, and can stop watching and call my accountability partner.
Had I not taken these steps, I would likely not have reached 90 days.
Also important to remember that you're human and male. That these desires are totally normal and you are not evil for having them; just need to channel them into the right place.

Great Post! Great list of strategies - thank you!
אין הדבר תלוי אלא בי
אלמלא הקב"ה עוזרו לא יכול לו
זרע אברהם אוהבי

Re: Time to change for good 21 Jul 2022 23:08 #383685

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Been struggling A LOT lately with fantasizing. I'm not even considering going back to watching schmutz, but I'm finding it very difficult to watch my mind. 
I'm taking a summer course, and my partner in my lab class is a female. She's not Jewish, but we're similar culturally, and I find her very attractive and friendly, and I'm falling in infatuation. Basically I have a thought, try to stifle it, but then I kinda enjoy it even more... 
It's not much longer that I'm in this class, and its not every day either, but pretty soon the Fall semester will start, and I'll basically do what I can to get male partners in my labs then.
I feel much better that I'm writing this out now, and am open to any tips.
What I find very interesting is that these urges usually come, during the times when I can't listen to music. It was very difficult for me to fight urges without music during the Omer, and when I ended up listening to music, it was much easier and not as frequent. As sad as it is for me to say, I think I may just have to not follow this minhag, until I get stronger in my fight with the YH. 
You fall down, you get back up!
Last Edit: 21 Jul 2022 23:12 by yeshar.

Re: Time to change for good 21 Jul 2022 23:55 #383688

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Hi Yeshar
how tough is your challenge! I don't know what I would have don if I was in your position. 
How is college going? What are you studying?
When it comes to music you might want to ask a Rav as it is not something easy to be matir. 
If it is not possible there some great Jewish acapella albums like Benny friedman's or a kumzitz in the rain etc.
Im sure the chevra here know of plenty more!
Hatzlocha

Re: Time to change for good 22 Jul 2022 00:23 #383693

  • vehkam
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Yeshar wrote on 21 Jul 2022 23:08:
Been struggling A LOT lately with fantasizing. I'm not even considering going back to watching schmutz, but I'm finding it very difficult to watch my mind. 
I'm taking a summer course, and my partner in my lab class is a female. She's not Jewish, but we're similar culturally, and I find her very attractive and friendly, and I'm falling in infatuation. Basically I have a thought, try to stifle it, but then I kinda enjoy it even more... 
It's not much longer that I'm in this class, and its not every day either, but pretty soon the Fall semester will start, and I'll basically do what I can to get male partners in my labs then.
I feel much better that I'm writing this out now, and am open to any tips.
What I find very interesting is that these urges usually come, during the times when I can't listen to music. It was very difficult for me to fight urges without music during the Omer, and when I ended up listening to music, it was much easier and not as frequent. As sad as it is for me to say, I think I may just have to not follow this minhag, until I get stronger in my fight with the YH. 

i didn't check yet regarding the three weeks but for the omer i was told without hesitation that i could listen to music if i use it to help me with this.
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Re: Time to change for good 14 Nov 2022 06:03 #387684

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Hey Everyone,
​It's been a while since I've posted here. 
Unfortunately I had a fall shortly after my last post. Today is my 111th day since that fall. Hashem has helped me plenty, especially with help from Hashem Help Me. 
Something that's been bothering me lately is my inability to wake up in the morning - the fact that I'm writing this at 1 am in the morning obviously isn't helping - I definitely need to work on going to sleep on time. But more than that, I am once again dealing with some really difficult dreams. The past couple of weeks have had lots of fantasy type stuff, but now it's gotten weird.

I had a dream the other day where I was "making love" to my toilet seat. I think this is my subconscious basically analyzing my previous actions of all the times I was in the bathroom and would watch inappropriate stuff and - well, do what happens when you watch that stuff. 

Honestly the dreams don't bother me so much, since once I am up, I am able to control myself pretty well, what bothers me is the fact that I "have a swim" because of the dreams. And when it is every day, it gets a little worrisome. Hopefully will cease to have them soon.
You fall down, you get back up!

Re: Time to change for good 14 Nov 2022 06:14 #387685

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Yeshar wrote on 14 Nov 2022 06:03:
Hey Everyone,
​It's been a while since I've posted here. 
Unfortunately I had a fall shortly after my last post. Today is my 111th day since that fall. Hashem has helped me plenty, especially with help from Hashem Help Me. 
Something that's been bothering me lately is my inability to wake up in the morning - the fact that I'm writing this at 1 am in the morning obviously isn't helping - I definitely need to work on going to sleep on time. But more than that, I am once again dealing with some really difficult dreams. The past couple of weeks have had lots of fantasy type stuff, but now it's gotten weird.

I had a dream the other day where I was "making love" to my toilet seat. I think this is my subconscious basically analyzing my previous actions of all the times I was in the bathroom and would watch inappropriate stuff and - well, do what happens when you watch that stuff. 

Honestly the dreams don't bother me so much, since once I am up, I am able to control myself pretty well, what bothers me is the fact that I "have a swim" because of the dreams. And when it is every day, it gets a little worrisome. Hopefully will cease to have them soon.

Welcome back!
I suggest not to be obsessed about the dreams.
I experienced fantasy dreams/wet dreams almost every friday night for a few weeks consecutively..I was freaking out.
anyways, it eventually stopped BH.

Keep at it. Your doing amazing!

One who has given up hope is without a G‑d.

One who sees hope in each day is already free

Re: Time to change for good 17 Nov 2022 05:45 #387845

  • yeshar
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Ok, need to write something now - something I'm not proud about.

Some backstory, when I was younger I found that my dad had lots of "stuff" sent to him by his friends. I would watch a lot of this, "stuff" on his phone. He still gets this stuff sent to him all the time, and YouTube also recommends him a lot of stuff like this.

I was in the kitchen when I heard my dad watching something which triggered me. 

My dad left his phone when he went to bed... and I spent the past hour watching all kinds of stuff.

I did not break, and I hope this never happens again. Truth be told, while I don't feel great, I'm happen I did not go all the way - but this is a slippery slope, and I will safeguard myself from this ever happening again. 

I know my dad's code to his phone, so I'm gonna get him to change it somehow. I will also leave the room if I hear him watching this kind of triggering stuff.
You fall down, you get back up!

Re: Time to change for good 17 Nov 2022 12:19 #387851

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Pretty traumatic for a kid to find out his father is viewing that stuff. You are a hero buddy for the way you are dealing with it. Your children will iyh never need to experience that sort of shock and disappointment.  One mistake in your post - You should be very proud. You are a hero.
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Re: Time to change for good 17 Nov 2022 21:44 #387891

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Copy paste. Hero.
I'm sick of the Un-scientific approach of today's medical and social environment. 
we will never heal and become a better society unless we realize that all people are addicts. Any thing we do that we aren't interested in is "addiction" and medicine doesn't fix addictions. 

Pain causes addiction and medicine cant fix pain. 

Unless we heal our pain, and become truama conscious so as not to cause others pain, we will never be living in a functioning human society.

Re: Time to change for good 18 Nov 2022 00:51 #387906

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Thanks guys for the heartwarming words. I had a terrible migraine today which lasted for several hours, I had to leave class, and get to bed. It doesn't usually happen to me. I feel like it's a message from above, to discourage me from doing what I did last night. I could def be reading into it a little too much, but something similar happened to me when I broke the last time, although worse. So I definitely think that Hashem is on my side, and telling me that I don't need this stuff - it will only bring me to headaches and pain.
You fall down, you get back up!

Re: Time to change for good 30 Oct 2023 20:41 #402999

  • yeshar
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Hey everyone,

Wanted to post again just saying I'm doing much better overall. I don't really care for counting days much anymore but today is day 461. 
You fall down, you get back up!

Re: Time to change for good 31 Oct 2023 18:58 #403050

Wow wow that's the only way 
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