You're really something special!!

I relate to a lot of what you said in you introduction - feel free to check out my thread (in the link color blue at the bottom of this post) to see how I navigated my personal journey (I'm a bachur like you). 

How about reaching out and speaking with someone?

Hashem Help Me wrote on 25 Feb 2022 11:50:


Right now I don't have a Rebbe or anyone that I speak with about these things. I would like to get someone from gye to connect with soon but I'm not sure really how to navigate that.

Either way bh I was able to stay clean last night, and hopefully gonna finish up the rest of day 5 and go for day 6! G'shabbos y'all!!

6 days clean so far bh and now onto day 7! I usually find that I have stronger than normal urges on day 7. Many of my previous falls were on the 7th day. I'm not in a particularly fighting mood now but I'm gonna give it the best I've got. With Hashems' help I'll get through.

7 days clean bh!! Let's go 8th day!
I'm still in the early days of my 90 day quest and in a way these days are the hardest (I believe that I've read that this while skimming through the forums). But I also feel like these days aren't that hard because I've done many week streaks before and I don't feel like I'm pushing my limits that much at this point. Just a thought..... Either way it definitely helps me to know that I have y'all looking out for me. It kinda gives me a feeling of responsibility that I gotta put it out here for everyone to see and feel bad for me if I fall (if only I felt that achrayus to Hashem, but I guess that takes much more work to attain). So thank you everyone for being here for all of us!!

Tough times that come at specific intervals are usually a type of withdrawal. Get past them b'ezras Hashem and they fade a lot. Do not panic when an "overwhelming" urge hits. It is really fake.

Yosefhamevakesh wrote on 28 Feb 2022 04:53:

Just give it all you got!

And I had a fall.....
I guess I got too happy that I got past a week that I let down my guard. When I got a big urge I just gave in and watched some porn and masturbated.
Sometimes there urges just won't go away and I feel like I might as well get over with it so I can start fresh cuz I'm anyways gonna fall in the end.
I know that this is faulty thinking due to the habit that I've created for myself and an urge doesn't necessarily mean that I'm gonna fall, but it's still hard to listen to the voice in my head telling me that when the urges hit. So I guess I'll try to keep this in mind more for the future and here goes day 1!

What do you mean you let down your guard? I don't think that being happy itself is a lowering of one's guard, it's actually recommended to celebrate your victories and milestones, not only just to celebrate your accomplishments but also to develop good habits that associate your accomplishment with the reward as a part of the process of breaking free. 

If it's possible, try to write down what you want to keep in mind or maybe record it on your phone if it has a voice recorder. There's actually a lesson in the new flight to freedom program where it guides you to make a cheshbon of what the benefits and negatives of this behavior are and I recommend you go check it out here: Lesson Assignment (guardyoureyes.org). It'll help if you do the preceding lessons and you are going to have to write it down and/or to record it with a voice recorder because at the time when an urge comes you'll see that most of what you wrote down or recorded is forgotten at times like that. Then you can reference that list or recording when an urge comes before you do anything else. 

That's hopefully one way you can increase your guard, and something to increase your guard further is to do something about the device you watched p with if that's possible. Check my signature if you haven't already for some free solutions, there's also Google Family Link which I didn't list below, check that out also.

Also helps to prepare some distractions for when you recognize that urge starting…

Yosefhamevakesh wrote on 28 Feb 2022 21:38:

The first important step for winning this battle is to make a decision to STOP, just for today. The past is gone, and the future is not in our hands.

Deciding to stop does not mean that we won’t ever fall again or that we’ll succeed in staying stopped forever on our first try. However, it does mean that we are committed to trying.

I've got a bit of a problem here. I have a flip phone without a browser and a modified version of the GYE app that works on flip phones. The thing is that I found a built in browser in the gye app where you basically gotta click a few things and you end up on the Google search homepage(I don't think a filter would help because it's not a regular browser that can be filtered). I just fell after watching some porn through that browser. I just emailed gye about it and hope they can do something about it. But in the meantime I don't know if I should just delete the gye app so that I don't have access to unfiltered internet or I should keep it because I need the boost that y'all give me. Please advise. I'm desperate, gye is my last hope (Hashem is, but gye is the last tool that I have) and now it looks like I gotta get rid of it. If anyone knows of a way to restrict part of the apps usage or have any other solution plz lemme know. Thanx.

GYE is not your last hope buddy. You are a great fellow. Don't you see how the Satan wants to get you down? He is so desperate that he is using GYE to try and snare you. If they do jot respond soon, then maybe delete it temporarily until they notify you that it is fixed. Meanwhile start rewiring your brain. Nobody is holding a gun to your head and forcing you to watch filth. It just seems like that. Hook up with an accountability partner (if you have not done so yet), do what it takes, and b'ezras Hashem you will get out of this.

Can you please email me your modified APK of the gye app? Did you install it yourself or someone did it for you? 
I know about this issue, and have reported it years ago. I think GYE is working on new apps. I am not sure if there is a solution for a flip phone. I don't have one that I can test on. The flip phone I have is fully kosher.
p.s. Public service announcement, if you can install custom apps on a flip phone, it is not kosher. Only a custom ROM that locks down everything, like what TAG installs, can be considered OK. Using the same method to install GYE, can also be used to install a different browser or YouTube, etc...

I had the exact same issue fell twice today I decided to erase the app for the time being and just use GYE when I'm by my computer (which is filtered good BH) so I can definitely relate to that problem. BTW The GYE Chizuk app has no issue that I've realized.