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TOPIC: Please advise 387 Views

Please advise 21 Feb 2022 01:25 #377670

  • hopeful6137
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Last Edit: 14 Apr 2022 07:55 by hopeful6137. Reason: Don't feel comfortable with all the info out there

Re: Please advise 21 Feb 2022 04:15 #377678

  • vehkam
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I am by no means an expert but to me it does not sound like you need to go to A 12 step program. Based on where you are coming from and your introduction to sexual activity it is not surprising that you ended up involved in promiscuous behavior.

On the other hand I do feel strongly is that you should work with a therapist that has experience with this type of behavior. There is a lot of learned behavior that you have been involved with that you need to unlearn. There are definitive ways to do this but you need someone objective to help you along. In addition you will find their support invaluable as the guilt and regret can be very confusing.

I also very strongly recommend getting one of the books such as “the battle of the generation” written by hillel S available on Amazon and reading a little bit every night.
If you have not yet signed up for the Gye daily boost, that is a great resource as well.

You are young and have a wonderful and bright future ahead of you it would be amazing if you put the work in now and you will see dividends beyond what you could ever imagine.
vehkam7@gmail.com

guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/375452-Work-in-progress

The Battle of the Generation by Hillel S. has been a huge help for me.  Message me to find out how you can receive a free copy.



some of the experiences I write about may make it easier to identify me.  This is ok.  I trust that if anyone discovers my identity they will keep it to themselves.  If you do realize that you  know me, I am completely comfortable and welcome you acknowledging me and my struggle in person.

Re: Please advise 21 Feb 2022 06:20 #377687

  • wilnevergiveup
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Welcome to the club!

I think what the Rabbi said sounds reasonable, if this works, great! If it stops working, you will need to look at SA again. 

Therapy doesn't cure addictions, it can, if worked on, help with some of the underlying issues, and in some cases teach you tools for urge management.
Check out My Thread and The Truth

(עשה רצונו כרצונך (אבות,ב:ד

Feel free to email me  wilnevergiveupgye@gmail.com

Re: Please advise 21 Feb 2022 13:20 #377696

  • jackthejew
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Speak to Dov wequithiding@gmail.com
Off the forum for now.
My Thread (Not for inspiration, but for random bits and pieces of my journey, as well as the inspiring responses of others: guardyoureyes.com/forum/19-Introduce-Yourself/375514-Enough-is-Enough
jackthejewgye@gmail.com
There are tips, tools, and techniques, but there are no shortcuts.

Here's to our wives and girlfriends...may they never meet! ~ Groucho Marx
Optimism is the madness of insisting that all is well when we are miserable.-Voltaire
You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by evading it today.- Abraham Lincoln
If you don't know where you are going, you might wind up someplace else.- Yogi Berra
"I'm not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information." ~ Calvin

Re: Please advise 21 Feb 2022 14:32 #377698

  • davidt
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Hopeful6137 wrote on 21 Feb 2022 01:25:
 Can this be enough for me? Or do I automatically need to be going to meetings, based on my past?

Welcome to GYE! 
You're another amazing example and proof of the GYE phenomenon!
​Every person and situation is unique. We all have our challenges and life journey and we need to try our best to do what's right. It's seems that you're definitely going in the right direction and we hope you keep it up. 

There are no automatic solutions. As you can see on GYE, there are many approaches and tools and no "one size fit's all" approach. The best thing is to see what worked for others and try to follow that. 
​It seems that the number one thing that really works in real life connection. If you feel comfortable with the rabbi that you started talking to, keep up the connection. It will help you with accountability and give you the strength to keep on growing with the help of Hashem.

We're all looking forward to hear your continued successes.   
"If I am not for myself, who will be for me? But if I am only for myself, who am I? If not now, when?"
feel free to reach out @  ahavayirah@gmail.com

Re: Please advise 21 Feb 2022 15:42 #377704

  • Captain
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To me it's clear that if you were able to do what you accomplished the last month, and you are able to continue this success, you should continue doing what you are doing and don't need to go to SA
In the place where ba’alei teshuva stand, even pure tzaddikim who never sinned cannot stand. (Rabbi Avohu, Brachos 34b)

Great free resources:
My favorite book for breaking free: The Battle of the Generation 
https://guardyoureyes.com/ebooks/item/the-battle-of-the-generation. Change your attitude and change your life!

Rabbi Shafier's incredible lectures on breaking free: The Fight. Download here: 
https://theshmuz.com/series/the-fight/

If you're only ready to try something small, check out an easier way to do self-talk here:
https://guardyoureyes.com/forum/4-On-the-Way-to-90-Days/378128-Captain—Shtarkemotionals-Secret90Day-Challenge

Re: Please advise 22 Feb 2022 03:29 #377738

  • Avrohom
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Welcome! It seems you've come to the right place. It's an incredible inspiration that you've been able to do what you have!
I would just caution to make sure to maintain an open connection with someone - either your Rebbe, or someone on GYE - so that if you do experience success for some time and then start dipping you can easily reach out, without waiting until the problem gets more serious. Iy"h all you will need is being here and the work that you're currently doing, but it's certainly possible that GYE will not last for the long term, and SA will be the right choice at that point.
Hatzlocha! 
אין הדבר תלוי אלא בי
אלמלא הקב"ה עוזרו לא יכול לו
זרע אברהם אוהבי
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