Boruch Hashem, everything is good. I learnt well for the first time in ages so I feel good about myself. Also, I've proven to myself yet again, that when I'm distracted with positive things I don't need to fall into lust. I recently started a new project. When I learn or even relax I try to do it on a chair by the table rather than the couch. I also always wear shoes inside. This allows me to maintain a sense of structure and purpose and not to lapse into lazy-relax-lust mode. Any thoughts on the idea?

Nice ideas. Any thing that will change your usual patterns will help. 

Interesting thought. I believe its on target. the more structered we feel the more respectful of ourselves and the less lazy/sleepy/lusty.

You are changing the script - and the scene ends differently.....

Boruch Hashem, still technicaly clean. I have a problem looming up though. My leg has started to swell and if its going to go like any of the other times I've had cellulitis it means not feeling up to the fight and staying in bed a lot. Daven for me it should work out well. (Shabbos isn't a problem as I usually have few kedusha problems then. The problem is afterwards.) Hashem will help.

I fell. Staying in bed and not getting up is my biggest nisayon nowadays. I just can't seem to muster the energy to pull myself up. Any ideas? gut Shabbos

Goldfish wrote on 14 Jan 2022 11:54:

Maybe an accountablility partner.

Boruch Hashem shabbos went well. I have a cold/flu/omicron and I'm not feeling so well. I was lying in bed last night and fell. Now I'm up and optimistic. With Hashem's help I'll succeed.

Its been terrible. I spent loads of time yesterday fantisizing. Then I remembered my mother's spare phone which I had made her seperate from its battery and hide both. I knew where the phone was so I went to look for the battery which unfortunately I found relatively easily. 2 disgusting hours later I turned it off but instead of putting it back where I could take it again I decided to be brave and I left it in my mother's room with a note telling her to hide it even better and to add a password. I also wrote that she shouldn't talk to me about it. So far its been ok, although the material I saw kept me stimulated till today, but at least I don't have access to it anymore. Today's masturbation was just an offshoot of yesterdays porn. Now I'm going to try extra hard to get back onto the waggon and with Hashem's help I'll succeed if I try hard.

Wow such determination you have. Incredible, keep on trying brother, you got this.

Feeling really depressed now. Almost all of my chavrusas for today have cancelled and when I get bored then I get depressed which is terrible. I don't have anyone to talk with about things that will make me happy. I need Hashem to save me from the abyss.

Hey Goldfish. I'm sorry your chavrusas cancelled on you. Are you able to learn by yourself? I wouldn't write off the whole day because they cancelled. That's your yetzer hara speaking. See if you can sit and shteig on your own for a couple of hours and see how it goes. Try to push yourself and enjoy the mental workout of focusing on your learning. Wishing you hatzlochah.

Goldfish wrote on 19 Jan 2022 16:20:

Did you ever talk to any GYE friends on the phone? That can be a great option for you... Please let me know if you're interested and I'll try to help.

In this week's parsha it says that the shofar went increasingly loud. Rashi says that only Hashem can do this, unlike humans who strt loud then it goes quieter. I had a suggestion that maybe Hashem was telling us that if we fool ourselves that what we do is our own accomplishments, that we have the power to do anything, then He leaves us to run out of steam. But if we realise that only Hashem can help us realise our goals, then we can go higher and higher. Another suggestion I had was that Hashem was telling us how to succeed. Don't start off with a big blast, it's doomed to faliure. Try a little bit at a time and eventually you'll get there. As I quoted in my signature, "Its better 10 tefochim which stay standing then 100 amos which fall down." Hatzlocha.

I fell. I do that often. I just find it so hard to pull myself out of bed in the morning and once I'm there then masturbation just seems natural. This 90 day program isn't really working for me as I just have to restart it every 2 days. It does help me keep track though of how long I can go but it doesn't show any progress. Maybe the solution is to find a morning job or something else which will force me out of bed. I'm feeling a little hopeless but I know Hashem will work everything out in the end.